Domestic assault charges... as a victim can I have them dropped?

This is a discussion on Domestic assault charges... as a victim can I have them dropped? within the Domestic Violence & Abuse forum, part of the Divorce, Separation, Annulment category; To fully understand here is the story, My husband has a substance abuse problem and I recently made him leave ...

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Old Oct 3rd, 2008, 09:53 PM   #1
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Unhappy Domestic assault charges... as a victim can I have them dropped?

To fully understand here is the story,

My husband has a substance abuse problem and I recently made him leave our house. We have a baby and on Sunday of last week he came to see her. He has been attending A.A and has a drug and alcohol assessment done and is trying to get sober. Anyways, he wanted to know when he could come home and I told him I didn't know and I wasn't ready for him to come home yet and he needed to prove to me that he was serious about getting clean. My husband and I got into a verbal arguement and I asked him to leave he got mad and so did I, he had our baby in his arms and I went to grab her from him and he grabbed my leg. He ended up threatening me and he left, but I ended up calling the police. The police charged him with domestic assault, but I don't want him charged with anything...I know it is a little late for that. There is no previous history of violence and he has no criminial record. I know many victims of violence say this, but he really is not aggressive, our issues are the sustances he abuses. My questions to anyone out there is:

What kind of punishment can he face best and worse scenerio?
Can the charges be dropped?
What can I do and what should he do?
And what do we do if we can't afford a lawyer?

We live in Ontario.

PLEASE HELP! I am so stressed over this matter and I just want to work on my marriage and getting him the help he needs.

Last edited by megspegs; Oct 3rd, 2008 at 09:55 PM.
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Old Apr 24th, 2009, 12:16 PM   #2
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Default re: Domestic assault charges... as a victim can I have them dropped?

Hi there,

I am in a same kind of situation that you were. I just want to know how did u resolve this. Did u take the charges off from him? Please help me in this case, i feel helpless. I am also in Ontario, so same rules would apply to me. I hope you get back to me ASAP.

Thanks in advance,
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Old Apr 24th, 2009, 09:57 PM   #3
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Unhappy re: Domestic assault charges... as a victim can I have them dropped?

Hi,

I had to see victim services and the crown, I told them what happened and because he had no previous charges or offences the court eventually gave him an absolute discharge. However, we did have a lawyer who was working on his behalf, so I recommend getting one. The reality is that these situations are awful and don't always turn out the way you hope. So in answer to having the charges dropped, no you can't...in Ontario once you make the call to the police that's it, it is out of your hands and the police make the charges. The crown should ask you what you want to do, however I was told to remember that there are a lot of women out there who say they want the charges dropped because they are afraid of what that person might do to them. I hope this helps and good luck to you...I am truly sorry that you are in this position in the first place, I know it is hard, take it one day at a time that is all you can do and the system does the rest.

Take care
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Old May 12th, 2009, 04:39 PM   #4
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Default re: Domestic assault charges... as a victim can I have them dropped?

Drink and drugs do not make people become abusive; people are abusive already, and maybe the drink makes them less inhibited. You are fooling yourself if you blame the drugs, not the person. And he's using a lame excuse. It only gets worse.

In most jurisdictions, a victim of a crime cannot have the charges dropped. It is the state prosecuting the perp, just as when someone steals from a bank; the bank doesn't get to decide if the person should be prosecuted or not. And while you may believe you were the only victim, what about the children? This gives the message it is okay to hurt someone if you are tired or angry or on drugs.
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Old Jun 28th, 2009, 08:15 PM   #5
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Default re: Domestic assault charges... as a victim can I have them dropped?

HI
My husbend and me were having some verbal conversation early in the morning..one of our neighbour called the police. they came and i was so upset then they took my husbend.though i told them please don't take him..i was really happy with him..just for a little thing i don wanna loose him..i called the police and request them to release him..but they took him to the jail..and then after 12 hours they released him but the court put some condition that we can't meet each other and all...i don't even know where is he staying since i can't contact him.. after 1 week i went to the court because it was his hearing date..one case worker talked with me and told me that she will pass my wish to the crown..but i don't know she really did or not...and then the corwn said she needs more time to investigate and she postponed the case to next week..I really want to be with him..i don't wanna loose him...he is such a nice person.. now i don't know what to do..the crown is not even contacting me..only a case worker talked to me and told me she will pass my wish to the corwn..i don't know what is gonna happen next week. we both never had any charges before..I'm just streesing out at home thinking of him...can any one reply plzzzzzzzzzz...........
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Old Feb 4th, 2010, 11:22 PM   #6
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Default re: Domestic assault charges... as a victim can I have them dropped?

