Domestic Violence: as the victim, what happens if I drop the charges?

This is a discussion on Domestic Violence: as the victim, what happens if I drop the charges? within the Domestic Violence & Abuse forum, part of the Divorce, Separation, Annulment category; I want legal advice ONLY. My now ex boyfriend had been abusing me physically and verbally for months. The day ...

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Old Oct 18th, 2013, 04:12 PM   #1
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Confused Domestic Violence: as the victim, what happens if I drop the charges?

I want legal advice ONLY.
My now ex boyfriend had been abusing me physically and verbally for months. The day we broke up I was talking to his mother and he was verbally harassing me. I told him if he didn't stop I would press harassment charges. He threatened me and I told him I wouldn't stand for threats and went to leave. He got really angry and attacked me while I was in the doorway. Then I ran and he tackled me and started hitting me in the yard. One of my friends outside pulled him off and I ran inside and called the police. His hearing was today and they set his bail at $1000 or 6 months to a year in jail. They also said he is to have no contact with me what so ever. He was bonded out by his mother. He has anger issues but is otherwise a fairly nice person. I just want him to get some counseling and get in anger management classes. I was wondering if I drop the charges what happens? does his mother still owe the money to the bondsman? Is he allowed to contact me? I want to be civil. I live with a mutual friend, we work together, and the "no contact" thing just makes things unnecessarily complicated.
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Old Oct 18th, 2013, 04:18 PM   #2
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Default Re: Domestic Violence: as the victim, what happens if I drop the charges?

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Originally Posted by Alesla View Post
I want legal advice ONLY.
My now ex boyfriend had been abusing me physically and verbally for months. The day we broke up I was talking to his mother and he was verbally harassing me. I told him if he didn't stop I would press harassment charges. He threatened me and I told him I wouldn't stand for threats and went to leave. He got really angry and attacked me while I was in the doorway. Then I ran and he tackled me and started hitting me in the yard. One of my friends outside pulled him off and I ran inside and called the police. His hearing was today and they set his bail at $1000 or 6 months to a year in jail. They also said he is to have no contact with me what so ever. He was bonded out by his mother. He has anger issues but is otherwise a fairly nice person. I just want him to get some counseling and get in anger management classes. I was wondering if I drop the charges what happens? does his mother still owe the money to the bondsman? Is he allowed to contact me? I want to be civil. I live with a mutual friend, we work together, and the "no contact" thing just makes things unnecessarily complicated.
Leave it to the judge who has seen hundreds of such cases -- and knows where they lead. Forget being civil. The 'no contact order' is necessary.

What happened is a pre cursor of things to come if you continue to have contact with this out of control guy. The verbal abuse will not stop. Nor will the physical. And he will blame you instead of himself and inability to handle anger.

Your 'mutual friend' or you may need to move if there is any possibility that this friend's relationship with him is stronger than with you.

There is much information available on the syndrome and pattern of domestic violence. If you contact the domestic violence hotline, they can refer you to a group in your area where you may be able to get a lot of information on how to handle yourself -- and him.
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Old Oct 18th, 2013, 04:24 PM   #3
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Default Re: Domestic Violence: as the victim, what happens if I drop the charges?

I just want to know what the legalities of me dropping the charges are before i decide weither or not i'm going to.
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Old Oct 18th, 2013, 04:45 PM   #4
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Default Re: Domestic Violence: as the victim, what happens if I drop the charges?

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I just want to know what the legalities of me dropping the charges are before i decide weither or not i'm going to.
The legalities - and realities - are that he can and most likely will both harass and physically abuse you again. That's what happens when you let them get away with it. A nice guy would have stopped when you told them the first time, and a nice guy wouldn't have escalated to violence when he didn't get his way. What do you think would have happened if your friends weren't there to pull him off of you? Chances are excellent that you might have ended up in the hospital - or WORSE.

Considering that there were other witnesses, the prosecutor might not even allow you to drop the charges. There are others that can testify to what happened. That's a GOOD thing, because it makes it that much more difficult for you to chicken out and let him off.

This man attacked you. HE is the one who created the complications. HE is the one who needs to make life adjustments as a consequence to his actions. He can't see his friend, your roomie, at your place? Too bad. He might be forced to change jobs because of that restraining order? That's on him.

Stop thinking that you can change him by not making him deal with the consequences he has created for himself. Maybe doing so will teach him a valuable lesson. He'll just get the opposite lesson if you don't.
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Old Oct 18th, 2013, 05:47 PM   #5
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Default Re: Domestic Violence: as the victim, what happens if I drop the charges?

You are not the one pressing the charges. The state is. Regardless of your wishes the state will likely continue.
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Old Oct 18th, 2013, 05:54 PM   #6
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Default Re: Domestic Violence: as the victim, what happens if I drop the charges?

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I just want to know what the legalities of me dropping the charges are before i decide weither or not i'm going to.
It is not up to you to press charges. When it is criminal, it is the State that presses charges -- the Prosecutor representing the People of the State.

You can refuse to testify -- if that gets you anyplace, which is unlikely. Many times these cases are prosecuted without the testimony of the victim because there is enough evidence to proceed without the victim.

So you cannot drop the charges. Only the prosecutor can. It is all too common for victims of domestic violence to not want to see their intimate partner spend a day in jail, believe the contrition and want to believe it will never happen again. Wrong on all counts. It will. Prosecutors, judges, psychologists, counselors and victims -- dead and allive all know it will.

Your first concern should be for yourself and setting boundaries of what you will accept and what you will not -- that you do not deserve to be humiliated, beaten, attacked or controlled. Or what happened this time is just coming attractions for what will happen again. Next time maybe worse.
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