father not visiting

Hello. I have just went through a very long seperation and divorce and to be honest it's went the way it has because I AM AFRAID of him for one. He abused me when I was pregnant with the twins even. We had a marriage counselor who said she would write something to the courts but by the time it was really needed she had moved away. Therefore I felt I did not have the right amount of proof to bring that up in the divorce and even though I had written about it in my packets it wasn't asked about anyway. On july 10th they had us to come up with a parenting plan he said he wanted them every weekend and after attending the parenting class and the things they said about your spouse and your relationship being different than them and the children etc.. I agreed because of that and because .. again I am afraid of him..... though I know at this point something needs to be done I am not sure what route to take, the parenting plan states that he has them every weekend and he's NEVER picked them up. I have even made sure to ask when he will for about 6 months now, though we have been seperated since aug 2005. I want to do something but I don't know what to do. Contempt sounds dangerous as the only witnesses I have are related, my mother who lives with me and is trying to get on disability at the moment. We had originally agreed he'd pay 400. And that is what he did do before the court order and parenting plan issues. Now it's 219 for both of them with him taking NO care at all of them. Thing is I don't want to force him to see them .. for obvious reasons. My twins are spoiled about their comforts of home and he's violent temperamental etc. The place we got counseling had said they would send a letter in my behave for the counselor who moved but.. it never came. =( So.. questions, what should I do? I'm afraid if I do nothing he will cause some problems years from now and the courts think he's been seeing them and he has not ever taken the time to pick them up.. I thought about trying to talk to the people at the counseling place again, if I could get them to give me the paper.. would that be grounds for what type of filing?
Lost and Confused =(

[pooh_200619]

First Of all I hope that you are keeping track of his visitation times on paper like a notebook or something in that lines so that when he comes you mark it in there that he showed on this date and time and what happened on that day he came to get the kids, When he called and what time it was and what date it was and what was talked about, Then as you keep track of all this you also call your local Police Department and you talk with the Head Officer there and Show him what the order states and that you want to keep a record of when he shows and when he doesn't they won't make a report about it but they will write it down that there was a call stating that there was a no-show on a visitation time and don't you ever deny him visitation even thou you are scared for those children you let him take him, If you have proof where he resides or where he goes with those children is on safe and you are worried about them then you call the local CPS agency and you make a report that you are a scared parent that has no choice to allow the children to go with this ex-husband of your but you are scared and you want to make sure that they are in a safe home they will investigate that for you.. Once you have about 2 months of non-parenting time with him and the children and you can show that by means of your notebook and the dates and times that he hasn't been there and that there is also been calls to the police station reporting that he came or didn't come you have him and let me tell you it works I went thru it several months ago and don't call your worker to inform her that you are filling for prenting time change cause she will contact the ex-husband and inform him that he needs to stick to his plan or he will loose visitation when you go to file for change of visitation and parenting time and full-sole physical custody write him a letter about 30 days before so he knows that you have filed the paper work and make sure he gets a copy of that order and when you do this you ask the local police for there assistence by showing up at his home with you to serve the paper and if he starts anything then they will be there or you can pay a server to deliver the paper to him and make sure you tell the local police that you are scared of your life. When you go back into court you tell the jusdge that he hasn't stuck to that order and show him the notebook and make sure you have copies for the judge so he can see that you have copies for him to prove that he didn't show and you make sure you have the log the officer has kept for you as well it's like 5.00 - 10.00 dollars for a copy but it's worth it plus when you go in tell the judge that you want to tell him that you are scared for your children and you and that you didn't want to bring it up in Divorce Court cause you didn't have the documents that you needed to prove that but you are just scared and that you are willing to do anything to prove that he scares you and your concerned for your children and I'm telling you with that he will say that isn't something that we can use cause there is no proof but the paperwork that you have that have kept track of in the past two months - 6 months is better will show to the judge that he hasn't kept to his parenting time and he will either change it or he will loose custody period and then you can take it from there. Now you do this there is a chance if he looses he will loose his parental rights and he will no longer have to pay child support unless you can prove that he is the father in court and that you believe that he needs to pay but then he would only loose visitation unless they do it thru the agency where he would have to see them with a worker in his home or in your home or at the agency. It is your choice but if you are that scared I would keep the children from him and go for parental termination on his behalf cause he refuses to have anything to do with them and this way they will be safe and you or you can do supervised visitation to keep him in the childrens life and pay child support but if I were you I would remove him from the picture for your sake and the childrens. If you need anything else you can contact me thru yahoo messenger at pooh_200619 or thru that name @ yahoo.com and I will get back with you but 6 months record is better than 2 months cause 6 months proves that he doesn't want to see them and that there is a better chance the judge will say that there is no reason for him not to see them and he will follow the order and that they will file a pettion for Parental Termination cause he hasn't been apart of there life for 6 months or more and that will justify with the judge the right to Terminate and in the mean time get that counselor number and have him/her get that paper to you and tell them that she/him said they would wirte one and if they can't get ahold of that person then tell them to ask some-one to over look the file and write a letter to help you or higher a attorney even if it's a Court Appointed Attorney tell him/her about it and she/him will get a letter or something going for you..Well I hope I helped you the best that I can..Good Luck..

