Australian Family Law

I have been seperated 5 months moving out of the family home as my husband became erract in his behaviour (finding out later that he was having an affair with a 18 yr old girl he is 47 yrs old resulting in her moving in) there are 2 children under 13. Over the past 5 months my husband and his family have tried to bully myself and the children with sutle letters of threats and in particular focusing on the eldest child hinting that 'if he continues on his present path(not speaking to the father or visiting) that the opportunities that the family(these people are a very wealthy family who can hire the best)can provide will no longer be'. When he calls the children they are quite upset as he continues to display behaviour which can only be described as cruel. On a number of occassions he has dumped my and their belongings on our footpath and at our front door in plastic bags. Dpt of Children Safety have interviewed the children and recommended that I dont force them to visit just to encourage them (which I have done) I email him and suggest to him to call, my emails are meet with "this is just a paper trail for the Courts" or "the kids can call me anytime" Mediation was held not long after I moved out of the home and was unsuccessful (parenting orders and property settlement were not signed off in the family court) as the children refused to visit him so he stopped short of signing the documents.

My question is and when we do another mediation and he wants to have set access and we draw up a parenting order signed off by the Family Court, then the children refuse to visit him (and believe me the eldest will not go unless I use physical force) what will that mean for me?

My other sernario is if in mediation I refuse to agree on the grounds that the kids are having problems with him(producing my evidence and case with letters, emails and doctors reports)would that mean that it would then end up in the Family Court with a court appointed Lawyer for the children and then a judge would decide?

I hope someone can give me some advice as I have little money and feel that its a case of the the big and powerful family verses the single mum with little money or power

Judith

Originally Posted by Judith I have been seperated 5 months moving out of the family home as my husband became erract in his behaviour (finding out later that he was having an affair with a 18 yr old girl he is 47 yrs old resulting in her moving in) there are 2 children under 13. Over the past 5 months my husband and his family have tried to bully myself and the children with sutle letters of threats and in particular focusing on the eldest child hinting that 'if he continues on his present path(not speaking to the father or visiting) that the opportunities that the family(these people are a very wealthy family who can hire the best)can provide will no longer be'. When he calls the children they are quite upset as he continues to display behaviour which can only be described as cruel. On a number of occassions he has dumped my and their belongings on our footpath and at our front door in plastic bags. Dpt of Children Safety have interviewed the children and recommended that I dont force them to visit just to encourage them (which I have done) I email him and suggest to him to call, my emails are meet with "this is just a paper trail for the Courts" or "the kids can call me anytime" Mediation was held not long after I moved out of the home and was unsuccessful (parenting orders and property settlement were not signed off in the family court) as the children refused to visit him so he stopped short of signing the documents. My question is and when we do another mediation and he wants to have set access and we draw up a parenting order signed off by the Family Court, then the children refuse to visit him (and believe me the eldest will not go unless I use physical force) what will that mean for me? My other sernario is if in mediation I refuse to agree on the grounds that the kids are having problems with him(producing my evidence and case with letters, emails and doctors reports)would that mean that it would then end up in the Family Court with a court appointed Lawyer for the children and then a judge would decide? I hope someone can give me some advice as I have little money and feel that its a case of the the big and powerful family verses the single mum with little money or power Judith

Oh Judith I do not envy your position, but maybe I can help, being a single mum for almost my entire court battle in family court in NSW Australia...let me see if I can address some of your concerns. I am NO lawyer BUT, I have been in the family court system now for five years and have become quite familiar with various scenarios.....so here it goes.....

Your husbands affair with an 18 year old girl will most likely be irrelevant in court, this is not about her, it's about his relationship with the children and unless SHE is a serious problem for them it will be disregarded.

As far as bullying goes.....keep any evidence you have, write a diary and see a Family court lawyer...if you are a single parent you will be eligible for legal aid. Legal aid will support any case they feel is fair. Just so you know....I will tell you a little about my case. Mine was seen as an impossible case, I was asking for " No contact" and legal aid almost never support that, but my Lawyer felt this was the only answer to my concerns with the children and I went to the local member of parliament, he called legal aid, they subpeoned my ex's police records indicating ongoing violence and they read through my court affidavits etc and decided that although " No contact" is rarely granted they would fund my case and 18 months later I was granted Court orders stating " No contact" with the father based on the obvious facts that the father displayed time and again the inability to change and that he would always be a negative influence in the childrens lives.But please note, this was an issue of violence and that holds up stronger than any other issues in court.

Keep in close contact with Child safety and inform them to keep records of every meeting that you or the children have with them, these records can be subpeoned for court when the time comes, and yes, you will end up in the family court system. You should know too that within the family court is the only time that " Hearsay" is submissible as evidence, so be prepared that your ex and his family may create untruths and absolutely never stopp to the same level.....Your honor in the end is smarter than you may think and will see that the other party have stooped to low levels in order to win in court, be honest and sincere in every move you make....do not pick on the other party ONLY present the facts! You cannot make judgements on the other party eg. He cheated with and 18 yo cradle snatcher blah blah blah, they courts will see this as immature digging, stick only to what concerns the children, this is where some people fall short and lose.

An "ICL" Independant childrens lawyer is heaven sent in my books....they take into heavy consideration what the children want and need and will stand in court on thier behalf to speak the childrens views. However what the children have told the ICL will never be revealed in court which protects them.

Still...scenarios vary, you should get advice asap, stand your ground, play fair, and be honest is my advice.

Thank you for your reply you have given me some good advice which I will take you mentioned some things in there that I hadnt thought of and in my position 'INFORMATION IS POWER'. I thank God that in the end the truth will come out because someone will eventually ask the children the right question and they will give the right and honest answer because that is what I teach them. I also teach them the the world will allways be full of BULLIES and if you ingnore them and keep your own council they lose their power.

My sincere regards to you and your family, I hope you have reached the end of your battle so you are now able to sit back and see that it was worth it in the end.

Good comments here! And very helpful!

I had the same situation ending about 6 months ago except my husband was having an affair with a 20 year old. I was awarded 90% custody of my three children based on that it was an unhealthy envioriment for the children because the children did not want to be in the same house as this young girl. But the difference was its was my children that bought up the living arrangements (not me) when being interview by the court Counciller and the judge (Family Court in Queensland) felt that it was not in the best interests of the children to be subjected to such to a person who was so close in age to them. So I suggest to not give up and keep fighting. The court take into account the views and wishes of the children and my children were 14, 12 and 10.

I would love to know the outcome so please keep the forum updated because I will be reading.

Bev