Unmarried Sole Custody for Mother

This is a discussion on Unmarried Sole Custody for Mother within the Child Custody & Support forum, part of the FAMILY LAW, DIVORCE, CUSTODY category; I reside in North Carolina and am a little familiar with the family laws. My current situation is this. My ...

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Old Mar 23rd, 2013, 05:15 PM   #1
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Default Unmarried Sole Custody for Mother

I reside in North Carolina and am a little familiar with the family laws. My current situation is this. My boyfriend after we broke up, was charged with a violent crime and is now a convicted felon. He is getting out next month and is going to take me to court for custody. After we split he had not only text messaged, but exchanged emails where we said he would not only kill himself and I, but our daughter as well. We have had domestic violence issues, but stupidly I never reportedly anything. I fear for the safety of my daughter and myself. He is very unstable. With that in mind, our daughter is also Autistic among other disabilities. Her doctors themselves have said putting her into new environments like that could damage her and mess with what we have accomplished with her so far. I'm not saying I don't want her too never see him, just want it to be on my terms. I apologize for the long ramble, just wanted to get all the info out there. So here is my question, how can I win sole custody and how can I file a petition under the Uniform Child Abduction Prevention Act? Thank you in advance for any help!
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Old Mar 23rd, 2013, 05:26 PM   #2
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Default Re: Unmarried Sole Custody for Mother

I wish to inform you that you may file a petition in the court for sole custody. You may present evidence like the text messages and emails, conviction, etc. to show to the court that the father is not fit to be the father of the child. Generally, the court wants the child to grow up under the love and care of both the parents. The court always considers the best interests of the child. The court will consider all the facts and decide the matter. You may also request the court for a restraining order for the father not to come in contact with you and the child. Alternatively, you may inform your concerns about the violent nature of the father to the law enforcement agencies.

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Old Mar 24th, 2013, 03:13 PM   #3
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I reside in North Carolina and am a little familiar with the family laws. My current situation is this. My boyfriend after we broke up, was charged with a violent crime and is now a convicted felon. He is getting out next month and is going to take me to court for custody. After we split he had not only text messaged, but exchanged emails where we said he would not only kill himself and I, but our daughter as well. We have had domestic violence issues, but stupidly I never reportedly anything. I fear for the safety of my daughter and myself. He is very unstable. With that in mind, our daughter is also Autistic among other disabilities. Her doctors themselves have said putting her into new environments like that could damage her and mess with what we have accomplished with her so far. I'm not saying I don't want her too never see him, just want it to be on my terms. I apologize for the long ramble, just wanted to get all the info out there. So here is my question, how can I win sole custody and how can I file a petition under the Uniform Child Abduction Prevention Act? Thank you in advance for any help!
First of all, you HAVE custody by virtue of the fact your daughter was born to you, that you are her mother. One does not have to run to court to have a judge validate that fact. You failed to mention her age, by the way.

The putative father, and that is all he is at this point, since the two of you were never married and paternity cannot be assumed, will have to go to court to prove paternity, that he is the father. Which will be done by DNA testing. Then custody, support and visitation will be ordered.

The two of you in court are not on equal footing for many reasons. First, if the child is under the age of 8, the Tender Years Doctrine favors the child being with the mother for mother's parenting style of protecting and nurturing generally is what a young child needs -- differing from father's parenting styles.

Further, courts are reluctant to remove a child from her home, from her parent to whom she is bonded [yes, love and affection do mean much in the courtroom and custody cases]. And to a father who has never parented her? A virtual stranger? A convicted felon who has threatened to kill himself and the child? I hope you saved the texts and exmails.

If visitation is ordered, I hope you petition the court that it be supervised --- and in a duly licensed facility, where professionals can observe the interaction between him and the child. A man who has threatened to kill a child should not be allowed anywhere near her, in my opinion. I hope this is stressed in court. Abusers threaten custody not because they want the child, but to hurt the mother. In this case he has threatened to kill the child -- something we hear on the news all too often -- a father killing the mother and the children, as well. Or taking the children and killing them -- to spite the mother.

Should he petition for paternity, he is going to get a suprise over the support order for your child being autistic has special needs and provisions will have to be made for her over and above the support guidelines for your state.

But to be clear, courts do not have to step in and determine and 'award' custody to natural parents. The fact your daughter is yours you can easily prove should anyone question. Hospital records alone prove that. They only step in when custody is challenged by one parent or another -- or the state files to make the child a ward of the state for the parents' unfitness or abandonment. The courts have no right or reason to step into family matters absent good reason.

Should anyone, including the putative father, take your child, that person would be guilty of kidnapping, plain and simple. The federal criminal laws, Title 18, are there to help you get your child back. The Parental Kidnapping Act would not come into play because the alleged bio dad has not proved he is the father and has any right whatsoever to the child. He must go to court to do that.

I trust this answers your questions.
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Old Mar 24th, 2013, 03:15 PM   #4
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Default Re: Unmarried Sole Custody for Mother

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I wish to inform you that you may file a petition in the court for sole custody. You may present evidence like the text messages and emails, conviction, etc. to show to the court that the father is not fit to be the father of the child. Generally, the court wants the child to grow up under the love and care of both the parents. The court always considers the best interests of the child. The court will consider all the facts and decide the matter. You may also request the court for a restraining order for the father not to come in contact with you and the child. Alternatively, you may inform your concerns about the violent nature of the father to the law enforcement agencies.

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This answer is incorrect. There is no other parent at this point in time other than the mother, the Original Poster. The mother HAS custody by virtue of being the mother, the sole parent the child has at this point in her life without a man stepping up to prove paternity, that he is in fact the father. Unless and until that time, the mother is the sole parent -- unchallenged.

This person obviously does not know family law.
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Old Mar 24th, 2013, 04:16 PM   #5
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When you do address child support, depending on the severity of your child's autism the support order can have an indefinite end date. Parents of children who are never able to live independently due to a disabling condition can be entitled to child support until the child either overcomes the disability or becomes deceased.
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Old Mar 24th, 2013, 04:24 PM   #6
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There is little likelyhood he will get custody as she has been living with you for years. Further, the court may limit visitation due to his familiarity and her medical issues.
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Old Mar 25th, 2013, 10:41 AM   #7
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There is little likelyhood he will get custody as she has been living with you for years. Further, the court may limit visitation due to his familiarity and her medical issues.
Where the poster says he has threatened to kill the child, and she has documentation of this, yes, yes, it is most likely the court will limit visitation.
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Old Mar 25th, 2013, 01:35 PM   #8
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Default Re: Unmarried Sole Custody for Mother

Many times parents will threaten each other with court action if they do not get what they want. Often, it's simply that, just a threat and they don't follow through.

However, keep all texts and emails as evidence. Do not communicate with the father in person or on the phone.

You already have sole custody, since you were not married to the father, and there is nothing in legal documents granting him paternity. However, if you go to court, the court usually grants joint legal custody. Present the evidence you have regarding his threats, your concerns regarding your child's disability along with any written, notarized statements from your doctors. You may also call upon the doctors as witnesses in your case (this can get expensive as they may charge you for their time in court).

Until he files, you don't have to do anything in regards to custody. However, it may be a good idea to take the emails and texts to get a restraining order against him in the meantime.
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