How to stop him from harassing my 8-year-old child

[bornedfree]

I had filed for a divorce, ending this 9 years marriage. He had a few affairs outside, and the last straw was when i caught him with my maid!!

He hasn't pay a single cent for child maintenance, and is only granted to see my child every Sun, provided that my child is willing. I find something amiss when my child refuses to go out with him on last few sundays.......

I discovered that he has been picking my child up after school and has been has "shouting" at him for refusing to go with him on Sundays....i suspect he had done something to scare him.....my child is currently withdrawn and turned off at the mention of that man....

How can i make him leave my child alone, legally..... i am really at my wits end.... this man has not pay a single for the upbringing of my child since birth.... thus, i need to work and hasn't have much time at home....

[tbyte]

I assume there is a court order for him to pay a set amount of support. Why are you not insisting that it be enforced?
Then, why don't you suggest counseling for him and his child? He may or may not agree, but at least your conscience will be clear that you did what you could to encourage a healthy relationship between the two of them.

[bornedfree]

Hi Tbyte,

Thanks, i know that there is a court order to make him pay.... is it possible to restrict him from harassing my child on the ground that he has not been a responsible father, and that he has not pay a single cent for his upbringing?? if possible, i want him to leave us alone for the rest of my life....

I have tried my best to maintain their relationship, but it seems more like a trump card to him, to use against me.....moreover, my child is very turned off and withdrawn now....

I can work very hard for money, I just don't want my child to be emotionally affected by our divorce, by his irrational actions and attitude...

[huffamuse]

Child support and visitation are 2 seperate issues. You cannot restrict his visitation because he doesn't pay child support.

[tbyte]

...and you have not answered my questions, so I can't give you any further guidance.
Good luck.

[bornedfree]

I did not go further for the court order to make him pay up because I hope that I can use this as a ground for my child's full custody.

I understand that visitation and child support are different issues...

Initially I encouraged my child to join his dad every Sunday as I want my child to know that his mum and dad are still there for him...... In fact he wasn't really keen anyway, as I have to remind him every week. He would be late for a few hours before he finally turned up, everytime.

About 2 months' ago, my child started to refuse going out with him...... he even refused to answer his calls... I didn't know why till 2 days ago when my maid told me that his dad picked him up from his school. My child came back crying, and my maid witnessed the whole thing.

She mentioned that he started shouting and scolding my child the moment he board the car, and was banging on the steering and dashboard hysterically.... I believe this is not the first time this kind of things happen, which explains why my child seems very turned off and frightened at the moment of his dad.

So right now, my main concern is my child, he doesn't want to see his dad, not even once a week. He even pleaded with me, asking me not to let his dad bring him out....plus I personally feel that it is best that he can stay away from my child. I don't understand how he can treat an 8-year-old kid like that, somemore it's his flesh and blood.

Right now, I want to protect my child from further mental and emotional stress from his irresponsible dad, but I am helpless over this whole thing.... does anybody has any solution, I need your advice badly.....

[tbyte]

You have a responsibility to your child to collect the child support that is due. You are going to use your irresponsibility in pursing these funds as grounds to get full custody?
I suggest you collect the support that is owed to your child, and pursue a change in custody separately.

[bornedfree]

Please don't get me wrong. I just want to prove that I have the ability to take good care of my child, as well as to prove how irresponsible this man is....


Therefore, child support is not what I am seeking, he has not contributed a single cent since the day my child is born anyway. He has not fulfuill his duties as a father, he is not bothered, he is only interested in his society life... Right now, I only want to have my child's full custody, and this can only be done with his agreement. How can I do it legally? How do I go about it?

Initially I had wanted to leave things as it is, but now I can't, my child is affected both mentally and emotionally.

[tbyte]

Understand, the child support does not belong to you. It is for your child. By not pursuing child support your child deserves, you are not proving your ability to care for your child. And making your child do without this support simply to prove the father irresponsible so that you can expand your control over the child is NOT responsible.
So again, actively pursue the child support that is owed to your child.
If you have legitimate and provable reasons, beyond his failure to pay support, as to why the father's parental rights should be restricted, then argue those reasons in court. If not, then work with the father as a partner in raising your child.
ALWAYS, the interests of the child come first.