Ex-Wife informs me of a move out of state, without my consent

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Old Apr 16th, 2013, 10:01 PM   #1
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Default Ex-Wife informs me of a move out of state, without my consent

My ex-wife recently informed me she and her boyfriend are moving to Las Vegas (I live in California) with our 9-year old son. We share joint physical custody and have been sharing responsibility since he was an infant when we separated.

In January, I agreed to allow her to take our son to Palm Springs for two months to participate in an equestrian event, and he would get tutoring while there, in other words, he was taken out of school. When it got close to the time for him to come home, she kept extending the date of his return, at which time I learned that her boyfriend had sold his home, and they were now living in his newly built home in Rancho Mirage. Boyfriend is a profanely wealthy man, and the home is a custom luxury number in an exclusive enclave.

The home went on the market in January, before she left, and my son let it slip that they had sold the house. Shortly there after, she informed me of their plans to move to Vegas, and she would rent me an apartment, and fly me out ever other weekend. I told her she move, but our son would stay here and she could fly out every other weekend, to which she replied "that won't work."

I lawyered up and wrote her a demand letter to return our son within the week so he could back into school and I would be allowed my custodial rights. She flew up with our son on Sunday, but fed him a horror story that daddy was taking him away from her, leaving him in a confused state. My son and I have a very close, loving, and truly wonderful relationship, and I have been very generous with my ex in allowing her extra weekends to allow him to ride and compete - it's what he loves to do.

Now, I am faced with a court costs and legal fees because she feels that she will just get her way, and has had this permanent move in the works for quite some time. I've done all the homework on Move Away cases in California, but am afraid she will just wear me down financially. My son goes to one of the best private schools on the Peninsula (her choice) and lives with me Thursday night, through Monday mornings when I drop him off for school.

We live with my family, sister, her husband and their two daughters - my sons cousins. My ex lives with her boyfriend, they are unmarried and he is her only source of support. She also owns a home on the Peninsula - so if this goes in front of a judge, I'm hopeful that he or she will see that my ex has a home here and will rule that there's no reason for her to take my son out of state, when she has a residence (albeit not in a luxury neighborhood - but $2.5M worth of Silicon Valley real estate) in which she could live part time should she choose to follow the money, eg. her wealthy BF.

Any advice? I'm trying not to lose my mind, her entitlement is overwhelming. She's got it all figured...
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Old Apr 16th, 2013, 10:19 PM   #2
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Default Re: Ex-Wife informs me of a move out of state, without my consent

I wish to inform you that if mother has shifted with child to California then you can first collect evidence of shifting to California which can include statement by persons known to mother or any facts which show that person has shifted. You can then file a complaint for parental kidnapping because child has been moved out of state without your consent or court order.

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Old Apr 16th, 2013, 11:05 PM   #3
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Default Re: Ex-Wife informs me of a move out of state, without my consent

If your child is abducted by the other parent, you need to act quickly and involve law enforcement agencies. Gather all the information you have, and make sure it is distributed to missing-child agencies. Call the police the moment you suspect your child has been abducted by the other parent. Get in touch with the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. Gather recent photos and descriptions of the child and other parent, and distribute them to the police. Even if you currently have joint custody, you should file for full custody of the child. Most states will award full custody to the other parent when there has been a parental abduction. Hire a private investigator. A private investigator works for you and will spend as much time tracking down your child as you can afford
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Old Apr 17th, 2013, 08:24 AM   #4
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Default Re: Ex-Wife informs me of a move out of state, without my consent

Quote:
Originally Posted by rudycalhoun View Post
My ex-wife recently informed me she and her boyfriend are moving to Las Vegas (I live in California) with our 9-year old son. We share joint physical custody and have been sharing responsibility since he was an infant when we separated.

In January, I agreed to allow her to take our son to Palm Springs for two months to participate in an equestrian event, and he would get tutoring while there, in other words, he was taken out of school. When it got close to the time for him to come home, she kept extending the date of his return, at which time I learned that her boyfriend had sold his home, and they were now living in his newly built home in Rancho Mirage. Boyfriend is a profanely wealthy man, and the home is a custom luxury number in an exclusive enclave.

The home went on the market in January, before she left, and my son let it slip that they had sold the house. Shortly there after, she informed me of their plans to move to Vegas, and she would rent me an apartment, and fly me out ever other weekend. I told her she move, but our son would stay here and she could fly out every other weekend, to which she replied "that won't work."

I lawyered up and wrote her a demand letter to return our son within the week so he could back into school and I would be allowed my custodial rights. She flew up with our son on Sunday, but fed him a horror story that daddy was taking him away from her, leaving him in a confused state. My son and I have a very close, loving, and truly wonderful relationship, and I have been very generous with my ex in allowing her extra weekends to allow him to ride and compete - it's what he loves to do.

Now, I am faced with a court costs and legal fees because she feels that she will just get her way, and has had this permanent move in the works for quite some time. I've done all the homework on Move Away cases in California, but am afraid she will just wear me down financially. My son goes to one of the best private schools on the Peninsula (her choice) and lives with me Thursday night, through Monday mornings when I drop him off for school.

