What can I do?

[yankeesky]

I have been divorced for three years now, and in that time of turmoil I had to make some decisions that were kind of forced on me in order for the divorce to become final, or risk the chance of the divorce going into trial. Three years ago, things were just a bit different. The economy was not as bad as it is now, real estate was still booming, and my family situtation was not where it is now. However, now I am faced with the realization that I need to sell my house in order to make things work, mostly due to the fact that I get a very low alimony as well as child support because my ex was able to lie about what he was making. In the meantime, my family who all live in New Jersey and I in Connecticut have gone through a very bad time which resulted in the passing of my sister's husband, as well as the decline in my mother's health rapidly. I have two children in college and a 10 year old and would like very much to move to New Jersey for many reasons, one big one is for myself and my children to be around family members and for financial reasons. In my divorce decree, it states that I cannot move within 15 miles of my ex without his permission. Now, if I had known that anything like this would happen, I would have never agreed to it, but foresight was not there. My ex has made it perfectly clear to me that he will not allow me to move out of state with my 10 year old. He obviously has no compassion. I cannot afford to hire a lawyer to go back to court. Is there any other way I can get around this? On a good note, my children would love to move to New Jersey to be around family, and my son will be attending college in New Jersey in the fall. Hopefully someone will have a reasonable answer for me. Thank you.

[judg4]

Most courts will give an order allowing you to move if it is for family or job related reasons...you can go back to the court without a lawyer if need be.

[tbyte]

Originally Posted by yankeesky

My ex has made it perfectly clear to me that he will not allow me to move out of state with my 10 year old. He obviously has no compassion.

Or he obviously does not want you to take his children away from him. If he wanted to move the children away from you, would you be "compassionate" enough to allow it?
I would hope that a court would NOT grant you permission to separate your children from their father merely so you can be closer to your own family. Like it or not, the two of you are BOTH tied to your current geographic area, for the stability of the children, unless you both decide to allow relocation.

It is very OBVIOUS that Veteran Member sees this as a very PERSONAL issue-maybe from experience. First of all, out of state for me is only a simple 1 hr. 10 minute drive from where we live now. Secondly, being tied to a geographic area is only good if the economy allows. In my case, it does not - I simply cannot afford to live in this area on what the COURT has allowed for child support, and also finding a job in this area has become difficult.

[tbyte]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

It is very OBVIOUS that Veteran Member sees this as a very PERSONAL issue-maybe from experience.

LOL. You are not the first person to jump to that conclusion just because they did not like what I said, and I doubt you will be the last to be completely wrong.

TBYTE- you are a peice of work. I have read many posts where you jsut bash woman in general for decisions that they have to make. I guess the best thing to do is not make the ex angry or upset and not take care of your family and maybe even make life better for your children. Especially in the case where the ex did give his child his epileptic meds. And the wife did everything the court ordered. You have got to be kidding me. My boyfriends ex was a prostitute, cheated on him for 11 yrs of the 19 yr marriage, lied and cheated and back stabbed for most of the marriage. And she now wants the house , the kid, she doesnt want to work or pay any bills want alimony and for him to pay her cobra ins. HE doesnt want to. Tell me smart guy how would you handle that. And she has brainwashed her son so bad to the point where he lies and keeps secrets from his father. She should not have that child in her care. She is a mental child abuser. But I guess you would say he should stay with the mother and my boyfriend should have to pay alimony and her cobra. I cant wait to see your answer on this.

[tbyte]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

TBYTE- you are a peice of work.

I've been dieting recently. Thanks for noticing.

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I have read many posts where you jsut bash woman in general for decisions that they have to make.

Post a link, please.

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I guess the best thing to do is not make the ex angry or upset and not take care of your family and maybe even make life better for your children.

That's not what I would recommend, but hey, you have to make your own decisions in your life.

Originally Posted by Unregistered

My boyfriends ex was a prostitute, cheated on him for 11 yrs of the 19 yr marriage, lied and cheated and back stabbed for most of the marriage. And she now wants the house , the kid, she doesnt want to work or pay any bills want alimony and for him to pay her cobra ins.

Are you seeking advice, or just "bashing women in general"?

Originally Posted by Unregistered

HE doesnt want to. Tell me smart guy how would you handle that. And she has brainwashed her son so bad to the point where he lies and keeps secrets from his father. She should not have that child in her care. She is a mental child abuser. But I guess you would say he should stay with the mother and my boyfriend should have to pay alimony and her cobra.

No, I would recommend that he fight for what is best for his children. After dumping you though. I think that should definitely be at the top of his to-do list. You are one angry, confused woman.

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I cant wait to see your answer on this.

Voila!

I hope to god you are single with no children. You are not a peice of work that is good. Your a male pig. You give terrible advice that you shouldnt be giving. You assume the worst in everyone that writes here. And the one thing you were right about was that my friend does what is best for his child. Too bad the mother is such a control freak and she had made it so the child lies and keeps secrets from his father. Dumping me is not the answer. I am angry becasue all the scum in the world get away with so much and the good fathers who do what is right and try to make their childs life ok through a divorce get screwed. And the scum keep getting what they dont deserve.

[tbyte]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I hope to god you are single with no children. You are not a peice of work that is good. Your a male pig. You give terrible advice that you shouldnt be giving.

And yet I had three people thank me for my assistance and advice in the last 24 hours.

Originally Posted by Unregistered

You assume the worst in everyone that writes here. And the one thing you were right about was that my friend does what is best for his child. Too bad the mother is such a control freak and she had made it so the child lies and keeps secrets from his father. Dumping me is not the answer. I am angry becasue all the scum in the world get away with so much and the good fathers who do what is right and try to make their childs life ok through a divorce get screwed. And the scum keep getting what they dont deserve.

What you fail to understand is that anger is going to get you nowhere in family court system. To succeed you need information, preparation, and determination.

Your attitude is NOT helping your boyfriend, or his child. If he wants some advice on how to successfully assert his parental rights and take an active part in raising his child, then tell him to post on this forum. If he is not willing to take that initiative, then neither you nor I can help him.

[angel1964]

I know getting angry in court doesnt help, but tell me this? Whay is it that a woman who was a prostitute, cheated on her husband for 11 yrs stole, lied and cheated gets everything she wants and he gets screwed?I dont get it. The judiscial suytem sucks in the state of CT.