How can I get my husband out of the house if he refuses to leave?

Originally Posted by Unregistered Let me see if I understand you correctly. we can ignore any "anonymous" post that calls women names, even if the woman is calling a man names and accusing him of things he's not here to defend himself about, just because they're women and we should all just take their word on face value? Do I understand that correctly? Because that appears to be what you're implying. Now, what about the men in those posts authored by women; women who are bashing, name calling, and accusing men of horrible things? Should we believe the man is deserving of that just because it came out of a woman's mouth? We don't know - do we - who's telling the truth on here. So then, can it be deduced that we can ignore all posts by "friend in court" who appears to be the opposite of the misogynist? Can we label her a misandrist merely because she believes that all women who bash men and accuse men of abuse are to be taken at their word and that the men in these stories are actually the person the woman accuses them of being? Is that a fair statement?

Those men should be castrated. Most women who claim abuse are not lying. Please get in touch with your DV counselor as soon as possible, I think you need a private session.

[StevensMommy]

You know what, I decided to register, because unlike the anonymous dick who keeps blaming the women, I have nothing to hide.

To the initial poster, I do not know what state you are in, so I cannot refer you to legal statutes in that state or even local resources that can help you. I can refer you to some literature and some national numbers that might be able to help you.

Please read:

Amazon.com: Ditch That Jerk : Dealing With Men Who Control and Hurt Women (9780897932837): Pamela Jayne, Andrew R. Klein: Books

Amazon.com: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (9780425191651): Lundy Bancroft: Books

I recommend these to books for ANY WOMAN who is being controlled and abused by a man. It will completely change the way you see them. STOP giving them chances. Mine cries and whines all the time when I make it clear (in the safest way, because you never know when he's going to flip) that I intend to be free of him.

Yes, husbands have rights...to the unregistered fool who keeps bashing women. I wish I could find you, I'd call the commonwealth attorney in your area, and give them your name, let them know you continue to antagonize women. I pray for the woman in your life. Sick.

Anyways...read those books. Go to walmart or some place, and get those book covers that are opaque and sticky, so he doesn't know what you are reading. Get some highlighters, highlight the areas that stand out. Right now, more than anything, you need empowerment. Because anger is not enough.

Let me tell you my story:

I met my abuser at work. I did not want to date him at first, I was six months behind a brain bleed (abuser man, you are not a doctor, so stfu), and had to go back to work before I was ready, because I needed the money. No work, no insurance (pre-ACA), no visits to the neurologist that I needed.

I was in a pretty vulnerable emotional state, and I think the psycho caught on to that. He is a caucasian male who likes black women (I'm all for interracial love, if you do it for the right reasons....he likes black women because he hates his mom). He chased me for five months, convinced me to move in with him, because Mommy was kicking him out. We got pregnant. My son has been my light, I would have given up long before now if not for him. As it stands, my soon to be ex does nothing but take credit for all the work I do with our special needs son. To hell with my "husband". I pray every day that he doesn't come home, will make this process that much easier for me.

Months into moving in together, he started to exhibit these really controlling behaviors. And I saw it before then (saw it better in hindsight), but in my eagerness to not be alone (my family acted like I had never had anything happen to me....mom was abusive, too), I pushed it aside. Within weeks of moving into our place, he kicked a hole in the door of the spare bedroom after I fled there from his rage. I was just a few months pregnant.

I had to go on emergency bedrest because of my medical history, so I had to stop working in order to carry the baby. The entire time, I was at risk for another stroke. He was kind to me from bedrest until the baby was two months old. Then he stopped helping, and started putting me down for not working.

In October of 2010, he got drunk and threatened to kill me. I picked up the phone and called the police, he did the same, and made sure it was him that the cops saw first. He told them I was crazy, that I beat on him. They bought his story (the cops here are such profilers, I hate them). The female cop told me that I should be ashamed as a mother for putting my son in such a situation! B!tch, please! Why not do your job and MAKE AN ARREST? She continued to scream at me, and each time I tried to protest, she shouted at me more. I am out for her blood. I will get her fired. She is a bane to the police force in this area. I will NOT stop until she and the others like her are gone. They are supposed to be trained on how to respond.

