Girlfriend leaving state; We are suppose to be engaged

[redman]

We are suppose to be engaged but don't plan on being married for at least a year or two, due to her husband recently passing.

She is leaving for a week and suppose to be back than. But I am a little worried she might not come back at all. Her father said that I could come and live with them too but I don't want to live with any parents. I want to be on my own with her and our child. I already have one child that I didn't get to see for the first year. Now that the grandparents have temp. custody until I have my own place for at least a year than I can go for custody of my child since the mother is no longer in the picture.

I have already registered for paternity claim in my state, so I am hoping that she does come back. I have also talked to the landlord and they said if she leaves and doesn't come back they will go after her for her part. They are also a friend of the family, which I plan on staying in the house myself.

She is still confused and misses her husband. They were together for 10 years and married 8 before he passed. But since we have been together she is no longer on blues. If she leaves, I am afraid that she will go back to her old habits and end up losing the baby!

Redman

[messyjessi]

Originally Posted by redman We are suppose to be engaged but don't plan on being married for at least a year or two, due to her husband recently passing. She is leaving for a week and suppose to be back than. But I am a little worried she might not come back at all. Her father said that I could come and live with them too but I don't want to live with any parents. I want to be on my own with her and our child. I already have one child that I didn't get to see for the first year. Now that the grandparents have temp. custody until I have my own place for at least a year than I can go for custody of my child since the mother is no longer in the picture. I have already registered for paternity claim in my state, so I am hoping that she does come back. I have also talked to the landlord and they said if she leaves and doesn't come back they will go after her for her part. They are also a friend of the family, which I plan on staying in the house myself. She is still confused and misses her husband. They were together for 10 years and married 8 before he passed. But since we have been together she is no longer on blues. If she leaves, I am afraid that she will go back to her old habits and end up losing the baby! Redman

untill you establish paternity you dont have a child. you cannot legally keep her from taking the baby with her because at this point you have no rights. file for paternity will will entitle you to probaly joint legal custody. untill then your hands are tied.

[goddessoflubboc]

It certainly appears that you are upset by your gf moving, this is at least the 3rd post, but this one seems to lack a question?

What are you wanting to do? You cannot force her to stay with you, you are not a parent to her child until it is born and you establish paternity.

You are probably quite right that she was still a bit adrift over the loss of her husband. That is a very difficult thing to get over, especially at a young age.

[sandyclaus]

Originally Posted by redman We are suppose to be engaged but don't plan on being married for at least a year or two, due to her husband recently passing. She is leaving for a week and suppose to be back than. But I am a little worried she might not come back at all. Her father said that I could come and live with them too but I don't want to live with any parents. I want to be on my own with her and our child. I already have one child that I didn't get to see for the first year. Now that the grandparents have temp. custody until I have my own place for at least a year than I can go for custody of my child since the mother is no longer in the picture. I have already registered for paternity claim in my state, so I am hoping that she does come back. I have also talked to the landlord and they said if she leaves and doesn't come back they will go after her for her part. They are also a friend of the family, which I plan on staying in the house myself. She is still confused and misses her husband. They were together for 10 years and married 8 before he passed. But since we have been together she is no longer on blues. If she leaves, I am afraid that she will go back to her old habits and end up losing the baby! Redman

As was mentioned in your original post (Pregnant mother leaving the state without my permission), you can't stop her from leaving the state. Even if you were married, you have no control over where she goes, and you can't simply lock her up and keep her here because you want it.

You have filed the proper documents to make a claim on the child in your home state - that's good. However, if your girlfriend has the baby in her home state where the parents live while she is staying there, then you may need to do the same there.

However, as for the girlfriend, you need to let her go and do what she needs to do. There's ABSOLUTELY NOTHING YOU CAN DO to force her to stay. In fact, you may find that she resents you a great deal if you do try to keep her here and she wants to go, so you really need to be prepared for that possibility.

[Friend In Court]

Originally Posted by redman We are suppose to be engaged but don't plan on being married for at least a year or two, due to her husband recently passing. She is leaving for a week and suppose to be back than. But I am a little worried she might not come back at all. Her father said that I could come and live with them too but I don't want to live with any parents. I want to be on my own with her and our child. I already have one child that I didn't get to see for the first year. Now that the grandparents have temp. custody until I have my own place for at least a year than I can go for custody of my child since the mother is no longer in the picture. I have already registered for paternity claim in my state, so I am hoping that she does come back. I have also talked to the landlord and they said if she leaves and doesn't come back they will go after her for her part. They are also a friend of the family, which I plan on staying in the house myself. She is still confused and misses her husband. They were together for 10 years and married 8 before he passed. But since we have been together she is no longer on blues. If she leaves, I am afraid that she will go back to her old habits and end up losing the baby! Redman

The paternity action you filed in your state will be dismissed unless you had her served before she leaves.

As to her 'being confused', that is no frame of mind to make a commitment to anyone. You need to realize the two of you have no legal bonds whatsoever and you cannot make her stay with you or do anything else, for that matter.

As to the lease both of you are liable to the landlord, jointly and severally which means he can go after either one of you for the entire amount of the lease. If she is out of state my best guess is he will look to you.

[goddessoflubboc]

FOC I believe OP is referring to the paternity registry which does not serve notice.

[Friend In Court]

Regardless, there is nothing he can do without a determination of paternity. And that can only be done once a court has obtained jurisdiction over her AND the child, yet to be born. The state in which she resides is the only one that can obtain jurisdiction over her. There is no legal way to force her to return to the putative father's state. Nor to force her to submit to invasivion of her womb for DNA testing the fetus, even if she were in the state.

It is fundamental US Constitutional jurisdictional law that a state official's power stops at the state line -- and that includes judges, save long arm jurisdiction for torts. This is the second recent post of a putative father who wants and/or intends to serve process on an out of state resident pregnant woman to try to force her to return to his state to submit to DNA testing. The legal answer: "Tough!" "Go to her state, once the child is born and bring your action there."

[goddessoflubboc]

As much as I am loathe to point out your misunderstanding FOC, here we are talking about the paternity registry offered by some but not all states to allow a man to state he believes he impregnated a certain woman. This is done BEFORE paternity is determined (and often before the child is born) to preserve the Father's rights to confirm paternity after birth and be notified in the case of any court action related to said child such as adoption.

[Friend In Court]

Goddess, I will state again and for the last time. There is nothing he can do to force a pregnant woman to return to the state he is living in.

There is no register. So WHAT if he files something in a registry. Belief, smaleef! He is talking suing in his state to force a woman to return with a newborn, for his convenience, to prove he is the father. The legal equivalent of a snowball in hell as to his chances. He can file whatever he wants in a registry, church, or post on a courthouse door. But it has no legal effect whatsoever.

The question is: Whether he can force her to come back to his state, by legal process, with a newborn, to submit to DNA testing. The answer is "No." "Go to her state once the child is born and file your paternity action in the county in which she and the child reside."

[goddessoflubboc]

Dear FOC, it appears you misunderstood me. I have in fact informed OP he cannot prevent her from leaving or force her back.

Perhaps if you googled "paternity registry" you could familiarize yourself with this process that allows a man to preserve his possible paternal rights in the event a court action such as an adoption is filed by mom.