Husband moved out. Can I change locks?

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Old Jul 19th, 2011, 12:44 PM   #1
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Default Husband moved out. Can I change locks?

My husband moved out on Friday. He said he would come this week when I wasn't here to get the rest of his stuff. I told him that he was moving out, and he couldn't just come and go as he pleases, that I deserve to know when he is coming & what he intends to take. He told me that the house is in his name & until he moves it to mine (he told me I could have the house), he could come whenever he wants. I have called to try and keep the lines of communication open and see what his intention are, and he doesn't return my calls or messages. I have to work 2~12 hour days starting tomorrow, and I'm afraid as to what I'll find when I come home. I am not trying to keep him from getting his stuff, but I don't want him taking certain things w/o us discussing it 1st. Alot of our stuff, we acquired while married, but some stuff was mine to start or was given to us by family members on each side (when we moved in together, he had some clothes and a couple of boxes, not even a tv). This was very sudden, and I suspect an affair, but he won't fess up. Just states he's not happy anymore and it's like we're room mates. We agreed he would pay the mortgage, and I would pay the boat payment (which I don't use) & his car insurance for now because the 2 = the mortgage. We don't have any kids, but 3 dogs. We have been living together for a little over 6 years & married for a little over 4.

Also, I think I can make the bills w/o him, but it will be tight. Would I be eligible for any spousal support?

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thank you!
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Old Jul 19th, 2011, 01:41 PM   #2
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Default Re: Husband moved out. Can I change locks?

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My husband moved out on Friday. He said he would come this week when I wasn't here to get the rest of his stuff. I told him that he was moving out, and he couldn't just come and go as he pleases, that I deserve to know when he is coming & what he intends to take. He told me that the house is in his name & until he moves it to mine (he told me I could have the house), he could come whenever he wants. I have called to try and keep the lines of communication open and see what his intention are, and he doesn't return my calls or messages. I have to work 2~12 hour days starting tomorrow, and I'm afraid as to what I'll find when I come home. I am not trying to keep him from getting his stuff, but I don't want him taking certain things w/o us discussing it 1st. Alot of our stuff, we acquired while married, but some stuff was mine to start or was given to us by family members on each side (when we moved in together, he had some clothes and a couple of boxes, not even a tv). This was very sudden, and I suspect an affair, but he won't fess up. Just states he's not happy anymore and it's like we're room mates. We agreed he would pay the mortgage, and I would pay the boat payment (which I don't use) & his car insurance for now because the 2 = the mortgage. We don't have any kids, but 3 dogs. We have been living together for a little over 6 years & married for a little over 4.

Also, I think I can make the bills w/o him, but it will be tight. Would I be eligible for any spousal support?

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thank you!
Yes, you can change the locks. After boxing up his things and putting them where he can get them like in an unlocked garage. With his verbal promise about granting you half interest or the house, which I would not bank on until I had a duly signed and notarized deed in my name, by the way, this approach just might tick him off. You will have to weigh the pros and cons and alternatives like putting your things you value that might disappear into storage in the interim.

Spousal support is based on the length of the marriage or relationship in some states that recognize the palimony theory. The marriage is of short duration so it is not likely.

Since there is property to divide, an attorney is needed and I recommend you get one right away to petition for divorce and division of the property. His suggestion that he keep paying the mortgage, you make payments on the boat (you never use) and HIS auto insurance?????, suggests to me he wants to keep it clear that he owns the house and not you. My advice is not to do it.

With the "just roommates" remark, his already having a place to move to, your suspicions are probably well founded.

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Last edited by Friend In Court; Jul 19th, 2011 at 01:44 PM. Reason: add point
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Old Jul 19th, 2011, 01:52 PM   #3
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Default Re: Husband moved out. Can I change locks?

Do NOT change locks or deny him access to your home (both of you). You can find yourself in quite a legal pickle if you do that.
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Old Jul 19th, 2011, 02:49 PM   #4
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Default Re: Husband moved out. Can I change locks?

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Yes, you can change the locks. After boxing up his things and putting them where he can get them like in an unlocked garage. With his verbal promise about granting you half interest or the house, which I would not bank on until I had a duly signed and notarized deed in my name, by the way, this approach just might tick him off. You will have to weigh the pros and cons and alternatives like putting your things you value that might disappear into storage in the interim.

Spousal support is based on the length of the marriage or relationship in some states that recognize the palimony theory. The marriage is of short duration so it is not likely.

Since there is property to divide, an attorney is needed and I recommend you get one right away to petition for divorce and division of the property. His suggestion that he keep paying the mortgage, you make payments on the boat (you never use) and HIS auto insurance?????, suggests to me he wants to keep it clear that he owns the house and not you. My advice is not to do it.

With the "just roommates" remark, his already having a place to move to, your suspicions are probably well founded.

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Actually those payment arrangements were my suggestion because the boat & his motorcyle are in my name (long story), & that way I can be sure that what is in my name is being paid. I'm just worried if he doesn't pay the mortgage! + we just went through a loan mod last year, and I think he has to live here (i could be wrong). I told him to get his own insurance soon to protect both of us (if one of use has an accicent, the other could be held liable type thing). He found the place he is living on Friday. I actually found it for him, called and got info and he SAYS he went there and took it. Who knows, he could be staying elsewhere.

So, If i decide to change the locks & he breaks in, I couldn't do anything, it wouldn't be breaking & entering because he is on the mortgage & gets mail here type thing?? I know it might tick him off. I should probably protect my stuff like you said, because I don't want him to break in and have something else to fix.

