Husband tryignto get custody

[forumlaw]

My husband has been seaparated with me for 7 mos. He has been cominghere for the visits to see his 4 year old son. Just recently he has asked the lawyer to send me a letter stating that he wanted custody rights, meaningevery weekend that he is off he wants our son. I have a huge problem with this.

1.I have been a stay at home mother and my son has been around me 24/7. At this age he does not understand the fact that mommy won't be their to do the nightly rituals, bathing strory time etc. Also, since my husband has left more than once, my son has become extremely attached to me and has had difficulty with nightime ( has been sleeping with me because he has fear that mommy is going to leave as well. I want my child to feel safe., Therefore i have allowed this to try to intill security in him put forth by his father's actions. Not only that but he would be devasted once again, if these visits are overnight.I do not know what my husbands life is like at this point and I feel that my son is at an age that he cannot distinguish right from wrong behaviour conducted by his father. I have a feeling that his OW that he is having an affair with has moved into the apt. down the hall where he resides. How do I know that he will not trip off to her place while my son is in bed. He does not want anyone to know about his affair, and still thinks I know nothing. Anyway, my primary concern is my son. He has been affected with this split and i am tryngmy best to fullfil all his emotional needs, again, that his father has inflicted in this marital breakup.

2. My son is allergic to cats/dogs. He is living in a pat. building that allows them in fact their are 5 on his floor. Although he does not have them, my son still needs to into and out of this building, using elevators etc. Can i use this to get him to get himself into another building that does not allow animals. This is something he should have thought of before, and why should I as the responsible parent put my son's health and safety on the line. I will not allow him in their. I do have a doctor's letter stating this. My husband does not care. And I know that i will have to bring it in front of a judge, but i will do what i have to do. IF the judge allows this child into the complex AND if my son has a reaction can I sue th ecourts or the judge for allowing the welfare of the child to be jeopardized??

Thanks so much.

[tbyte]

The father has the same rights to parent the child as you do.

Get used to it.

Attention: Tbyte:

I took your reply to my question quite harsh. How do you figure that an ASS...of a father to his SON has equal rights as a mother who is nurturing and protective of her child over bad influences in life. I do not understand how the justice system can categorize safety and wellbeingof child over a **** of a father who packs up and leaves to satify his own needs and did not care about his son., while mother is staying home looking after all needs???
And then you have to tell me to "get used to it" you did not even answer my question, I know about this system of equal rights which I think is not right because the individual who breaks marriage vows will likely be a bad canidate and mentor for his child.. please answer the question that is asked and stop sticking it to people, I have read someof your posts and i am not impressed.

[tbyte]

Unless you can prove that the child is in danger in the father's company, the father has the same rights to the child as you do.

Get used to it.

As far as suing the courts for being incompetent, it would be amusing to watch you try. Let us know how that turns out. Actually, I'd even be rooting for you.

ea3mnkSo, you do not think the judge will even look at th efact of a health situation tht could jeopardize teh child, and the fact that the father was not thinking for his son at the time of choosing a place.

He needs to get out of their before I send him with him. I take all necessary precautions to avoid potential hazards tomy child and he will have to as well.
I have a doctors letter to back me up and it will not be an issue for him tomove out of their so that my child is safe, and me as the mother feels content.

[tbyte]

I'm just saying that the burden of proof will be on you to show that the environment is unhealthy, and even then courts may not hold this against the father if his options were limited.

THe proof is that just on his floor their consists of 5 dogs. And yes, their were many options for him to choose from when you look for buildings most of them state "NO" pets. So yes, he had a choice, fact of the matter he once again did not consider his child.
Just to let you know I have brought this to his attention and his reply was my lawyer set a precendent. I do not care what his lawyer has set, my son is in jeopardy, I as a mother try to avoid potential hazard, his lawyer will not care he just wants the case done with. Well, he is my son whom I carried for 9 mos, and nurtured and kept him together during this very difficult time of daddy's departure , I will continue to fight for him. If this passes, I will go to th ehigher extreme and maybe more, if anybody is going to set the precedent it will have to be me, and if I make it to the news I'm sure a lot of other parents would be agreeing with me. It's the child 's welfare, and a Doctor's note will speak wonders, i work for one and they usually have to follow doctor's orders! Thanks for your words and telling it like it is but I'm prepared.

By th eway i didi receive th eletter from his lawyer and it states all the visit he wants everything but the kitchen sink. I'm am contesting it and only giving him what needs to be given such as every other weekend and one day a week . The one question I do have is he is only 4 years old and I do not want to rush anything to stipulate emotional burden onto my son, so would it be possible to request visits to be for the day and then returned home for bedtime. Until he is of age to understand what is going on. He is unfamiliar with dad's place and to just throw him into surrounding s and spend the night would be too much for him. Could I request this to be a weining process ??

[tbyte]

Court is based upon an adversarial system, which means there is a lot of bargaining and negotiating that occurs. Attorneys will typically request much more than they expect to get, in order to increase their bargaining position and intimidate the opposing side.
Your attorney, should retain one, may follow similar tactics. It is all a game that they play.
I am concerned, though, that there is a lot of (perhaps justifiable) bitterness within you right now, which may be clouding your judgement. Rest assured that the court may clue into this bitterness and worry that you will interfere with the father's parental rights, and thus give him even greater rights than they would have anyway.
What I'm saying is, your anger could very well backfire on you.
So, in my first post, when I stated that the father has the same rights to the child as you do and you need to get used to it, that truly is advice you need to follow.

I understand what you are saying . However their is no custody order at this time , by ex was here on friday I have given him all therequests he wanted in regards to visitation. Anytim he contacted me I would arrange a time every visisit he has had with my son in my home was starting from early morning til bedtime. I think i have been quite accomodating.
Now, however since his visit on Friday WE had an issue regarding his lack of communication as to where to bring the little guy for a day out. After driving around in separate cars (i had my son) and saw that one of the places was closed he failed to call me on a cell phone to communicate where we go from here. I had my son asking in the backseat, lone and behold he showed upat my front door my son upset, I told my ex that why could he have not contacted me via phone to let me know where he was and what to do next.I said he was nothing but an ass.... and th ereason why his marriage failed was because of his lackof communication. He hopped in his car andleft. Did not expain to his son anything , left him hanging again. This is no good for a 4 yr old. If him andI have an issue he is to separate that issue from his son. This was supposed to be his visit. And he looked for an excuse to leave. My husband is a mind player, keep in mind.Very manipulative.
Now yesterday he emailed me that he is available anytime this week. I did not reply.
He emailed me again stating that he was available Tues and Friday of this weeek, i still will not reply, i do not feel i have to. Their is no custody rights, i have to protect my son from his coming and going.He looks for an argument to leave, my son is my best interest not him.
I am seeingmy lawyer on Friday, to respond to the letter about custody, i am contesting a few things, he is using the fact that he has lots of time off work and he would like to see his son. ANd using the fact that i am not working. Well i could go and get a job tomorrow and then those days he has requested are used by him, and me?? So their are issues i need to sort out with the lawyer.
I do not want to see him here anymore, could i wait until their is a custody order granted? Make him wait, since this last episode?? I do not want to sound harsh but i do not want my son seeing us this way, more thatn likely their will be words between us because he supervise the visit, so why should i have him visit when he waits for an argument to leave. And my son sees this nonsense.
Thanks. I have all the emails of the last visits for 7 mos. I allowed him plenty of access considering their was no order too.