When does supervised visitation become necessary?

[sandyclaus]

Originally Posted by BetterDays [post deleted by admin]

You're serious? Get your head out of the sand. This isn't about how "sweet and loving" your daughter might be. This is all about the best interests of the child.

Your daughter made some bad choices in the past, and as a result, she VOLUNTARILY gave up custody and her right to visit that child until she could prove that she was fit to be a decent parent again. And while she may have convinced YOU, you are not the one who gets to decide here.

Stop coddling your daughter and fighting this battle for her. You need to let her understand that her choices had some pretty severe consequences, and she needs to let those play out. ONLY when it can be proven to the satisfaction of all parties involved through the appropriate channels (read: IN COURT, to a JUDGE) will your daughter get the privilege of being able to see her child again. Unless and until that happens, the court has decided that Dad gets to choose.

[BetterDays]

The way you react is as if she was drinking every day and around her daughter. She had drinks at dinner on a night when her daughter was away. Only that one time in the past 3 months. Doesn't sound like she's much of a threat to me. If she didn't have issues in the past (in which she never drank regularly or around her daughter by the way) you wouldn't be so judgmental. The last I checked I didn't think it was illegal to have drinks with friends if you aren't around children or driving. Guess who paid and supplied the alcohol these times? the father. He's just bitter because she left him. And he still wants her back (admitted it).

[sandyclaus]

Originally Posted by BetterDays The way you react is as if she was drinking every day and around her daughter. She had drinks at dinner on a night when her daughter was away. Only that one time in the past 3 months. Doesn't sound like she's much of a threat to me. If she didn't have issues in the past (in which she never drank regularly or around her daughter by the way) you wouldn't be so judgmental. The last I checked I didn't think it was illegal to have drinks with friends if you aren't around children or driving. Guess who paid and supplied the alcohol these times? the father. He's just bitter because she left him. And he still wants her back (admitted it).

First and foremost, this is NOT your fight. It is your daughter's. How much of what your taking issue with is something that your daughter is fighting over? I have a sneaking suspicion that most of the problems are about what YOU want and have little to do with your daughter and what she wants - or NEEDS.

I also worry about just how much the child is aware of when it comes to the current situation. I would HOPE that all she knows is that Mommy is sick and wants to visit with her, but she isn't well enough to be able to do so. Providing any more information than that is irresponsible and inappropriate. I also wonder about how much the child actually would miss her Mommy if she didn't have you constantly reminding her of how "unfair" it all is that everyone is keeping the two of them apart. Your daughter made that choice for her child when she chose the alcohol over her being a responsible parent.

Understand that your daughter gave up EVERYTHING for her addiction - including the right to parent her own child. When someone makes a choice like that, it's sad - and devastating for all of those who care about her - and those who she allegedly cares about. She made the choice to give up her relationship with her child because of that addiction. Her husband was looking out for the child's best interest by NOT allowing his child to go with her when she left, because her addiction had the very real probability of rearing its ugly little head again - and that put her child in more danger than she could ever realize.

When the court considered her addiction in custody and visitation, they had to take the child's best interest at heart. Was it a good idea to place your daughter in charge of this child whom she had abandoned before in order to have that drink? The safe choice was to require her to complete proper alcohol counseling and rehab before she would be allowed the opportunity to parent her child again, and your daughter agreed to it.

You may think that your daughter may have control over her drinking, but that is not reality for an alcoholic. One drink is too much, and a hundred drinks isn't enough. She has a significantly higher hurdle to overcome before she gets the privilege of visiting with her child again. She must prove to the COURT that she is capable of parenting her child again, without the risk that adding alcohol into the equation is bringing.

It's not unusual for a recovering alcoholic to think they can overcome their addiction without professional help. It's ALSO not unusual for them to be 100% wrong - and the court KNOWS that, which is why completion of a proper counseling and rehab program is essential to getting her visitation back. Your daughter is going to have prove herself that she understands the nature of her addiction, and that she is powerless over it without getting good-quality PROFESSIONAL help to overcome it.

And, finally, quite frankly, I do not believe that your daughter even realizes the risk that even ONE drink poses for her. She clearly does not understand the nature of her addiction, and for her to be drinking with friends - or even the father - is proof positive that the addiction is winning. She has a choice - the booze or her child. It seems to me that the booze is winning.

[goddessoflubboc]

This isn't about being harsh, this is about your daughter's LEGAL situation, about which it's been hard to get straight answers.

If this "order" you are talking about was signed by a judge, then it is indeed a court order and she would have been served notice to appear.

How could he prevent her from leaving with the child if, as you say, he was "never around?". You say she must be a good mom bc he "let her" be with the child while he was at work. That flies both ways - she must feel he's a good dad to leave kiddo behind and walk away.

Has she filed a petition with the court yet?

[Friend In Court]

She needs to be represented by good counsel to plead her case to get the order and possibly custody reversed.

[BetterDays]

I hope we can find a good one. Thanks