17 and want to move out; He is in the army 19 years old

[Edith57842]

Hi im 17 and i want to move out to live in his house because college is closer over there. And i want to be with him. It is a serious relationship, he is in the army 19 years old. And i graduated already. Can they call the police if i leave? I live in Texas

[StorageGuy]

Originally Posted by Edith57842 Hi im 17 and i want to move out to live in his house because college is closer over there. And i want to be with him. It is a serious relationship, he is in the army 19 years old. And i graduated already. Can they call the police if i leave? I live in Texas

I am assuming the "they" you refer to are your parents. Yes, they can call the police if you leave and the police will return you to their custody and control. But let's forget about that for a moment.

You are 17 and while the feelings you have seem real and just, the reality is that you do not have enough life experience to be making life changing decisions right now. Your boyfriend, 19 years old is in the same position as you are, both young, starry eyed and green. You have your entire life ahead of you, hopefully many years of love, peace and joy. You want to be with this young man because those fanciful feelings of love, attraction, lust and desire can be overwhelming, especially when we are young. When young people move in together they begin the "mini marriage" with all the rigors and complexities of intermixing young lives. What usually happens is that the girl gets pregnant, the boy panics the two lovers get married by default. The girl is hopeful, the boy is doubtful and the legitimate marriage is placed on a very weak foundation. The result is usually divorce within five years with each party carrying around a suitcase full of adult hurts and wounds that plague them for the rest of their lives.

My advice, AND I KNOW YOU WON'T TAKE IT is to chill out. Do a lot of dating. Do not engage in a mini marriage. The problem with mini marriages is that they are easy to terminate as neither party has any real commitment. These "break ups" become the precursor to divorce since breaking up is so easy to do. People now divorce with the same forethought as changing to a new set of tires on their car. Go out, have some fun, live alone for a while. You haven't lived until you have had your own apartment, then house then vacation home. Invest the time that you would spend in a mini marriage in traveling to Europe with your girlfriends, get drunk at least once a month, go on a cruise as a single woman, explore a few caves, date a man twice your age, yada, yada, yada.

You will be respected and desired more by men if you are sassy, independent and strong. Your fine young 19 year old Army soldier wants access to your body, a woman to spend time with and a replacement for his mother. Nothing wrong with these intents, just not when you are 17 years old. YOU HAVE NOT LIVED LIFE YET!

So what does StorageGuy know, after all he is only 55 years old, a professional speaker and lecturer, successful businessman, prolific writer and wonderful dad? Not a whole lot, but I do know that I made the exact same mistake that you are just wanting to make with your life. I loved my first wife who I married at 18. The problem was that she did not develop who she was, had no image of her own identity and ran to my comfortable arms because she had had a wonderful childhood. In other words, she traded the supportative arms of mom and dad for StorageGuy. After being married for 21 years, she realized that she had missed a critical step in her own development; feminine independence. At 20 years old, I was the Army guy (Navy actually) and it seemed like the right thing to do, after all, we couldn't keep our hands off each other. We have both gone on with our lives, we both have remarried and we both have brought the scars and wounds that failed relationships tend to produce into our new relationships.

Lastly, at 17 years of age, you do not know how to make choices, yet. Making good choices begin in the crucible of life experience, sprinkled with a few mistakes, smothered in about five pounds of good times with a dash of daring moves, quirky friends and good advice from those who have made the same mistakes. I now realize, after 55 years, that the tapestry that we call our lives are merely an amalgamation of our choices. Oh, if we could only go back and make better ones!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Well, what the hell, your going to do it anyway. Please respond to this thread in ten years and tell me how wrong I really was!


P.S. I am so glad that I beat AFFA to this post first, yoo hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish to inform you..........

Originally Posted by Edith57842 Hi im 17 and i want to move out to live in his house because college is closer over there. And i want to be with him. It is a serious relationship, he is in the army 19 years old. And i graduated already. Can they call the police if i leave? I live in Texas

if you leave without your parents permission you can be reported as a runaway and anyone who helps and harbors you can also face charges( and that incudes your adult bf). you can legally move out on your own when youre 18 untill then you need your parents permission if they say no then its no.

[Friend In Court]

Wait. Wait. Hold your horses. You are only 17. He is still a minor, too, not only in the law of some states, but definitely not mature at 19.

This is coming from someone who was a 17-year old girl at one time and knows the choices one can make that can ruin their chances and future.

College is a time for you to meet many people, continue to grow, get away from home and out on your own -- at least somewhat -- find out who you are, how to think, make connections that will serve you in the future. You are talking about tying yourself down, from family to boyfriend and his family -- without ever having been free and on your own.

You will miss out on the companionship of classmates, social events, all part of the college experience. PLUS if the two of you are intimate, you may end up pregnant and putting the skids to your college career.

17 is way too young to settle on any one guy. And one going into the Army? Who may be gone for a year or two at a time?

If you were my daughter I would say, "Go to college. Room in a dorm. Make many friends. Date MANY guys. Develop some interests, hobbies, take up skydiving, whatever floats your boat."

If the relationship will develop eventually to something more, at least you will have had some experiences and a yardstick to judge by.