Hi, there,

You should first obtain a statement to police, find out what is on the statement which Crown Council uses to charge your partner in court. You should also go to the Crown Council to find out when is the date for the trial hearing. Once you have made a statement to the police, you can't take it back, but you can recant, and clarify what you said when the incident happen... If your partner did not assault you, no threat. Your partner should be reunited with you soon.
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Old Feb 15th, 2010, 01:04 PM   #7
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Confused re: Domestic assault charges... as a victim can I have them dropped?

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for eight years, over that time he has been very abusive, physically and mentally. He has tried to get help, but noone out there will help him. Just recently he threw a knife and it stuck in my leg, the police came, took pictures, made me go to the hospital. They took him to jail, he was bailed out the next day.The police made me make a statement even though I did'nt want to. Now he has a no contact order.He's being made to go to AA and counselling, but he wants to get help. We love each other, we want to be together, I want to be there for support. I don't want to testify. I sthere any way we can get the no contact order dropped?
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Old Feb 15th, 2010, 04:17 PM   #8
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Default re: Domestic assault charges... as a victim can I have them dropped?

Let me make sure I understand this correctly. He threw a KNIFE at you, it struck you in the leg (if it had hit the femoral artery you could very well have quickly bled to death), and you had to be FORCED to get medical treatment? Further, you "love" this dangerous person who could have killed you, who is violent towards you, and want to be with him? Am I clear so far?

Are you saying this because you are afraid of him? Or do you actually have sado-masochistic love for this poor excuse for a man? You want to "support" your potential killer? This is serious stuff here. It's not a matter that warrants brushing under the carpet.

The police will not drop the charges, as he committed a serious offense. Assault with a deadly weapon. While you may be stupid enough to put up with his violent tendencies, others do not have to be exposed to his dangerous, unstable behavior. If he can do this to someone he supposedly "loves", he certainly can assault someone who he doesn't care about, who WOULD press charges and be happy to see him off the streets. His behavior certainly wont change if you continue to mollify him. All you are doing is encouraging his bad (and extremely violent, dangerous) behavior, giving him the false sense of security that he will be able to get out of trouble like this long after you are a nothing but a mere memory. Keep in mind that you as a memory could very well be 6 feet under, at his hand.

This is another story that is a fine example of why cops should never have been given the duty to interfere with domestic relations. It's a waste of their time, and a waste of taxpayer money.
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Old Mar 4th, 2010, 10:03 AM   #9
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Default re: Domestic assault charges... as a victim can I have them dropped?

First of all, the State picks up the charges. It's not up to us. (I am a survivor) They will make their case w/ or with out you. Secondly, it only gets worse. Once they start seeing what they can get away with, it goes to the next level. I was told to change my identity and relocate. I refused, and am going to school to try to get a political position to make changes.

>> Domestic Violence Fact Sheet (ncadv.org)

>> Domestic Violence Facts (athealth.com)

Keep in mind, love doesn't hurt. Domestic Violence is all about power and control. If try to drop the charges, it just gives him more control, and you get even more tangled in his web, and the more intangled you get, when you finally see the light about what is happening to your life, it is a lot harder and more dangerous to get out. 211 is a national helpline. They have counseling referrals, shelter referrals, (now, shelters are not just that. It is a resourse center for women, support groups, etc.) The main thing, as scarry as it is, we can't let the abusers constantly get away with what they are doing. Good luck!!
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Old Mar 5th, 2010, 04:29 PM   #10
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Default re: Domestic assault charges... as a victim can I have them dropped?

My g/f had me locked up for punching her in the face and kicking her. Thats not what i did, I did push her. But i was defending myself against her. why can I get a DVO against her?
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