WORLD Law Direct Forums
Home > WORLD Law Direct Forums > FAMILY LAW, DIVORCE, CUSTODY > Divorce, Separation, Annulment > have to give up custody of adopted child, relinquish our parental rights

have to give up custody of adopted child, relinquish our parental rights

This is a discussion on have to give up custody of adopted child, relinquish our parental rights within the Divorce, Separation, Annulment forum, part of the FAMILY LAW, DIVORCE, CUSTODY category; I am in same situation. I have 2 adopted children and 3 biological and only have problem with 1 of ...

Consult Your Own Personal Lawyer Now!
Reply  POST NEW QUESTION

 

Thread Tools Search this Thread Rate Thread Display Modes
Old Apr 25th, 2009, 05:43 AM   #21
Unregistered
Guest
 

Unregistered's Avatar
 
Posts: n/a

Angry re: have to give up custody of adopted child, relinquish our parental rights

I am in same situation. I have 2 adopted children and 3 biological and only have problem with 1 of my adopted daughters. She has diagnosis of RAD and impulse disorder and is destructive, violent, dangerous, steals, lies as easily as she breathes about everything. She has already tried to stab my other children with a knife and scissors so now I have them put up but then stabbed my daughter in the neck with an ink pen. I too have called for Residential and was ridiculed for doing so by everyone including family who do not live the daily battle as I do and my other children do as well. It's not fair to me and my other normal children that we longer can go in public and she steals their things or destroys their property and has tried to kill them and injures them several times a week. It's like living with domestic violence but the violence is by a child. There is literally no help out there and when I've called for it. I've been turned into Children Protective Services by the school and they think I'm the one with the problem. They just couldn't believe this sweet little girl they met was like that since she fools adults, teachers and even some therapists. The only way I can convince somebody she's like she is since I never know at what moment she will act out I would literally have to have surveylance in my home! So for the people that do not walk in our shoes do not comment. You have no idea what we deal with daily with these children. My only option is to give her up since there is no cure for RAD and I have to keep my other children safe. She wakes in the night and sneaks around the house and has been standing over me in my bed. My youngest sleeps with a bat she's so afraid of her since she gets beat the most by her. My son locks his door at night. She has even broke into neighbors house and she's only 11, he's a cop and he was confused as to why she would be standing in his kitchen when he got home. If you could read some of her made up stories "may evil be with you forever" and "may you die when you're born" and her bizarre gory drawings, you'd be afraid too! I'm constantly apologizing for her actions and I'm tired. I'm starting to fall ill and I'm on medication for stress and can no longer work or find a babysitter for her so I can return to work. It's a battleground daily
  Reply With Quote

1 out of 1 members found this post helpful. Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No
Sponsored Links
Our lawyers can help you avoid foreclosure to salvage your home, buy time to pay mortgage debts, and resolve your financial troubles. Consult Your Own Personal Lawyer Now!
Old Jun 8th, 2009, 07:36 PM   #22
Unregistered
Guest
 

Unregistered's Avatar
 
Posts: n/a

Confused re: have to give up custody of adopted child, relinquish our parental rights

I am not knowing what to do myself.... I have a child who is 12 1/2 and is going through so much.... we as parets have given up so much for her and still the situation is not working in our favor... not sure when but pray every day that she can learn to love herself... I am a parent that has read all kinds of books, viewed a number of videos and been through all kinds of training in the RAD, ODD, ect. and still to no avail we have had no luck. My child has recently informed me that the voice she has needs to be heard and she is so sorry to hurt our feelings.... but that she does not want us as a family and that she will continue to make our lives as horrible as can be because she feels that their is another family out there for her.... what to do next? have been hearing this for the last 5 years but it seems to be getting more frequent.... I told her sorry "Your stuck with us" and she just does not like that... She has run away several times, been physical with me and has called the police on my own bio son claiming things that were not true while I was in the house she did this.... she has been in a mental facility and now she is in a group home and has hurt herself as well as others and has ran away... We drive to visit and spend so much time in talking with her for her to understand that we love her and we are very supportive of what she needs to learn which is "HERSELF" and for some reason she has so many things wrong that I really don't see her being fixed. This has been my worst nighmare ever of not being able to sleep at night not knowing what she is doing even though she is not in my own home.... not sure what to do next.... have been receiving help from the state but then again that is only for a short while. We have tried, so not sure what to do niext?
  Reply With Quote

1 out of 1 members found this post helpful. Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No
Old Jun 9th, 2009, 02:31 PM   #23
Unregistered
Guest
 

Unregistered's Avatar
 
Posts: n/a

Default re: have to give up custody of adopted child, relinquish our parental rights

