Michigan unruly child... What are my options as far as discipline?

[hfd8]

I am a single father of a unruly daughter. At age 14 this child is already smoking pot and disappearing almost nightly after I go to sleep. I work at least 10 hours per day and cannot leave my job to chase her down when she is missing from school. Between work and sleep, that is about 16 hours per day that she is free to do as she wants and does. What are my options in Michigan as far as discipline or legal matters? It is only a matter of time before police are bound to show up at my door.

[sandyclaus]

Originally Posted by hfd8 I am a single father of a unruly daughter. At age 14 this child is already smoking pot and disappearing almost nightly after I go to sleep. I work at least 10 hours per day and cannot leave my job to chase her down when she is missing from school. Between work and sleep, that is about 16 hours per day that she is free to do as she wants and does. What are my options in Michigan as far as discipline or legal matters? It is only a matter of time before police are bound to show up at my door.

You are gone and failing to supervise your child for 16 hours out of the day. I know of quite a few children who would take advantage of a situation like that and get into ALL SORTS of trouble, just like your daughter is.

As for the discipline issues, your daughter knows full well that since there is no one to check up on her and keep her in line, that she can do just about what she pleases. And since you are not there to reinforce any kind of discipline, it makes it SUPER difficult to put any kind of disciplinary action in force. She leaves nightly after you go to sleep because she knows you can't - or WON'T - do anything about it.

You need to get your daughter involved in some kind of extracurricular activities or a local youth group to keep her busy and occupied. You ALSO need to figure out a way to provide some sort of supervision for her (if you can't do it, you'll have to hire someone to do it).

This kind of problem doesn't get better when you ignore the signs. And this didn't start overnight - she had to be having problems for some time now. My question to you is - why has it taken you so long to recognize there's a problem and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT?

[Friend In Court]

Originally Posted by hfd8 I am a single father of a unruly daughter. At age 14 this child is already smoking pot and disappearing almost nightly after I go to sleep. I work at least 10 hours per day and cannot leave my job to chase her down when she is missing from school. Between work and sleep, that is about 16 hours per day that she is free to do as she wants and does. What are my options in Michigan as far as discipline or legal matters? It is only a matter of time before police are bound to show up at my door.

Your daughter is referred to as an "at risk" child and you are probably right that she will end up with the police at your door and/or drug dealers and she is ruining her life before it even gets started.

You need a third person's intervention with her, at least. Your community should have resources to help children like therapists, those experienced with drug/alcohol problems with teens -- and that is where I would look first. You can call some of the alcohol/drug treatment center for referral to therapists and programs.

"Discipline" means getting her into a treatment/therapy program so she halts the self-destructive path she is on. Punishment at this point is not likely to do much good. There are "tough love" groups in most communities for resource, too, on strategies you can employ.

But what is going to boil down to is your informed, sympathetic intervention with her to let her see that the way she is acting out is hurting her more than anyone else in the world. The love you can nourish her with will do more to let her know she is valuable to you -- and to everyone else. Through therapy, the reason for her rebellion should be unearthed. Behind the acting out you will probably find a frightened little girl who somewhere along the way lost hope for her future, sought the aprobation of the wrong people and lost her anchor, you.