I told this heifer that he had threatened my life and I was afraid. She said, and I quote,"go in the bedroom and close the door down...what's he going to do, kick a hole in the door?". The imbecile was standing by the door that he DID kick in! I would have told her had she allowed me to speak.

I ended up crawling out the bedroom window with the baby and fleeing to safety. We have always lived in first floor apartments. Thank God, because my husband proceeded to drink 8 40oz beers, down an entire bottle of xanax, and call around threatening to kill me...oh, and calling me by his former wife's name.

I was stupid, and I went back.He claimed a spiritual change and transformation. I don't care if he's backed by Jesus this time, dude it's done.

Two days after this incident, I went to the precinct. My bruises had finally shown up (abuser dude on this thread, suck it...). There was one officer (the only one) who did help me, and I got a protective order. I stayed away from my husband for two months. When I went back, it took him just six months to start screaming and throwing things again. This time I got PUT out of my house.The racist cops just sat there and stared at me as I sat on the sidewalk with my belongings and my son, waiting for my other abuser...my mother.

Homeless shelters have waiting lists in this area.Yes, it's true. So no wonder so many willingly live on the street. You cannot wait four months for shelter, and if you go on the street, you give up your place for shelter.What then, do you do?

I chose my husband again as the lesser of two evils, but by this time he had lost our place. Funny, how I have always been so worthless and dependent on him (his words), but he lost our place when I left, and moved home with Mamma. I fled my mother's house, because in her quest to cover up her abuse of me, she tried (once, until I ripped her a new one) to paint me to be an abuser of my child. My child will go nowhere, do nothing without me. I ran from mom to escape the CPS call, and ended up getting a false one made by yet another sh*tty cop. But more on that in a minute.

My husband and I find a motel to live in. A squalid place, but his parents hate black people, so that's where we were. Husband began with the drinking and verbal abuse again. All of his misfortunes are the fault of black women, and he will say this. I tell him to leave us alone, then. He won't listen. When I'm gone, he'll find another. Maybe even impregnate her. He keeps going after this family dream he is too irresponsible to uphold.

Well, I get tired of coming "home" to this drafty room at night from the minimum wage job I took to be near my son (he attends school, but his schedule is short, and we could not afford daycare, nor were we eligible for assistance...so I had to be home to get him), only to be called a "nagging b*tch". What did I do to you? I do my best to help, I take jobs wherever I can, and when my health permits, I give you ALL of it (and it all goes to him, his needs, his wardrobes...my son gets his clothes bought by my mom, and I just do without). But you want to call me outside my name?

So I ask him to leave. He throws a tantrum, and this time the owner of the motel calls. He was trying to protect me and my son. The cops show up, and this time yet another female (I remember her name) tells me that I'm incapable of carrying on a conversation (because I would not just sit there and be yelled at by her), says she's trained by the local DV advocates, and that I need to "stop making bad decisions". I finally had my nervous breakdown.

WHY DO THESE PEOPLE KEEP BASHING ME AS A MOM? That woman has a gun, no one is going to threaten her.

So, since I had a breakdown, she cuffs me, throws me in the squad car, gives my son to my husband (my son had his own breakdown due to this), and carries me off to a mental health facility. I was released after I talked to the therapist. She ripped them a new one, and made them apologize to me.But I don't accept their half-a$$ed apology. I want blood. It gets better! This cop then goes on to say she "has to" report me to CPS, but in her report she does not mention my husband. She accused me of being mental, and exposing my child to domestic violence...in other words, I was crazy and I abused him. Luckily for me, the worker had sense. She closed my case as soon as we cornered my husband (I had moved back to the other abuser by then), and ordered him into alcohol treatment. Here men cannot start (and I say men, because it's usually men) DV treatment until they complete alcohol and drug treatment. My husband will not finish in time. Good. Go to jail.Serves you right.

