How can I get my husband out of the house if he refuses to leave?

Sorry, my phone has a mind of its own and inserts the wrong word when I type too fast. My point is, dealing with an abuser is complicated. Everyone says "leave", but it's not always that easy or even doable. It depends on the situation. I'm weighing my options now. I'm so very tired of it all. Good luck to you all. I sympathized whole heartedly!

Originally Posted by Unregistered If this is your quote below. your an uncaring jerk. Get off this site! You know nothing of what you speak of. My abuser is financially supported by me, i cant get rid of him, he won't leave, he yells in my face, breaks everything i own in fits if rage, tells me what to do, how to act and how i should talk He constantly threatens me, my pets, my family and my house. Hes depressed and suicidal. But has no or very little income, has no family and no friends as he has a terminal disease that in part caused him to be a hermit/recluse. We've been together for 25 years. The last ten have been the worst in my life. Now I consider suicide just to somehow get away. Every situation is different...Here's what I experienced... 1) restraining orders don't stop someone who really wants to hurt you, especially if they are suicidal and intend to end themselves afterwards or if you give em an excuse to be that mad! 2) if police are called then he is only taken away for 48-72 hours. Do you think he'll be mad as hell then? How will he retaliate? It would help if you got a few days of police protection after they let him lose! Plus, I'm not sure screaming in your face will be constituted as enough evidence to hall him away in the first place. My abuser is also smart, he hits me on the back if the head or just holds me down to pull hair or spit or scream in my face. Never a mark! 3) oh, and some job applications ask if you've every been in a domestic dispute? Even if ur the victim, it could look bad to an employer! They don't want to deal with a new employees drama 4) if the abuser is suicidal... Before you can have them taken away you need a weapon, time, place and method. Basically, the abuser needs to announce when it will be and how or they need to be caught in the act. Once Halle's away they are observed for a couple days. My abuser is smart as a whip. You'd never know he's crazy, without me telling you. 5) If pets are your family (no kids for me) then it's very hard to find a shelter where they will take rm. god forbid you have more than one pet to worry about! No one cares about pets being threatened. I'm not an optimist, but I yell it like it is. Unless your in someone's exact shoes, you should judge.

The other unregistered user who says this woman is lying sounds like an abuser themselves - or an abusers mother who sees nothing wrong in her sons lies. I have had this situation,My husband is a control freak behind closed doors he is SCARY but to the police and courts and outside world he lies he's way out of things and charms the birds out of the trees.These men wont leave because they love the power and control and they love the thrill of being able to fool the outside world -some are real smart and even plan murder etc.Noone has the right to treat other beings badly and what sort of person are you to condone someone in a very sad situation you are obviously not a nice person yourself.I am alone in another country so i know how difficult it is to gain help -these men always isolate their partners so they can do these things in secret-if i was back in the UK i could easily leave but I also have nowhere to go but am planning to leave.It is just the threats that one dark night he will come and kill you that has kept me with him so long. To the lady in question -if you get a restraining order he will have to go but you will have to fight your case in court -emotional abuse is just the same as physical so list everything and you should win ,be brave and stand up to him and buy a big nasty dog
good luck.

OH. MY. GOD. There is no way possible the user posting with the named "unregistered" is a woman..
Sounds like an angry guy who's posting to get every one riled up.
Everyone work as a team! Ignore this insensitive, angry, self seving a- hole.
Just IGNORE him. That is the only way to get rid of these idiots from the blog.

You begin your childish rant with typical name calling. My 10 year old niece is more adult than you.

Your "broke" situation is nobody's fault but your own. Choosing to "believe his sorry a s s" was still a choice, wasn't it, tootsie roll? It's always someone else's fault isn't it? That makes it easier to not have to look in the mirror doesn't it? If you're honest with yourself, you'll admit that you're more mad at yourself for allowing yourself to be used and abused than you are angry at anyone. But somehow I doubt you have that much strength of character (if your post is any indication of your mentality).

Further, nobody is forcing you to stay married to such an "abusing drunk" are they? Own up to your own culpability or is it simply more fun to sling mud?

Get some anger management therapy. You clearly need it.

The above two posts are more proof positive how people just won't own up to their own personal accountability.

If it gets people "riled up" then ask yourself WHY you're getting "riled up" by words on the internet written by absolute strangers whose words SHOULD mean NOTHING to you.

Getting "riled up" only proves you see some truth in what's "riling you up".

Any person who financially calls the shots when living with an abuser can kick his or her sorry ass out. What kind of moron would PAY for a person to live under their own roof and "abuse" them?

Seriously, you people need to get more important things weighing on your minds. Too bad you're not going through what I'm going through right now. I'd gladly trade places with you, if all you have to ***** about is some total stranger "riling you up" simply because you can't face up to your own personal accountability.

"My abuser is financially supported by me, i cant get rid of him, he won't leave, he yells in my face, breaks everything i own in fits if rage, tells me what to do, how to act and how i should talk He constantly threatens me, my pets, my family and my house."

Seriously! You think of suicide to get away from a terminally ill person whom you're supporting financially?

Please enlighten us on why you continue to financially support this person who makes you feel so suicidal. I'm interested to know why it's easier for you to commit suicide than to simply throw him out on his ear.