Everyone who is being critical of people who adopt these older children and are thinking of giving them back should go and adopt one and see how hard it is. How dare all of you judge those of us who tried to do a good thing in the world and have seen that good deed punish you forever. I found this forum because my 16 year old beloved daughter, who I adopted at the age of 7, just ran away from us to live with her biological mother...who just got out of prison for a number of violent crimes. I am terrified that I might be held accountable for something that they might do. I have 3 other biological kids who are great kids with NO problems. My daughter has had the best of everything, schools, parents who love her, activities, counseling, church, but the doctors told us she had attachment issues because of the abuse she experienced at the hands of her biological mother and they said she would never be able to love anyone normally.

None of our very hard work, love, structure, helped. She always took the lions share of the parenting, and I will feel forever guilty for inflicting her on my other kids. I really thought she loved us, but these kids are only nice to you if they need you. She didn't even tell us goodbye when she left (immediately after a very nice 16th birthday trip...she waited until after that.)

If you have never suffered the heartbreak of dealing with an emotionally damaged child...back off!
  Reply With Quote

1 out of 1 members found this post helpful. Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No
Old Jul 29th, 2009, 08:51 AM   #24
Unregistered
Guest
 

Unregistered's Avatar
 
Posts: n/a

Default re: have to give up custody of adopted child, relinquish our parental rights

I am an adoptive parent and agree that until you have experienced one of these kids especially RAD you cannot judge.
Social reports before you adopt only give a summary of past abuse/neglect only when you live with the child can you truly see how this manifests in behaviours which securely attached children do not show.
And yes you take the kids in warts and all but that does not mean you cant admit when a child may be better off somewhere else!!
You can be the most theraputic and relaxed parent in the world but boy can these kids push your buttons!
I have my own 11 year old girl and my wife and I have adopted a 6 year old boy and at times I could gladly hand him back to social services and if i,m honest if he was still in foster care may have done just that. I havent but thats because we have some support from professionals who without there help "yes we would be back to a family of 3"
They manipulate,control you name it and I can totally understand how parents can get to a point where enough is enough.
The system has to accept this and accept that these parents have tried!!! and asked for help which is more than some of the do gooders who blame the parents for giving up.

Advice for dogooders go to the library get a Kate Cairns or Dan Hughes Book do some research before casting judgement on the very special people who at least try to make a differnce to these kids lives.
Its hard and sometimes it becomes too much!! wouldn,t it be so much worse if instead of passing these kids on or getting help,these parents became stressed out and possibly ill themselves or worse still became as bad as the parents who lost the kids in the first place!!
  Reply With Quote

1 out of 1 members found this post helpful. Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No
Old Jul 31st, 2009, 10:28 AM   #25
a concerned mother
Guest
 

a concerned mother's Avatar
 
Posts: n/a

Default re: have to give up custody of adopted child, relinquish our parental rights

I adopted a child from the state when she was age 5. I was nieve(I was age 24 and thought I could fix any childs problems with love and understanding) to the fact that reactive attachment disorder is real and the abuses she experienced before she came into my home were unfixable. The state did not conduct any evaluations to make sure she was safe to bring in my home, but assured us she was never sexually abused. Now my daughter is 11 years old. I have been in panic mode for years taking her to every doctor, councelor, therpaist possible to help her. I knew something was very wrong and my mothers intuition was telling me over and over that she was going to hurt my children. We continued with therapy. She became so out of control with her rage problems I was stumped at what to do. My sister decided to help with respitr care to give me a break as I had a nervous breakdown dealing with her. Recently we found out she has been molesting my 2 year old son and my sisters two year old son since they were babies. We never let her babysit, we never let her change diapers, we never let her alone with other children. She was raping them with other people around. I would sent all 5 of my kids outside to play in the yard. She would find ways to pull them aside and molest them. She was also having sex and oral sex since she was 8 on the school bus and on the playground while recess teachers were around. The state tells me that they can not find a home for Anna(nobody wants to handle that kind of liability) the only places that will take her costs 6,000 a month. CPS said if she comes back in our home that my other children are endanger and they will take my four biological kids away. My other four biological kids will cost much less together than finding a home for my adopted daughter. I am stuck between a rock and a hard spot. The state will not let me relinguish my rights(or so they say) but if she comes home they will take my other four kids. I have called around to find a private girls home for her and they won't take a sexually aggressive youth. My mom has been watching our adopted daughter for two months while we have been trying to figure out what to do. My mom is now in bed sick because my daughter is that hard. Nobody knows how taxing it is to keep a child like this. We all fill bad for her, but believe it or not the abuse happened in the womb and before she came to us and our daughter is uncontrolable. Only God can judge. No one should judge what kind a parent someone else is until they have walked a mile in there shoes. These other parents have not given up on there child, they are just trying to find a better suited place for a very disturbed child and believe it or not there are disturbed children. Some of us sacrafice our whole life trying to help while risking the saftey of our own family and the saftey of others by trying to fix a childs problems that sometimes can't be fixed.
  Reply With Quote