Tyvm for the information the only thing is there is no notebook to have to do because he has never picked them up the times I referred to asking him about it was once that I called him and asked and each time he's came late to pay child support (after he knew babies were in bed already) I would ask but I don't expect to see him at all now that child support is supposed to start taking out of his check. The police part is good the only thing is that I don't have a phone at the moment. Neither me or my x do, he has a cell phone for work but no home phone he's been told though that even if it's not fridays at 6 but the next morning through that one day saturday would be fine too, he still has not.
Again thank you. I think I know what all I need to do now. Just crossing fingers that things go well.

[pooh_200619]

I understand that he hasn't shown or anything but the courts will ask you to kep records of him showing and not showing if he doesn't then you really need to mark it sown I understand that you have twins and it takes alot plus making sure everything is done around the house and everything else but please make sure you start that notebook I understand that you may think it's not neccessary but it truely is cause the judge will ask what proof you have and that notebook will prove it. Even if you have to have a officer sign that page and most will cause they believe in parents visiting there children and it's less work for them,, Please just trust me on this okay that is what my judge told me when I went to court.. they want proof of everything rather on paper or by some-one other than relatives.. I'm being honest and I will pray for you...

I understand... and am doing so now, spoke with the local police today they said that even for example the church bus comes to pick my oldes son up for church on sunday morning to have them note at least a month of it as well.. cross your fingers all goes well... can't wait until this is all settled for good.sigh.

let us know how it goes

I filed for modification I thought those things were supposed to be answered asap... but it's been a month now and no word, so I decided to call him and ask him what way he wants to handle the situation, me take him to court, go change the parenting plan to what it really is, or what, he suggested himself giving up parental rights....hopefully he does and this will save me lots of trouble.. question is, pooh, i get assistance from the state, will that change due to this? Could be re-hurting in that sense, though I thought i read exceptions i would think this would be one?

[redtyger8]

I would first ask, how old are your twins and how often does he see them?

Regardless if he is picking them up or you are dropping them off to him, it is viewed as the same. They only care about if he is seeing them or not.
It sounds like he does not see them very much at all, which is a choice that he is making, not you.
And if that is correct and he just doesnt make time to see them, if I were you this is what I would do.
The first thing that you need to start doing right away.
Is start a daily journal and write down everything that pertans to you and your twins and your ex husband and the twins, no matter how small it may seem at the time.

If he is not picking the twins up or coming around, you should do only one thing in regard to that.

Thank God that he is not comming around!

Do not open your self up to get your kids taken away from you.

If the court thinks that you do not want the twins to see him, they will give him custody of them.

In my partners case, the father who she was never married to, got caught sexually abusing this child at only 3 year old.
The court helped to covered it all up, they changed the dates on documents to fit there needs and only let this mother see her son twice a month for 48 hours, giving the childs abuser all custody.
So as long as your children are not being harmed and are safe , don't rock the boat. Just keep writing every little thing down, so if in the future anything should change, you will have a head start and be ithe one in control.
I wish you well and good luck.