military divorce

[annecsmith]

Married in California. Residing in NJ.

My husband is in the military and we are married for almost 3 years now. I am filing for a divorce. He is always not around and if he is at home we argue alot on almost all things. He is on duty overseas right now and I cannot send him divorce papers yet according to this Military Divorce (Military Divorce) information I got.

"America's federal politicians don't want their armed services personnel distracted when fighting to defend their country. That's why there is federal legislation which, amongst other things, makes it difficult if not impossible to serve certain legal documents on a member of the military. In fact a serving member on duty overseas is not required to accept divorce papers and can continue to refuse for up to sixty days upon returning to the United States."

How many times can he be able to refuse on accepting the divorce papers?

What benefits will I get? Will the number of years affect the benefits I will get? We have no children.

You state that he is never around, well you should have known that that would happen marrying a man in the military. and you argue because he is never around seems like you should have thought about this before you got married to a military man

[tbyte]

Originally Posted by annecsmith What benefits will I get?

Hopefully none. You have done absolutely nothing to deserve any.

Originally Posted by annecsmith Will the number of years affect the benefits I will get?

What? Are you thinking you may need to string him along a bit more to pad your nest egg?

Originally Posted by annecsmith We have no children.

Well, thank God for that.

Don't send him divorce papers. Just send him a personal letter explaining how you are not worthy of him, and that you are willing to agree to a divorce without support or alimony.

I'm going to assume you are VERY young and haven't thought this through very well.

Why did you marry him? He was already in the military or joined very shortly after you got married, so you knew before you made the decision to spend your life with him.

I realize the separation is difficult and deployments put a lot of stress on a marriage. I am also a military spouse and we have survived several deployments. Every time I get really frustrated, I sit down and think back to what we were like when we got married. What did I love about him? What made him so special to me? Why did I think it would last forever? How can I help us get back there? (Notice the "I" in those questions.)

I do this because any time we are at a difficult point, I have to look at my responsibility for getting us there. If all you do is fight when he's home, stop fighting. If you don't fight, then he won't have anyone to fight with. Then you might actually have a conversation that makes it easier to get back to where you started when you got married.

You don't seem to be considering what is your fault or your responsibility in this marriage. Live up to your promise to love and honor through better or worse. This is the worse part. Hold up your end of the bargain and he might do a better job of living up to his when he's home.

It's not his choice to leave. It's his duty to fulfill the commitment he made when he joined the military. That's what the job is and the only way to change that is for him to leave the military. If he's like my husband, he feels a very strong responsibility to be there when his country calls, because our country needs a strong, capable military when we are threatened or attacked. That's the duty and honor part. It applies to you as well.

Stop blaming your husband. Stop looking for a hand out after only 3 years, when you promised a lifetime. Three years is barely trying to make a marriage work. Go to counseling - alone and together. Grow up and realize that life is difficult and this is the difficult part. Try again before you file anything.

And, shame on you for being interested in how much you can get when you've hardly made an effort at a lifetime.

21-year military wife

It takes 3 to make marriage work. You, Your husband, and God. Get your act together and think about why you got married in the first place. A soldier sacrifices and risks everything for our country. He deserves better than you are offering. Maybe he won't accept divorce papers because he really does love you. Try talking to him about your concerns. Communication can do wonders for a marriage. Ask him to change his MOS if your not happy with what he is doing for the service, and explain why you want him in a different field. After 1 year of marriage my husband and I used to talk over each other and yell. We let the Lord into our marriage, got counseling and learned to listen to each other and compromise. Our disagreements have been few and far between for the past year. Your husband should be your best friend. I've been married 3 1/2 years and looking forward to my lifetime with my husband. Try renting the movie "Fireproof" next time he's at home on leave. Watch it with just the two of you and no distractions. Cuddle up on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and learn to love each other.