UK - how do I defend myself?

[firehawk]

I am based in the UK and REALLY need some advice. I am in the process of getting legal aid, but its taking its time being transferred and as each day goes on, I am dying more and more inside.


unfortunately my now ex has blown things way out of propertion and called in the police and I was charged for common assault no battery, and sexual assault.

in my life, this is the first time I have been in this situation (there was no sexual assault) and I am never in trouble as I am a professional and also do not believe in such things, plus of my strong cultural and religious upbringing.

I just cannot believe after everything I have done for her and us, and how our relationship was so great, and for her to turn out like this is just devestating.



what happened was that all I wanted to do was talk to her and calm her down and talk things over, as this is what I believe in and always do and have been open with each other, and she always said that talking about things is a great way for anything.



she said no and i said please lets talk, so when she was entering her house with her friend, I also entered as the door was left open and thought that was an invitation.

sat down, she did not even look at me but turned her back towards me and i said please, turn around and of course she said no.


there were a few exchange of words (nothing of swearing nature) and then another friend of hers came to which at this point without my acknowledgement told her to go get help.


I then said look, can we please talk in the kitchen to which she agreed. I asked her to close the door, as its rude to talk/be in this mode when there is someone else present in the other room, and she did this.


i asked her why she is like this and after everything she said about wanting me and "cannot live" without me etc... etc... and why she is behaving like this she just said to me:
just go, i cannot handle this

and I said:
no, we need to talk about this properly.


of course she and I was upset and angry I guess. I held my arms out to indicate that its ok, lets hold each other and calm down. I went closer to her and she was inviting me to hug her then when I tried to hold her softly by the shoulders (her arms were crossed/folded and she was also wearing the jacket I had bought her a few months ago) and to give her a peck on the cheek, she said "no, off" and my peck went on her shoulders.


I never even touched or looked at her breasts at all, nor am I this type of person and she knows this VERY well.
How can one even think of such a thing at a time of uncertainty, people in the next room and when you are upset and sad?

at this point, one of her friends "barged" into the kitchen opening the door, so I moved back so that the door did not hit me or my ex and she came in to open some wine.


I then eventually left and got arrested.


now, she is accusing me of touching her breasts and back and kissing her on the back as well as pushing her to the door and trying to kiss her - this was never true at all. all I did was to hold her softly by the shoulders and talk calmy as I am normally and to put any fear out of her because she knows I am not the violent type or any kind and that other people are feeding poisen into her to "get rid" of me for no reason at all!


anyone would want to talk and do whatever to get them to talk or open a line of communication, to try to make things better (yes I know, this wasnt "better" but at least an effort was made, as I always do to fix her problems/troubles, to try and talk and discuss whats going on and any confusion. to try and embrace/save this as too much was at stake and she even said that months before when we had a minor disagreement!)


we were also due to get into the marriage stage as well, and a few months ago we agreed we would get each other an eternity ring, to which I did for her birthday.

She also still owes me alot of money for an eviction that was going to take place out I did it for her and her kids as she was going to be evicted (and all this, at the beginning of the relationship). She even said to me, which I still have by email that she wont let me down.

She also said to me whilst we were on this "break" or minimal communication mode, that if she didnt want us then she would have said a long time ago when things blew up the way they did (her fault) but she didnt because she "loves" me and "wants me" and to come together the same or better.


I have not eaten in weeks or slept, lost ALOT of weight and loss of earnings because of all this, and worried what will happen. I pleaded not guilty to the charge and now will be taken to the crown court.



I did no such thing as she has accused me off. I am so scared and unable to focus on anything!


please, can someone help I do not know what to do, and have a whole life ahead of me but now fearful, its cut short.

This offence is apperently on the minor scale.

I have always supported women and their rights, and we would always talk about such things, whats wrong in the world etc.... and sometimes it brought us closer.


I keep reading her statement and I am always in tears as the things she said was not entirely true but especially when she said I touched her breasts and everything..... sure, we did make love all the time, there is a time and place for this but not at this time!

makes me sick and wonder what she has been up to recently, a new person already, enjoying herself and being happy? She is a mother of 2 kids..... but I have always been there to support her in every way possible and I get this?


I do have some emails (Especially on the same week all this happened) where she wanted to see me and loves me etc..., but also said this over the phone and that she cannot live without me however, unsure if this has any defence credit or anything.


its just blown way out of propertion again and people saying things which arent true, believing in it and acting upon it.

I just dont know what to say or how to defend myself. it is a "he said she said" scenario but how can I defend myself?

She knows, as does everyone who knows me that I am NOT a violent type, or believe in such behaviour, and that I am kind, caring, genuine and a decent person - this is another reason how we became very close in our individual and lonely/alone lives and suffering of pain from other people.


Please, can anyone give me some advice or comfort? It is a serious matter and, im stuck. no where to turn.

Thank-you kindly

i t would be preferable to get private counsel to help you make exactly the arguments you are making here and to make sure the story she laid out is fully examined and scrutinized

If what you are saying is correct that should surely come through as this matter is further investigated, and the charges should be reduced or dismissed--remember they have to prove the case not vice versa...

You may also want to email world law on their home-page private email system and see if they can help advise you through one of their local legal counsel, if you absolutely cannot afford to hire private counsel

[firehawk]

thank-you kindly.
her version of events are slightly different but along the same lines. she stated the relationship was over a month ago, this was not true and have some emails to prove this. she stated that I tried to (as I said) grope her breasts, rub her on the sides and kiss her on the back (on top of clothes), this was never true. everything else is more or less matching.

[firehawk]

ive just paid for the advice which I hope I will recieve by this website.

but reading other things, doesnt look good. basically the CPS (Prosecution service) would have enough evidence (her statement) for me to be convicted without even having my view or without me having a solid defence.

only defence I have is "I didnt do it, but this is what happened..."