1 out of 1 members found this post helpful. Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No
Old Jul 31st, 2009, 11:17 AM   #26
Unregistered
Guest
 

Unregistered's Avatar
 
Posts: n/a

Default re: have to give up custody of adopted child, relinquish our parental rights

I think the reason people were getting upset and "judging" these adoptive parents for abandoning their children is, with so many unwanted children in the world who go home with their biological parents, for better or worse, and be treated badly is one thing. It's difficult to do anything about that.

When people actually seek to adopt, they are making a concerted choice to be parents. They have obviously weighed all factors in that decision, including financial. When an adoptive parent doesn't like it when they get a "little trouble maker", instead of a perfect little angel, it evokes outrage in the people who have to deal with their own "little troublemakers" because they are biologically related.

It's a shame adoptive parents don't want damaged children, but there are, sadly, too many to count out there who desperately needs homes and people to love them. The child in the original post was clearly abused on a very seriously level and is clearly exhibiting signs of that. To give up on the child and take her back as if returning a bad dog to the pound is just an outrage. Those who choose to do so become upset with us "judgers" because the truth hurts.

This kind of abandonment only teaches the other children involved that it is okay to throw a person away when they don't behave perfectly. Yes, there are mental illnesses, and for that reason there are many homeless people in this world. They don't need abandonment. They need help and support. Mental illness is one of the most shunned illnesses in the world today. Has shunning them helped them? Has it helped society as a whole?

If I went to the extreme of going out and adopting a child, I would damn well find a way to pay for that child's care. I certainly would not relinquish my legal rights and put the child back into the hands of the welfare system, who relies on us tax payers to support children such as these. Adopting a child is a serious undertaking. It's not one that is taken lightly and I hope the systems does not allow adoptive parents to simply give the child back when the child acts up. Let's imagine if all the biological parents did that. Our welfare system would be swamped and our taxes would skyrocket.

Life doesn't dole out fair rules. What if this were your biological child? Would you still put it back on us taxpayer's hands to support because you were too weak in character to stick to your decision to adopt a child?

Let this be a lesson that not all adoptive children are precious little angels full of hope, promise and wonder. These people guilty of giving their adoptive children are saying shame on us who judge them for their despicable decision. I say shame on you for abandoning YOUR child.
  Reply With Quote

1 out of 2 members found this post helpful. Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No
Old Aug 11th, 2009, 12:22 PM   #27
Unregistered
Guest
 

Unregistered's Avatar
 
Posts: n/a

Default re: have to give up custody of adopted child, relinquish our parental rights

Your post has the ring of the uninitiated. Apparemtly you have never been introduced to the trauma and shock of finding out just how much damage a child can do or you lack the ability to feel the effect of trauma and shock from such a child.

Either way you are in no postion render a verdict on this.
  Reply With Quote

2 out of 2 members found this post helpful. Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No
Old Aug 11th, 2009, 12:24 PM   #28
Unregistered
Guest
 

Unregistered's Avatar
 
Posts: n/a

Default re: have to give up custody of adopted child, relinquish our parental rights

Your post has the ring of the uninitiated. Apparently you have never been introduced to the trauma and shock of finding out just how much damage a child can do or you lack the ability to feel the effect of trauma and shock from such a child.

Either way you are in no postion render a verdict on this.
  Reply With Quote

1 out of 1 members found this post helpful. Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No
Old Aug 12th, 2009, 10:50 AM   #29
Unregistered
Guest
 

Unregistered's Avatar
 
Posts: n/a

Default re: have to give up custody of adopted child, relinquish our parental rights

Children to not "do damage" without first the help of an adult to cause them to BE damaged.

You have no idea what anyone's position is to tell them they are in "no position to render a verdict". Where you gleaned that information is anyone's guess. Apparently you're some sort of clairvoyant? If so, don't quit your day job.

To blame a child for being psychologically damaged is just an outrage. Children are not born bad. Adults abuse them. That's what makes children damaged. To not have empathy for these poor children who did not ask to be born to moronic parents who abuse them so badly they're scarred for life and end up being bounced around from foster home to foster home and to be adopted, only to have the adoptive parent decide the child is too damaged to deal with is cold hearted, and to BLAME these children for "causing trauma" to adults is the epitome of self absorbed.

