Parental rights, rovoking

I am a mother of 2 boys, whom I have sole custody of due to the fact
that my ex husband is/was suicidal, an alcoholic, and would not stay on his
prescribed meds given to him for his depression. He is however allowed
supervised visits at MY discretion.
My parents, my youngest son's teachers, and I have noticed a bad
behavior he has following his visits with his father. He has been VERY
destructive and has even hit me, my parents, teachers and staff at his school. He has broken numerous things, and it does NOT seem to be getting any better.
I was wondering if this would be grounds to ask that their father give
up his rights for the sake of our youngest son. I would appreciate any
advice on this subject! Thank you SO much for your time!

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I am a mother of 2 boys, whom I have sole custody of due to the fact
that my ex husband is/was suicidal, an alcoholic, and would not stay on his
prescribed meds given to him for his depression. He is however allowed
supervised visits at MY discretion.
My parents, my youngest son's teachers, and I have noticed a bad
behavior he has following his visits with his father. He has been VERY
destructive and has even hit me, my parents, teachers and staff at his school. He has broken numerous things, and it does NOT seem to be getting any better.
I was wondering if this would be grounds to ask that their father give
up his rights for the sake of our youngest son. I would appreciate any
advice on this subject! Thank you SO much for your time!

You can ask your ex if he's willing to relinquish his rights. If he says no, you can try to have the court involuntarily terminate his rights. You'll have to prove that ex is doing something deliberately to cause your son's problems. That might be easier said than done though.

Has your son been fully evaluated by a mental health professional? Depression can be heriditary, so you'll need to rule out the possibilty that your son is also suffering from depression (which in children can produce the same behaviors you are describing).

[Lizz927]

I would have to say that getting your son professional help would most likely help a lot. Also, keep in mind that your kids are probably going through a tough time as well. When parents split up it's not easy on the kids. I def. don't think that removing your ex from the picture would make it better. Kids need both a Mother and a Father in their lives...see if you can't work things out via counseling. You would hate to be the reason that your sons behavior gets worse, by taking away his only father.
Good Luck!

I am going to talk to his school psycologist this afternoon. Then, depending on her opinion, I am going to consult his doctor and see what he says... Both my sons are special needs, and can not verbalize very well. I have been to a number of the visits, adn it has been noticed that their father tends to force himself on the boys in order for him to try to get their love and affection. He keeps chasing after them demanding hugs...
It has gotten to the point where for both the boys' safety and mine, I have gone to the courthouse and have recieved a court ordered protection order. But that does not revoke his rights to the supervised visits, as I have been told.
He has told me there is no way he will give up his rights. He is the ONLY one he will ever let them call Dad and they are HIS boys, no one elses. The problem is, I have met someone else, and am engaged to be married. The boys LOVE this new guy, he actually pays attention to them, and plays with them, and does NOT force their love. He has been more of a father figure than my ex has ever been.

I also thought I would mention that I suggested counseling but he refused. He said he refuses to tell his problems to some stranger who is "pretending to listen." Right now, my fiance is the boys' "father" and is doing an excellent job! The boys have always shown fear towards their biological father. We left when the youngest was 4 months and the oldest was about 13 months. I'm not sure what they remember...

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I also thought I would mention that I suggested counseling but he refused. He said he refuses to tell his problems to some stranger who is "pretending to listen." Right now, my fiance is the boys' "father" and is doing an excellent job! The boys have always shown fear towards their biological father. We left when the youngest was 4 months and the oldest was about 13 months. I'm not sure what they remember...

Whoa, whoa! You are making a HUGE mistake by allowing and obviously encouraging your son's problems with thier father.

It doesn't make any difference how you feel, or even how the boys feel about thier father. The legal fact is that they have a father and you CANNOT make that fact go away.

You really need to get into counseling yourself and speak with a local attorney about what your actions can cause later. There is a term for what you are doing- it's called deliberate parental alienation, and it has caused many many CP's to lose custody of thier kids.

I let him see his kids whenever he asks for it. It is not me who is trying to keep them from him, it is my Mother. She badmoths him whenever his name is brought up, but she HAS learned that if the boys are around, instead of opening her mmouth and letting nasty stuff spill out, she just needs to turn and walk away. I have NEVER turned down his requests for visits. He works a lot and is granted what ever time he requests with them at our regular meeting spot.

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I let him see his kids whenever he asks for it. It is not me who is trying to keep them from him, it is my Mother. She badmoths him whenever his name is brought up, but she HAS learned that if the boys are around, instead of opening her mmouth and letting nasty stuff spill out, she just needs to turn and walk away. I have NEVER turned down his requests for visits. He works a lot and is granted what ever time he requests with them at our regular meeting spot.

That is NOT what your previous post said. You said that your fiance is the boy's "father" and that he is doing an excellant job. Do not go into court and try to blame someone else, even if your mother is a problem, YOU are the boys' mother and it is your responsibilty to encourage a realtionship with thier real father.

I've seen many many mothers who go on and on about how they allow visits, but just allowing visits is NOT enough. It involves ALOT more, such as not even thinking that your fiance (or any other man) is the father!