what can i do

[helpme]

I have been taking care of my 85 yr old mother for the past five years in my home. Just last year she was diagnosed with dementia (Alz Disease). I have DPOA. She also has three other children who have not spoken to her in over five years, and they all live within range to see her. They know her condition yet they still don't call, send her any type of Mothers Day Card, Christmas Cards or the such. She has two living siblings who are in bad health and can not care for her. I have spoken to her sister and she says when the time comes that I can not handle her anymore that I should put her in a home. The sister in law says the same, said she had to do that to her father.

My mother does not want to be here. She thinks we made her come here and that she has not been here for five years. She is constantly causing tension by accusing us of taking her things, which I know is not her fault, but it does get to you after a while. She is obsessed with her check book, which is in her possession, yet she pays the bills, I pay the car payment and the mortgage on my home.

She is forever threatening to call any and everybody to take her home. But there is no home but here with me. But she is unhappy here and wants to leave. She can barely walk or stand. She has always been a mean person and this disease has made it worse.

Her two doctors said she could not live alone. Since I am the only sibling that has been her only caregiver for five years, can I not put her in a nursing facility? I don't have the money for lawyers to get rights over her.

Can her doctors not write out some sort of paper saying she needs to be in a home....because when she leaves here she will not have a place to go. I can not take it anymore. When I say she has been here for five years I mean she and I. I was not allowed to go anywhere without her, could not call my ONLY friend, or go to the store without her...and this was before she got the dementia. I have virtually been locked in this house with her for five years. I don't have one friend..except my cousin, and she is jealous of her so I can't call and talk to her...if I do my mother gets very angry.

I have medical problems of my own..especially with depression, thyroid disease and am going to soon be seeing a therapist.

How can I get my mother into a nursing home without going to court? If she wanted to stay here everything would be fine, but she is not going to be at peace until she is someplace else, and I have tried to tell her that she can't live alone, that it would have o b a nursing home....she then becomes violent.
I don't know what to do.....my 27 yr old daughter has moved in with me and is in nursing school and is very ill...they arent sure if is her spleen or lukemia, due to her low white blood count. I have to put my daughters health first...she doesn't have health insurance and that is one reason why she is so lethargic and tired all the time....even spit up blood, because we don't have the funds for her doctors. What can I do about my mother?

[randalljd]

Yes the doctors and social services can work with you to eventually get a court order if need be and she can be transferred.

You do not have to endure a situation that you simply cannot tolerate.