Don't want this process to have a lasting negative effect because of money

[Bryants]

Money, divorce and a child

I would just like to know if anyone has any experience in this. A man and woman goes through the process of a divorce, during this process money is tight for the husband so he can't make "child support" payments like he verbally told his ex he'd try to make. He doesn't get to see his daughter as much as he's like to because the ex makes it difficult for that to happen. Because of the money issue. This is what's happening now.

The divorce gets finalized, child support is automatically taken out of his paycheck and then, lo and behold, things get easier for the dad. I realistically see this part happening to me. My question is, if the daughter doesn't know that dad hasn't been able to see her because of money and not because he doesn't love her, because I do love her and tell her that everyday, how is this going to affect her? She's 13 and she's able to understand more things on a more adult level now.

I just don't want this whole process to have a lasting negative effect simply because of money. There is a mandatory parent education class I have to take because a minor child is involved in the divorce and they might address this issue, but that's still a few weeks away and this has been bugging me for awhile now.

Any advice?

[AFFA]

I wish to inform you that you may make a considered decision of whether to inform the child about your money problems only after discussing with a counselor or after the mandatory parent education class. The counselor can guide you as to the appropriate path to follow to safeguard the child from any negative thoughts at this tender and sensitive age.

AFF

[Friend In Court]

Originally Posted by Bryants Money, divorce and a child I would just like to know if anyone has any experience in this. A man and woman goes through the process of a divorce, during this process money is tight for the husband so he can't make "child support" payments like he verbally told his ex he'd try to make. He doesn't get to see his daughter as much as he's like to because the ex makes it difficult for that to happen. Because of the money issue. This is what's happening now. The divorce gets finalized, child support is automatically taken out of his paycheck and then, lo and behold, things get easier for the dad. I realistically see this part happening to me. My question is, if the daughter doesn't know that dad hasn't been able to see her because of money and not because he doesn't love her, because I do love her and tell her that everyday, how is this going to affect her? She's 13 and she's able to understand more things on a more adult level now. I just don't want this whole process to have a lasting negative effect simply because of money. There is a mandatory parent education class I have to take because a minor child is involved in the divorce and they might address this issue, but that's still a few weeks away and this has been bugging me for awhile now. Any advice?

It is unfortunate for your daughter that the ex has coupled the child's right to see you with support. The classes should be good for her, especially. When a child is deprived of a parent, the most harm is done to them. It is hard enough on them to have a marriage, their once intact two-parent home broken up and not have the daily interaction with one parent. But to deprive the child of the parent of even the minimal time allotted in visitation orders is cruel -- cruel to the child. Many children wrongfully believe that they somehow were responsible for the marriage breakup. Feelings of abandonment are common.

Through the parenting class you will be given suggestions on how to explain to your daughter that you have always loved her and always will. And explain the absence in a way that she can understand, without demeaning her mother. At 13 she is probably more aware than you realize of what has been going on. Odds are that there will be no lasting damage from the separation and time apart. Young teens are more perceptive and resilient than we sometimes give them credit for. Good luck to you and I trust you will find the parenting classes very, very helpful.

[Franklin]

You said it yourself, your daughter is able to understand things on a more adult level. Be totally honest with her and as positive as possible. She'll pick up on all of that.

Good luck.