Stop acting like a baby and blaming the child and start acting like an adult and place the accountability for the child's behavior squarely where it belongs.

Children who are psychologically destroyed do not need more abandonment heaped upon them. They need ADULTS who are strong enough to love and support them and nurture them back into a sense of security in the world. Throwing them away like yesterday's trash indicates the adult wasn't mature enough to take on parenthood in the first place.

I do hope you are not a parent. You'd probably sell your children to the zoo if they spilled their milk on the floor.
  Reply With Quote

0 out of 1 members found this post helpful. Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No
Old Aug 21st, 2009, 02:25 PM   #30
Unregistered
Guest
 

Unregistered's Avatar
 
Posts: n/a

Thumbs Down re: have to give up custody of adopted child, relinquish our parental rights

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I think the reason people were getting upset and "judging" these adoptive parents for abandoning their children is, with so many unwanted children in the world who go home with their biological parents, for better or worse, and be treated badly is one thing. It's difficult to do anything about that.

When people actually seek to adopt, they are making a concerted choice to be parents. They have obviously weighed all factors in that decision, including financial. When an adoptive parent doesn't like it when they get a "little trouble maker", instead of a perfect little angel, it evokes outrage in the people who have to deal with their own "little troublemakers" because they are biologically related.

It's a shame adoptive parents don't want damaged children, but there are, sadly, too many to count out there who desperately needs homes and people to love them. The child in the original post was clearly abused on a very seriously level and is clearly exhibiting signs of that. To give up on the child and take her back as if returning a bad dog to the pound is just an outrage. Those who choose to do so become upset with us "judgers" because the truth hurts.

This kind of abandonment only teaches the other children involved that it is okay to throw a person away when they don't behave perfectly. Yes, there are mental illnesses, and for that reason there are many homeless people in this world. They don't need abandonment. They need help and support. Mental illness is one of the most shunned illnesses in the world today. Has shunning them helped them? Has it helped society as a whole?

If I went to the extreme of going out and adopting a child, I would damn well find a way to pay for that child's care. I certainly would not relinquish my legal rights and put the child back into the hands of the welfare system, who relies on us tax payers to support children such as these. Adopting a child is a serious undertaking. It's not one that is taken lightly and I hope the systems does not allow adoptive parents to simply give the child back when the child acts up. Let's imagine if all the biological parents did that. Our welfare system would be swamped and our taxes would skyrocket.

Life doesn't dole out fair rules. What if this were your biological child? Would you still put it back on us taxpayer's hands to support because you were too weak in character to stick to your decision to adopt a child?

Let this be a lesson that not all adoptive children are precious little angels full of hope, promise and wonder. These people guilty of giving their adoptive children are saying shame on us who judge them for their despicable decision. I say shame on you for abandoning YOUR child.
With or with out returning an adopted child taxes will always be high/through the roof. So this makes no sense at all. No caring, loving or understanding person would consider doing something like this unless it was a matter of safety for all involved. True enough, there's help out there, true enough many have/had the money to help the children they adopted but exhausted all of it helping them. They have lost jobs, businesses, family, friends, homes and so much more for the time and money they've spent. which leaves them where? In the welfare system anyway. So yeah! I'm there. Been there, done that and still have 2 children I adopted at birth that don't want to B here because of severe behavior problems. Ever heard of (1 thing u can rely on, death & taxes)
  Reply With Quote

1 out of 1 members found this post helpful. Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No
Reply

Bookmark & Share

Tags
None

This thread has 164 replies and has been viewed 44368 times

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

Format Your Messages
Add Forum to Google Toolbar
Forum Jump

Similar Threads

Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Relinquish Parental Rights -- ADHD, Mental Illness Laura*lee Adoption Issues 8 Oct 14th, 2013 11:50 PM
Relinquish any opportunity of child custody rights. Unregistered Child Custody & Support 4 Nov 28th, 2011 12:29 AM
Can I give up all parental rights and still have to pay child support? Guest707 Child Custody & Support 19 Nov 27th, 2011 03:33 AM
child support when the father give up his parental rights Unregistered Child Custody & Support 5 Jan 21st, 2011 12:10 PM
Can I relinquish my parental rights? Unregistered Child Custody & Support 2 Feb 4th, 2007 12:53 PM


Our lawyers can help you avoid foreclosure to salvage your home, buy time to pay mortgage debts, and resolve your financial troubles. Consult Your Own Personal Lawyer Now!


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:55 PM.