I fell for the tears and fears one last time, because my non-verbal ASD child (look it up) spoke one day, as his visit with his father was ending. He said, "Daddy, no". I gave my husband one last chance for the sake of my child's happiness. I was willing to settle into a loveless marriage, if it meant that my son could be happy. Because I can never forgive this man for what he has done to me.

We prepared to move into another place. He says to me just days before we move, "I'm afraid I'm going to mess up again.". I now know that this was just him giving himself permission to show his behind. Which he has done, quite a bit in the last 4 months.

Well, he's going. In my state I can put him out. As worthless as he says I am, he can't squat and sh*t without me, he can't manage his finances, he can't keep food on the table. I'm gaining more and more independent income, and slowly transitioning everything into my name (bills). The rental office will back me, because they saw what he was from the jump. I am determined to keep my own place; finally I have a chance at independence. I won't let him ruin it. He can either go along with my transition plan and get his own place, continue his treatment and eventually become a good person, or he can go to jail. The probation terms (which I generously asked for) said he was to be done with all this therapy mess last year. He was too busy showing his tail.

Ladies, empower yourselves. The dude on here is probably an internet-savvy abuser, who is looking for justification of his abuse on the internet. He's hearing things in class that makes him uncomfortable, and possibly being called out by fellow class members. He has probably done jail time because of his abuse, and is resentful. If anything, ignore him. He is less than nothing.

My mother is in a similar relationship but she actually does get hit n he lives marks.. so I'm.pretty sure she can show the cops she's just scared to not be able to have a home of her own she has no.job no car so were is she going to go to with my 2 sis n brother... Yes it sounds easy get up n leave but I know ppl in an abusive relationship are scared n theyre mind is just in different state of mind... I believe she should file a restraining order in him file for abuse but she is scared always her word is scared... So my point is my mom is not married so what can she do?????

You are all in my thoughts and prayers. It's horrible to hear so many stories of women trapped.

PLEASE CONTACT A NATIONAL HOTLINE (I would refer you to a particular state but I don't know where you all are so, I found National information).

1-800-621-4673 safehorizon

copy and paste this URL for their website:

Safe Horizon :: For Domestic Violence

OR

1-800-799-7233 Nationa Domestic Violence Hotline

URL: National Domestic Violence Hotline

OR

1-888-743-5754

URL: Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men & Women

PLEASE GET HELP NOW!!! No one should have to live with abuse. Take care of yourselves and your children by taking action now.

Omg well there's some tossers posting on here that are obviously sore on the subject and probably be a man !! Lol fkn joker give yourself a pat on the back cause you obviously think the crap you have put on here is being taken with any degree of seriousness . Who gives a flying pig what you think you know !
Rigt stuff u ! On with what I would like to say :
Ive been in a few bad relationships and I'm just going to get out of my current bad relationship after coming to the conclusion that things haven't improved and they most likely aren't going to so I want him gone I have disability through bad joints and I have 5 kids who live in the house with me and the soon to be ex. He has been physically violent and put me in hospital before he is mentally abusive and verbally I am past the point of being afraid now . I snapped one day and beat him round the head with a bottle being punched at least 8 times in the face kinda sparks a reaction. Now I hate myself because I'm now the first to attack and I'm not a violent person by nature . He makes me feel ashamed of myself by provoking the violent side of myself I have very little control over some of my actions as I suffer with ADHD and impulsivity is a very big part of my life. I want him out of my house or I am going to leave which I would find extremely bad as I do not take to change easily and I also have agrophobia . But what ever happens I'm getting away from this man before he either hurts me or I do him some damage its the only answer .
Get away how ever you have to ! No matter what it takes it's worth it I hope you succeed x
Lorna