We live with my family, sister, her husband and their two daughters - my sons cousins. My ex lives with her boyfriend, they are unmarried and he is her only source of support. She also owns a home on the Peninsula - so if this goes in front of a judge, I'm hopeful that he or she will see that my ex has a home here and will rule that there's no reason for her to take my son out of state, when she has a residence (albeit not in a luxury neighborhood - but $2.5M worth of Silicon Valley real estate) in which she could live part time should she choose to follow the money, eg. her wealthy BF.

Any advice? I'm trying not to lose my mind, her entitlement is overwhelming. She's got it all figured...
Maybe not as to her having it all figured out. The two of you have in effect joint custody and for one parent to move out of state with the child there has to be a compelling reason. Often, more than one.

To move to another state with a boyfriend I do not believe a judge will find compelling. The child's interest comes first. If they were married, his job was elsewhere, then to keep a family intact a judge might approve the move. She has nothing but a shack up situation which a few years back judges would have looked down upon sternly -- for its deleterious impact on the child--bonding, as children are prone to do, with an adult male father figure in their life -- to lose when the relationship busts on down the road.
A succession of 'boyfriends', possibly?

Money to hire high priced lawyers can sometimes influence the court. HOWEVER, if your lawyer paints the picture clearly -- maybe counters for full custody in you, so the child remains with his father and extended family, you might have a chance to get custody modified with full custody in you.

It is worth a try.
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Old Apr 17th, 2013, 10:23 PM   #5
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Default Re: Ex-Wife informs me of a move out of state, without my consent

My son is back home with me. Ex-wife still in Palm Springs and refuses to answer my emails regarding if and when she'll be back in the Bay Area to visit with our son. Her boyfriend purchased another home in Vegas on the premise she told him it would "be no problem" for me to travel to and fro and live in an apartment she planned to rent for me.

Right now, my kid is back in school after being "home-schooled" by a tutor for three months and nominal interaction with other kids his own age. I'm not assuming no news is good news, as I'm sure she's lawyered up and trying to go about a custody change using the proper channels. I appreciate hearing judges don't think moving with a BF is grounds for changing joint custody - especially since I live with my family (and two of my sons cousins).

My ex is a masterful manipulator, world-class liar, and astounding at gold-digging - her current boyfriend is the ex-husband of her former best friend, who she mined for personal worth information then let the games begin. What was I thinking...
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Old Apr 17th, 2013, 10:41 PM   #6
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Default Re: Ex-Wife informs me of a move out of state, without my consent

They say its easier to cry when you are sitting in a Corvette, than when you are sitting on a park bench. Good Luck.
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Old Apr 18th, 2013, 05:40 PM   #7
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Default Re: Ex-Wife informs me of a move out of state, without my consent

Have sent her repeated emails asking when she plans to come home to visit my son - which have gone unanswered. This from a woman who can send 100 text messages in less than 10 minutes demanding an immediate response. Her failure to communicate with me speaks volumes. However, my attorney has advised me to do all my talking thru email, so I have a paper trail of her "non-responses." i

In the meantime, she calls my son several times a day - this after not allowing him to have a phone when she took him to Palm Springs, thus limiting my access to him while he was in her sole custody. I got his phone hooked up and am even planning on taking him to mass on Sunday - she had him baptized without my knowledge because her BF is a "devout" Catholic. So devout, he hasn't put a ring on it in over four years...

I've come to realize how inequitable my relationship has become simply because I didn't want to deal with her. I've decided to fight for what's fair and equitable, and best for my son - not her lavish, luxury, glamorous lifestyle. Stay tuned.
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Old Apr 18th, 2013, 05:46 PM   #8
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We have a lot of Catholics in Ohio. The joke goes the reason you cannot buy wine early on Sunday mornings, is so the Catholics have a fair shot at the ones on sale.

(There is no really good advice that you have not received. I am only trying to help by lightening your mood)
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Old Apr 18th, 2013, 09:09 PM   #9
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Default Re: Ex-Wife informs me of a move out of state, without my consent

I could use a good laugh! So thanks! The good news is my son is terrific, he still holds my hand (when no one's looking), gives me a kiss (again, when no one's looking) and whispers in my ear that he loves me. I'm blessed with a great kid, and am trying to shield him from the acrimony my ex is fulminating.

I could go on and on at what a piece of work she is, but it would just sound like sour grapes. Let's just say I had my son paternity tested after he was born...he's mine, all mine. Whew.
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Old Apr 18th, 2013, 09:12 PM   #10
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Default Re: Ex-Wife informs me of a move out of state, without my consent

Does anyone know if there's a cooling off period in California which disallows changes to custody if the divorce has occurred less than two years ago? I'm looking for any means to delay a custody hearing, which I'm sure she's petitioning for. My attorneys say let her file, because if she loses the case, she'll also be responsible for my attorney fees - which would piss her off no end.
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