Originally Posted by Unregistered It's unclear why people are still giving this woman advice. She doesn't want answers. She just wants to b i t c h. Clearly, she does have choices. She doesn't want to hear or accept what they are. Like it or not, he cannot be forced to leave his home. If she wants out, she has to leave. Period. And abuse can be proven. Further, the police do not even look for abuse when they're called to the scene of a domestic disturbance (why haven't they been called yet?). They arrest the man if even a hint of abuse has taken place. They don't need obvious signs. If two people are in a marriage, whichever person puts all of the financial responsibility on the other person is the reason why they're broke. She's not broke due to his choices in life. She's broke due to her own poor choices. We all have to live with the consequences of the choices we make in life. Instead of *****ing about them, do something to change them.

Are you out of your effing mind??...you hideous circus side show freak! I think it's hilarious that your wife kicked you the F out...& you are probably typing at the library (all pissed off).

Get your a$$ to work, & pay the mortage/child support/ alimony so your ex wife and kids can live happily without you. While you are at it, get your pathetic Napoleon complex syndrome a$$ some counseling.

I feel sorry for your mother....pathetic pos!

Hi I'm in the same situation. I have three children all under five and my husband wont leave he keeps walking out on us and comes back as he pleases I have no evidence of violence but he restrains me and puns me down. I've even tried to push him so much that I actully get beaten up so badly so I have eviedience and I can get the police involved but he knows exactly what I'm doing and restrains me by using all the pressure points in my body so I don't bruise. Ice tried every avenue to get him out I have no money can't claim benefits as he still here and he needs to agree to leave to have his name taken off the agreement. I'm trying to be strong for my kids and they r the only ones who is keeping me going and living. Some men are bully's. I have no money to go to the solictors and get help. I've phoned police citizen advice and I wont get housed if I make myself homeless!!!! I can't afford to rent private or have anyone to be guarantor for me so u could move out and claim housing benefit on private landlord. There has gotta be some other way. Desperate need of help.

Originally Posted by Unregistered Judging from the hostile vitriol of your response, you likely had him falsely arrested in order to get him out of the house. You begin your childish rant with typical name calling. My 10 year old niece is more adult than you. Your "broke" situation is nobody's fault but your own. Choosing to "believe his sorry a s s" was still a choice, wasn't it, tootsie roll? It's always someone else's fault isn't it? That makes it easier to not have to look in the mirror doesn't it? If you're honest with yourself, you'll admit that you're more mad at yourself for allowing yourself to be used and abused than you are angry at anyone. But somehow I doubt you have that much strength of character (if your post is any indication of your mentality). Further, nobody is forcing you to stay married to such an "abusing drunk" are they? Own up to your own culpability or is it simply more fun to sling mud? Get some anger management therapy. You clearly need it.

You must be male. Or a female who hates other females. Abused women have the right to anger, they have the right to expect to be safe, to have their children be safe.

It's always a dude who claims that the woman is abusive, that perhaps the cops got the wrong person. I feel sorry for the women and children who come across you.

Luckily for me, the ONE cop who ever did anything took pictures, and while I asked for a treatment program for my husband, he has not complied. He'll be gone by December. I've tried to negotiate, to help him get on his own (I have my own business), but he keeps acting like I never spoke a word.

Apparently you know NOTHING about abuse. Or you are an abuser yourself. HER HUSBAND IS FORCING HER TO STAY IN THAT MARRIAGE. Read "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft, you might see yourself in there. Psycho.

There are countless ways that an abusive man can trap a woman in her home. Among them are isolation from family (moving across the country), limited access to finances (as in, you stay home, I make all the money, and you can't have any unless I say so). Physical intimidation (I'll hurt you or worse if you leave), physical abuse. Puh-lease. Dude (because you are a dude, or wish you were one), get a grip.

Originally Posted by Unregistered You accuse your husband of mental abuse. What is his view of matters? Would he accuse you of mental abuse? We are only getting your side of what is going on. Your obscure reference to a "chronic illness" got alarm bells ringing. Is that a mental illness perhaps? It sounds as though one or both of you need counselling, rather than calling in the lawyers.

My god, what the f**k is wrong with you people? Stop blaming the woman! God, you all are so awful!

I too, have a chronic illness. I had a stroke five years ago, and the scar tissue on my brain causes seizures. Chronic illness happens, and even if a person is depressed, it doesn't mean that a person deserves to be abused. Ohmygosh! Ugh!

Originally Posted by Friend In Court:
Abusers side with other abusers, so one can ignore anonymous postings that call women names who have been battered and abused and side with the abuser. No wonder such posters prefer to remain anonymous. Lots of mysogenists out there.

I had law enforcement side with my abuser. They refused to even look up the warrant. They accused me of being a bad mother, shamed me....come to find out that I could report them. I've finally gotten in touch with people who can help me. Where I live, there are a lot of minorities (I am one), mentally ill people, homeless. The police profile.

I am getting rid of my husband, too. No, muthaf*cka, you cannot snap my neck. Luckily for me, his dumb tail didn't comply with the terms of his probation, so all I have to do is get my finances together and wait.

Yes, if someone is telling you that men are abused, or that you are at fault, it is probably a man who is in domestic violence counseling and mad about it.

These men aren't in DV counseling because of drug use, bad childhoods, or anger at Mommy. They are there because they are selfish mofos who see women as objects to use. They will probably never EVER change.

Get out. Contact your state attorney (or commonwealth), contact the domestic violence hotlines, make a safety plan. Get a bank account, or better yet a prepaid card you can keep on you and squirrel away money. Keep all important documents in a place where you can get them on the way out. Personally, I don't agree with the "leave your kids if you have to" business, because I know here in VA, the racist cops would say that I abandoned my child. They listen to my caucasian husband brag about his government job every time (and he's always outside where they can't smell the alcohol), and then they come into my house ready to fight with me. Well, I got something for them. As soon as this dust settles. Two years of displacing and endangering me. No more.