I've been married for 24 years now I've had more misery then happiness besides my girls I have two girls one 20 an 11 they are why I keep going. I've been through a lot. Staples in my head, broken bones while pregnant ,etc. had him arrested and begged my forgiveness an would always believe him an sty with him. The last time he hurt me physically was years ago. And it happened I front of my best friend an she bugged out an he panicked an tons of ( oh my god Lisa I'm so sorry please forgive me the whole ride )like a a$$ I lies to drs that I fell on my own. Well I think because I had my friend witness it all he never physically hurt me, once on a while his finger in my face but it all turned verbal or if he really wanted to get me he would turn to hurting my cat or dog.(called cops an they didn't arrest him but did help me get out) My family was far away and mad at me I was even with this guy so didn't really talk to them an look like a idiot that I didn't listen to them. Well years later got pregnant again an finally convinced him to move back home things were good for a bit seemed like he was on his best behavior around family( which pist me off cause made me look like I overreacting ) his mom lost her husband an didn't want to be alone so she asked if we would move in with her and we spent our money from the sale of our house to build a extension so girls had their own rooms. Thinks we're ok for a bit. But dealing with his mom that was bipolar an very verbal her self. Well sadly she passed like two years later and my husband stopped working and just turned into a bigger a$$ I felt bad for him so I let it go for a while untill the day he almost hit me an flipped the bed to make me go flying. ( by the way he has ADHD real bad) so started getting my ducks in a row then one day I get a call from school telling me to go to office , I get there and Dcf is waiting they tell me my daughter said daddy was touching her and I freaked out an had flashes of my uncle doing the same to me an took her to hospital to get her checked then to police station to question her again. I'm freaking saying I can't believe I didn't realize this was going on and my past was running through my head knowing how she must feel. Well Dcf forced him out untill they figured things out. Well a few weeks later. It came to be my five year told her teacher she too a bath with daddy and teacher reported it. Not knowing it was a hot tub they were in. But I still didn't feel right about it all. And got a restraint order an files for divorce an thy made him leave the house. And he was pist cause in his mind that was only his house cause it was his moms an it didn't matter we spent 65 thousand to add on to it. So threats. And showing up at my job trying to get me fired an so on called cops and they took him. Like a few months later his dad starts calling begging me to give him another chance. They forced him to go to drs an found out he also is bipolar and with the new Meds he's a whole new man an please he's lost with out you. Was still so angry I said hell no! Few months go by and I said what if I'm giving up too soon. We've been together so many years. Maybe I should give another chance. Maybe all his problems was he wasn't taking the right Meds. So I didn't have any what ifs let me try one last time. So he came back. Things was great. We decided to move to fl. Sold the house and bought are new house in full. Both of us were happy thinking ok this is nice. NOT!! Didn't take long after the a$$ hole was back. Now is worse then ever. And my kids are right in the middle of it all. I just had to stop working. Cause I got 5 blown disc in neck an back an need surgery don't have insurance An no money to get the hell out. An he won't leave cause in his mind it's his house cause we sold the house up north my daughter has to hear us fight she gets upset were she try's
To stick up for me an that pisses him off worse. I tell her please sweetie stay out of it I appreciate your trying to help but I don't want his anger towards you an she tells me no its her freedom of speech. Past few months having been the worst. He hasn't worked For almost 7 years now he's on social security for his mental issues and now that I'm hurt I don't work and we are together every dam day. I hate I can't cause that was my escape while kids were in school Through the years I've told him things I've been through. An tonight I was told I deserve my uncle doing things to me and I bet you loved it when that black guy raped you. An I must have enjoyed every bit. And sicker crap then that Ive over came all that years ago but to say all that infront of my 12 year old. Sickens me. I have no clue how to get out this time if it was just me. I would rather sleep in a car. But it's not and I will never leave her behind. I wish he would get out and when she turns 18 and goes off two school I'll sell the house an split it. But no way in hell will that happen he says. Please any advise. And please no nasty comments. I really don't need more negative crap in my life.

