Ex wife harassing new girlfriend

This is a discussion on Ex wife harassing new girlfriend within the Domestic Violence & Abuse forum, part of the Divorce, Separation, Annulment category; My boyfriend & I have been living together for over a year. His ex-wife is continually emailing, texting and calling ...

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Old Oct 31st, 2012, 03:35 PM   #1
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Default Ex wife harassing new girlfriend

My boyfriend & I have been living together for over a year. His ex-wife is continually emailing, texting and calling him to make derogatory remarks about me and my children and how our household is run. They have final a parenting plan and visitation schedule set up. But whenever it's time for us to get the 6 yr old daughter for his visitations, she causes a big fight about the daughter coming here. There is always an argument. She threatens to call Social Services on me and the police on her ex because I'm not fit to take care of the daughter and he's a druggy *******. (She already tried to prove he was doing drugs but that motion was denied when he passed a drug test.) The ex wife tells the daughter that it's not safe for her over here, we won't take care of her properly, my kids will try to hurt her or touch her inappropriately, etc. Even when it's not time for his visits, she is texting him about how horrible I am and how bad our house is and that the daughter shouldn't be here, etc. It is constant and ongoing and has been this way for over a year. The ex wife blames me for the demise of their marriage. Even though she had previously filed for divorce before they'd even lived here. She vacated those divorce proceedings and they moved to CO. He left her when things got so bad he couldn't stand her abuse any longer. She has one arrest for domestic violence and spent the weekend in jail. She has assaulted him other times when he didn't call the cops on her as well. Their daughter has witnessed her mother screaming obscenities at her dad & at me on numerous occasions. I am at the end of my rope. I can't stand the fighting, I am not sleeping, I have lost 15 pounds, I am stressed and anxious all the time about whether she's called SOMEONE about something she thinks has been done wrong here, She is affecting the relationship between the 6 yr old and me as well as the 6 yr old and my children. The 6 yr old is scared of my kids. What recourse do I have in this situation? i can't afford to take her to court every time she says something untrue or whatever. I just want the harassment to stop. She is very careful not to say anything or text anything directly to me though... it's all done through my boyfriend. He has numerous texts from her to back this up.
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Old Oct 31st, 2012, 04:13 PM   #2
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Default Re: Ex wife harassing new girlfriend

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My boyfriend & I have been living together for over a year. His ex-wife is continually emailing, texting and calling him to make derogatory remarks about me and my children and how our household is run. They have final a parenting plan and visitation schedule set up. But whenever it's time for us to get the 6 yr old daughter for his visitations, she causes a big fight about the daughter coming here. There is always an argument. She threatens to call Social Services on me and the police on her ex because I'm not fit to take care of the daughter and he's a druggy *******. (She already tried to prove he was doing drugs but that motion was denied when he passed a drug test.) The ex wife tells the daughter that it's not safe for her over here, we won't take care of her properly, my kids will try to hurt her or touch her inappropriately, etc. Even when it's not time for his visits, she is texting him about how horrible I am and how bad our house is and that the daughter shouldn't be here, etc. It is constant and ongoing and has been this way for over a year. The ex wife blames me for the demise of their marriage. Even though she had previously filed for divorce before they'd even lived here. She vacated those divorce proceedings and they moved to CO. He left her when things got so bad he couldn't stand her abuse any longer. She has one arrest for domestic violence and spent the weekend in jail. She has assaulted him other times when he didn't call the cops on her as well. Their daughter has witnessed her mother screaming obscenities at her dad & at me on numerous occasions. I am at the end of my rope. I can't stand the fighting, I am not sleeping, I have lost 15 pounds, I am stressed and anxious all the time about whether she's called SOMEONE about something she thinks has been done wrong here, She is affecting the relationship between the 6 yr old and me as well as the 6 yr old and my children. The 6 yr old is scared of my kids. What recourse do I have in this situation? i can't afford to take her to court every time she says something untrue or whatever. I just want the harassment to stop. She is very careful not to say anything or text anything directly to me though... it's all done through my boyfriend. He has numerous texts from her to back this up.
Honestly? This is an issue best handled between your boyfriend and his ex. HE is allowing it to continue, simply by failing to address it himself. She will continue her behavior until he tells her to stop - and reinforces that through whatever actions are necessary, including but NOT limited to court action for the continued harassment.

Step back and let your boyfriend handle his business. If he won't, then the problem has nothing to do with you, and you should re-think your relationship with someone who doesn't value your well-being in a situation like this.
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Old Oct 31st, 2012, 04:25 PM   #3
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Default Re: Ex wife harassing new girlfriend

I wish to inform you that you and your boyfriend can send a notice that all such activities must be stopped. If other party does not restrict its activities then you and your boyfriend can have a court ordered injunction. In this a no contact order can also be obtained. In no contact order other party will be refrained fro contacting you.

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Old Oct 31st, 2012, 04:57 PM   #4
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Block her phone number on his phone. Redirect emails to a separate folder.
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Old Oct 31st, 2012, 11:21 PM   #5
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Disagreeable that is bad advice. Mom must be able to reach dad, they have a child together.