Thank you for the advice ;o)

Last edited by 2catballou20; Jul 19th, 2011 at 02:50 PM. Reason: spelling
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Old Jul 20th, 2011, 05:32 PM   #5
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Default Re: Husband moved out. Can I change locks?

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Originally Posted by 2catballou20 View Post
My husband moved out on Friday. He said he would come this week when I wasn't here to get the rest of his stuff. I told him that he was moving out, and he couldn't just come and go as he pleases, that I deserve to know when he is coming & what he intends to take. He told me that the house is in his name & until he moves it to mine (he told me I could have the house), he could come whenever he wants. I have called to try and keep the lines of communication open and see what his intention are, and he doesn't return my calls or messages. I have to work 2~12 hour days starting tomorrow, and I'm afraid as to what I'll find when I come home. I am not trying to keep him from getting his stuff, but I don't want him taking certain things w/o us discussing it 1st. Alot of our stuff, we acquired while married, but some stuff was mine to start or was given to us by family members on each side (when we moved in together, he had some clothes and a couple of boxes, not even a tv). This was very sudden, and I suspect an affair, but he won't fess up. Just states he's not happy anymore and it's like we're room mates. We agreed he would pay the mortgage, and I would pay the boat payment (which I don't use) & his car insurance for now because the 2 = the mortgage. We don't have any kids, but 3 dogs. We have been living together for a little over 6 years & married for a little over 4.

Also, I think I can make the bills w/o him, but it will be tight. Would I be eligible for any spousal support?

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thank you!
Why don't you just take over the mortgage?
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Old Jul 21st, 2011, 06:50 AM   #6
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Default Re: Husband moved out. Can I change locks?

The mortgage is not in my name...He got approve for the loan before we got married, so we just did it in his name....I pretty much am taking over the mortgage, we swapped out bills for the same amount. That way I can be sure what is in my name is being paid and vice versa. He is very irresponsible w/ $$$ and I will probably be sorry about this arrangement, but I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt. The problem is he thinks he can come & get his stuff at his leisure w/o communications as to what exactly he is taking & when. Anything to do w/ us or the house or our situation & where we are headed he ignores....
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Old Jul 26th, 2011, 11:26 AM   #7
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Default Re: Husband moved out. Can I change locks?

hi,
its really very unusual situation if your husband is not trust able then i advice you to change the lock.
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Old Feb 13th, 2014, 07:59 AM   #8
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No!!! Do not change the locks until everything is worked out LEGALLY. Think smart not cunning. Keep the peace and stay safe. Move your personal things to a friend/family's house or storage. If he is giving you the home/you are taking over the mortgagw, you need get a mortgage in your name and buy the the house from him for the balance of the mortgage. There are many programs for new buyers and divorce property buyout options. So you need the DEED and MORTGAGE in your name for financial legall protection. If you do not have a lawyer, try Legal Aid. Remember...think and act with your brains, not your heart. You are protecting You!!!
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Old Feb 13th, 2014, 08:11 AM   #9
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No!!! Do not change the locks until everything is worked out LEGALLY. Think smart not cunning. Keep the peace and stay safe. Move your personal things to a friend/family's house or storage. If he is giving you the home/you are taking over the mortgagw, you need get a mortgage in your name and buy the the house from him for the balance of the mortgage. There are many programs for new buyers and divorce property buyout options. So you need the DEED and MORTGAGE in your name for financial legall protection. If you do not have a lawyer, try Legal Aid. Remember...think and act with your brains, not your heart. You are protecting You!!!
Don't let the little things make you go crazy. Think about your goal for this situation. You want to move forward peacefully. For right now, ASK him if he mind you neatly packing his stuff and getting things for pick up. Take pictures of everything and make a list of how things are going to be divided. Think fare, not coo-coo. Give him a copy. Discuss and review thru email/text/letter. Keep it professional. This is now a separation of the marital goods, a business transaction. Label his items after the two of you have agreed of the split. Stay professional. Remember, the house is in his name and you want everything in your name so that you are legally protected. So you may have to give a little wear your fake pleasant face to get through. You will be ok. Remember knowledge is power, so start reading up on the process. Be prepared. Good Luck
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Old Feb 13th, 2014, 10:56 AM   #10
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Default Re: Husband moved out. Can I change locks?

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Actually those payment arrangements were my suggestion because the boat & his motorcyle are in my name (long story), & that way I can be sure that what is in my name is being paid. I'm just worried if he doesn't pay the mortgage! + we just went through a loan mod last year, and I think he has to live here (i could be wrong). I told him to get his own insurance soon to protect both of us (if one of use has an accicent, the other could be held liable type thing). He found the place he is living on Friday. I actually found it for him, called and got info and he SAYS he went there and took it. Who knows, he could be staying elsewhere.

So, If i decide to change the locks & he breaks in, I couldn't do anything, it wouldn't be breaking & entering because he is on the mortgage & gets mail here type thing?? I know it might tick him off. I should probably protect my stuff like you said, because I don't want him to break in and have something else to fix.

Thank you for the advice ;o)
The easiest way to solve the problem is to file for divorce. That effects a legal separation just by filing and then you can change locks and bar him entry.

You can keep up on the mortgage without relying upon him, too. During the pendency of a divorce, and until it is final, the assets remain as marital property. An order can be obtained during the pendency of the divorce for him to pay his share.

You have too much at stake to remain in a limbo status as to occupancy of the house, the property between the two of you with different claims on it, and division of the real estate and liabilities, such as the mortgage.

There are times when self help works. But in this instance you need to file for divorce or legal separation to protect yourself and your assets.
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