Originally Posted by Unregistered If this is your quote below. your an uncaring jerk. Get off this site! You know nothing of what you speak of. My abuser is financially supported by me, i cant get rid of him, he won't leave, he yells in my face, breaks everything i own in fits if rage, tells me what to do, how to act and how i should talk He constantly threatens me, my pets, my family and my house. Hes depressed and suicidal. But has no or very little income, has no family and no friends as he has a terminal disease that in part caused him to be a hermit/recluse. We've been together for 25 years. The last ten have been the worst in my life. Now I consider suicide just to somehow get away. Every situation is different...Here's what I experienced... 1) restraining orders don't stop someone who really wants to hurt you, especially if they are suicidal and intend to end themselves afterwards or if you give em an excuse to be that mad! 2) if police are called then he is only taken away for 48-72 hours. Do you think he'll be mad as hell then? How will he retaliate? It would help if you got a few days of police protection after they let him lose! Plus, I'm not sure screaming in your face will be constituted as enough evidence to hall him away in the first place. My abuser is also smart, he hits me on the back if the head or just holds me down to pull hair or spit or scream in my face. Never a mark! 3) oh, and some job applications ask if you've every been in a domestic dispute? Even if ur the victim, it could look bad to an employer! They don't want to deal with a new employees drama 4) if the abuser is suicidal... Before you can have them taken away you need a weapon, time, place and method. Basically, the abuser needs to announce when it will be and how or they need to be caught in the act. Once Halle's away they are observed for a couple days. My abuser is smart as a whip. You'd never know he's crazy, without me telling you. 5) If pets are your family (no kids for me) then it's very hard to find a shelter where they will take rm. god forbid you have more than one pet to worry about! No one cares about pets being threatened. I'm not an optimist, but I yell it like it is. Unless your in someone's exact shoes, you shouldnt judge.

I wrote this comment back in May. I have to admit that I am a bit hurt and upset that it received so many negative comments. It’s my fault, it’s hard to get across a complicated situation like this adequately in a blog format. Plus, when I wrote it, I was extremely upset and was writing through tears and frustration. Please forgive me.

I’m going to try again. I want to explain my situation to find out if anyone out there has or is experiencing something similar and to explore what other’s solutions were and/or are.

Here’s my story:

I met my abuser 23 years ago while we were in an art school. We both incurred much debt from our student loans. I couldn’t find a paying job that utilized my particular schooling, so I worked for minimum wage in retail. We were very young, very idealistic, full of hopes and dreams back then, but we were surviving, not thriving. My abuser is a musician and came close to “making it big” on more than one occasion. There has never been much of an income on his part because he has never held down a job longer than a year. Music has never paid off. Living in a cheap, small apartment then, I ended up paying the majority of the bills while he bought music gear with what little money he acquired. With my student loan weighing me down, I chose to go back to school to get a higher degree. I was good with science and initially thought I could be a doctor, a profession that would make a lot of money one day and which would for sure, pay off in the end and would pay off our loans. I continued to work full time in retail while I was in school. Back then, we dreamed of the future…I remember saying to him that when I become a doctor he wouldn’t have to work because I would make more money than we had ever seen before. He saw it as a promise.

He was diagnosed with a physical disabilitating disease when he was very young. He has always felt the clock ticking for “making it big”. But while I was in school, he just stopped playing music, now announcing that he will form his own band. He slowly became more and more reclusive, rarely leaving the house. His musician friends had become rock stars around him. His disease progressed. Where you once could barely tell he had a disease, you could now see the physical effects of it. As I finished up my first 2 years of school I realized that I would be in school for another 10-12 years if I was to be a doctor. This was too much for me to even comprehend. I ended up switching my career track to lab science. Unfortunately, I was misinformed from career counselors and thought I would still make a good income. Two years later, I graduated with a Bachelor of Science in a career that would not make more than a modest income. With a new student loan piled on top of the original loan from the art school, I was barely making it. Yet still paying for all the bills and even bought our first car, (in his name since I didn’t drive at the time) at 29% interest.

One day, a sewer pipe broke and our apartment that we lived in for so many years flooded with sewage. We were forced to move. We picked out a house to rent that he thought he can play music in and have people over. It was $300 more than the rent I was previously paying, but I agreed not knowing that $900 rent doesn’t include recycling, garbage and water on top of it. The house was 30 minutes outside of the city where we once lived. It isolated us even more from our friends and the stuff we use to do for fun.