OP has already said mom doesn't even contact her, which is how it should be. OP needs to step back and let dad handle things. His daughter doesn't have to like her kids. We're only getting one persons view here. Maybe OPs kids pick on her. Maybe the daughter is an immature six and doesn't like being away from mom. Hard to say.
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Old Oct 31st, 2012, 11:52 PM   #6
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To get a no-contact restraining order, you must first get a temporary restraining order lasting up to seven days. After this, you can ask the court for a final injunction. A final injunction is a no-contract restraining order lasting up to four years. Bring to court any information you have regarding the abuser's whereabouts. This includes things like the abusers home address, work address or family members' addresses. A law enforcement agency will use this information to serve your abuser with the restraining order.
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Old Nov 1st, 2012, 07:26 AM   #7
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Disagreeable that is bad advice. Mom must be able to reach dad, they have a child together.

OP has already said mom doesn't even contact her, which is how it should be. OP needs to step back and let dad handle things. His daughter doesn't have to like her kids. We're only getting one persons view here. Maybe OPs kids pick on her. Maybe the daughter is an immature six and doesn't like being away from mom. Hard to say.
I was referring to this issue in terms of dad. Sorry I was not specific. If mom is successfully bullying him, he needs to take control away from her, even if only for a short time. During this time, she will be able to contact him via email, she will just need to learn to limit it to necessary information. Once she has stopped the bullying, he can allow her phone access again. Sometimes, you need to treat a co-parent like a child, until you have taught them to properly co-parent.
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Old Nov 1st, 2012, 08:05 AM   #8
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My boyfriend & I have been living together for over a year. His ex-wife is continually emailing, texting and calling him to make derogatory remarks about me and my children and how our household is run. They have final a parenting plan and visitation schedule set up. But whenever it's time for us to get the 6 yr old daughter for his visitations, she causes a big fight about the daughter coming here. There is always an argument. She threatens to call Social Services on me and the police on her ex because I'm not fit to take care of the daughter and he's a druggy *******. (She already tried to prove he was doing drugs but that motion was denied when he passed a drug test.) The ex wife tells the daughter that it's not safe for her over here, we won't take care of her properly, my kids will try to hurt her or touch her inappropriately, etc. Even when it's not time for his visits, she is texting him about how horrible I am and how bad our house is and that the daughter shouldn't be here, etc. It is constant and ongoing and has been this way for over a year. The ex wife blames me for the demise of their marriage. Even though she had previously filed for divorce before they'd even lived here. She vacated those divorce proceedings and they moved to CO. He left her when things got so bad he couldn't stand her abuse any longer. She has one arrest for domestic violence and spent the weekend in jail. She has assaulted him other times when he didn't call the cops on her as well. Their daughter has witnessed her mother screaming obscenities at her dad & at me on numerous occasions. I am at the end of my rope. I can't stand the fighting, I am not sleeping, I have lost 15 pounds, I am stressed and anxious all the time about whether she's called SOMEONE about something she thinks has been done wrong here, She is affecting the relationship between the 6 yr old and me as well as the 6 yr old and my children. The 6 yr old is scared of my kids. What recourse do I have in this situation? i can't afford to take her to court every time she says something untrue or whatever. I just want the harassment to stop. She is very careful not to say anything or text anything directly to me though... it's all done through my boyfriend. He has numerous texts from her to back this up.

You have several problems that exacerbate an already hostile drama between your boyfriend and his ex. First, you are in a meretricious relationship by living together with children, without being married. That leaves the door open for her to raise that issue with the courts, often manned by judges with 'old school' values. You may be here today and gone tomorrow. It also sets up a poor moral example for the young children. The children are very young, both yours and his. The ex can make an issue over this situation which many psychologists believe is harmful to children. It is an unstable situation, children bond with adults they have in their life and while most recommend one not even introduce their dating partners to their children until they believe and want the relationship to become permanent, you two have moved in together and are playing husband and wife while you have no commitment to each other --other than 'boyfriend/girlfriend.' The impact on both your sets of children will be emotionally damaging should you break up and go your separate ways.

That being said, your boyfriend is going to have to deal with the ex. You have no standing to. Restraining orders, stay away orders, are impractical because of the visitation he needs to have with his child.

So he has a neurotic if not out bat___t crazy ex. As long as the two of you are together, you will have to deal with her -- vicariously through one form of harassment or another. You are the one who has posted so the replies should be to you, for your welfare. My recommendation is that you get some counseling to evaluate what your choices are for your best interests at this point in time. You may need to think through the situation you are in and through talking some things out, you may be able to come to a decision as to what moves to make that are in your best interests and your children. The law is not a solution to all problems. Common sense trumps all.
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Old Nov 1st, 2012, 02:14 PM   #9
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Default Re: Ex wife harassing new girlfriend

I agree that restraining orders and no contact orders aren't appropriate given that he has to have some contact with his ex regarding their daughter. He can't block her number on his phone either. She has already been warned and cautioned by the judge (they both have) about not texting about anything other than the daughter's welfare or scheduling. But she's not abiding by that warning. So basically the gist of it that I am getting out of all these responses is that it's my own fault. I'm wrong for living with the man I love. I am damaging my children as well as his. I just have to put up with all the crap until he decides to man up and stops letting her bully him around. Or I have to leave him and inflict even more damage on the children in the process. Damned if I do and damned if I don't. Either way I'm miserable and the bad guy. good to know........
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Old Nov 1st, 2012, 02:45 PM   #10
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Default Re: Ex wife harassing new girlfriend

It is a fact of life, when we make our beds, often we must lay in them.

Good Luck.
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