[I’m talking past tense in some areas to better tell my story, but really this is also present tense]

We had always had fights, only back then, he was much more fair about it and didn’t harp on everything from the past. I do remember being embarrassed to leave the apartment after one of his yelling fests for fear that others overheard. But the last 10 years in this house has been something different all together. He began picking on me daily. I couldn’t do anything right in his eyes. He would make comments about how I talked, phrases I used, how I laughed, how my facial expression looked, how I dressed, and how I did things. This turned into calling me hurtful names on a daily basis…ugly, fat, the b and c words, stupid, idiot etc. This in turn did not help our sex life. It’s hard to want to be with someone intimately when they’ve been calling you such ugly things. Then the breaking of my things started. The remotes, alarm clocks and phones got the best of it. Then larger items like new coffee tables, TVs and computers. I constantly had to replace them. This did not help our financial situation, it only added to the stress. Our fights now consisted of him yelling, me sitting absolutely still, staring into his eyes because he wouldn’t tolerate me looking away. He would bring up the past. He would put all the blame for his failures in life somehow on me. The breaking of things increased. He became intolerable to me crying. So when tears came to my eyes, he yelled louder, even opening the windows so that neighbors could hear in an attempt to control me to shut up and listen for hours on end while he yelled at me. He occasionally began shoving me, pulling my hair, jumping on top of me and screaming and spitting on my face. Then pinching me, scratching or gouging my arm or hand with his nails, punching me in the arm, chest or back of the head. Bruises are rare, but the soreness is there. He began talking about a life before he met me in which he was a thug, hurt people on purpose. His everyday conversations became negative and it seemed that he was always talking violently…like “if I was in that situation, I would break their fingers, hurt them etc”. I began saying I didn’t want to be in the relationship anymore and would suggest he should move. He would come back violently with the fact he has no family or friends he could turn to and no money to survive on and then make obvious suggestions that he would make me pay if I kicked him out. He mentioned killing my pets, hurting me, burning the house down, taking a baseball bat to my family, even hurting his own family who has ignored him most of his life.

Then he began talking about suicide and he began saying that I promised him a $100,000 job (as a doctor) so that he wouldn’t have to work and where I could afford to move us into a better house and buy him the music gear he said he needed to form his own band. I truly do understand he is under a time strain to “make it” and that its compounded because of his disease, but I am unable to make that kind of money. My rent is now $1300 with utilities added on top. I pay for it all, including 2 cell phones and cable. I have a student loan payment of $700 per month and I feed, clothe us and keep a roof over our heads. I have a decent job, but it doesn’t pay that much. I have thrown all kinds of money his way over the years in hopes that once he got what he needed he would leave me alone. I have taken out loans (more debt) to try to get him the music gear he says he needs, but it’s never enough. He always needs more. And when he decides he needs more, he makes my life miserable. I don’t think he has ever apologized to me about anything. In fact, he somehow turns it around and I find myself apologizing to him. Its crazy, I know! I feel like a bad after school special. Its like Im watching someone else’s life. I know its all wrong. It shouldn’t be that way. I don’t deserve to be treated so meanly. He comes from a yelling mother and wife beating father. I come from a hugging and loving family that never yelled. Our worlds collided. I’m not a fighter, never will be. I stumble when I try to defend myself. I cry at the drop of a hat. Somehow the fights get turned around on me. But honestly I don’t have a clue how to get of this situation without his retaliation.

To give you an update on this though I want to say that I stopped reacting to his jabbing that he starts the fights off with. Maybe I have become numb. I don’t cry as much, and I just sit and bare it and then get up and go into the bedroom and leave him alone sitting on the couch. He usually leaves me alone afterwards, no violence. And the plus side is that he is finally getting it in his head that he wants to leave, try to get a place of his own because he would be better away from me. This is a first. I wont push it, Ive come to the conclusion that he has to make that leap on his own. It’s the only way he will be most likely not to retaliate.

Ok, so here are some points I wanted to make in my first post, but failed to do so..

1) Each individual’s situation is different. You can’t just say “leave him” and not know the whole picture. As in my case, it’s complicated and it has history. Most of us do care or maybe even love the person that is doing the abusing and are confused by that person’s actions and want to help them get better, regardless of our own perils and especially if you’ve been with someone for over 20 years. I personally sympathize with his situation. I know he is on a deadline to make it before he is completely in a wheel chair. I understand he is disabled and unable to now work an actual job. I understand he has no friends or family to turn to if he was to leave. I understand all of it. To say that someone just doesn’t want advice or help is wrong. There’s more things to think about before one can “leave” or get out of a situation. Life is complicated.
2) And yes, as I stated in the initial post. I have considered suicide as a way to escape the torture. Anyone in an abusive relationship, whether they admit it or not, has thought about it.
3) And yes, I do sometimes wish he would just kill himself and get it over with. Again, this is not uncommon. It’s the truth. Most people don’t admit to it.
4) Yes, I can sympathize with his situation. I have my own regrets and guilt at my own actions that contributed to the bad relationship.


OK…so here’s info and some questions I have had with regards to getting the help someone needs….


5) I have called the police and they said that unless there is a mark on me, then they will not take him in. If there was a mark, they would keep him for only a few days at most and then release him. I can only imagine the retaliation for that I would receive! Maybe if there was a witness relocation type of program… Or some police protection offered…
6) Restraining orders only work if they don’t plan on killing themselves. Often he says he would kill me and then turn it on himself.
7) Authorities only care that he’s suicidal if they catch him in the act or if he has reported that he has a method, date and a means to do it. In my case, he has never been that detailed. Again, if he was brought in for this, then he would be under observation for a week at most. Then what? Retaliation for sure. He’s no dummy, he would play them to make them believe he’s normal.
8) Authorities will not remove him from his residence even if he doesn’t pay for anything. I’m not a landlord. It doesn’t work that way. Plus, again, retaliation is still an issue.
9) Then there’s the issue of me leaving my own house. I have pets that are really my kids, since I never had any with him (thank goodness). But shelters don’t take pets. If I had kids, a shelter and even family would take me in. But not with pets.
10) Because he knows where I work, I’ve considered just picking up and leaving the state, even the country. Am I supposed to quit my job? My career? What money would I live on to start over somewhere else? There isn’t a fund to move you and get you a new job somewhere else is there?

My abuser somehow turns around the situation so that im the bad guy, that hes doing the things because hes reacting to me, everytime, i find myself apologizing. Its weird how they have that power...i keep trying to solve why that happens...am i just agreeing with him to shut him up and leave me alone? Am i that afraid of him? Did He condition me to just start apologizing even when ive done nothing wrong? How are abusers able to talk circles around the ones they abuse? For me too, its like i know its wrong...im looking at someone elses life.

Originally Posted by Unregistered It's unclear why people are still giving this woman advice. She doesn't want answers. She just wants to b i t c h. Clearly, she does have choices. She doesn't want to hear or accept what they are. Like it or not, he cannot be forced to leave his home. If she wants out, she has to leave. Period. And abuse can be proven. Further, the police do not even look for abuse when they're called to the scene of a domestic disturbance (why haven't they been called yet?). They arrest the man if even a hint of abuse has taken place. They don't need obvious signs. If two people are in a marriage, whichever person puts all of the financial responsibility on the other person is the reason why they're broke. She's not broke due to his choices in life. She's broke due to her own poor choices. We all have to live with the consequences of the choices we make in life. Instead of *****ing about them, do something to change them.

Wow. You must be the husband. Are you saying that because my husband forces me to not pay bills with intimidation and theats, and the police answer is, here's a poorly guarded shelter (where he found me withing an hour) we can put you in but he can do whatever he wants... it's my fault? There's a way out but dang give the girl a break. She probably needs an answer to the actual question rather than a judgement from you.

I think you all need to call 1-INE-EDD-RAMA.