My ex's boyfriend spanking my child, is this allowed?

This is a discussion on My ex's boyfriend spanking my child, is this allowed? within the Child Custody & Support forum, part of the FAMILY LAW, DIVORCE, CUSTODY category; I have done some research and its confusing, though my ex isnt married to this person so its her boyfriend ...

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Old May 14th, 2012, 05:12 AM   #1
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Default My ex's boyfriend spanking my child, is this allowed?

I have done some research and its confusing, though my ex isnt married to this person so its her boyfriend not a step parent. My 5 year old daughter told my mother the other day that my ex's boyfriend spanks them with a belt and it scares her, and that he also spanks my 3 year old daughter with a belt. She has also told my sister that he whips his biological kids so hard it scares her and she runs and hides. I live in North Carolina and I have already contacted CPS but am wondering if I can take legal action for assault/abuse since he is just a boyfriend and not a step-parent, and even still if he was a step parent (if they were to get married one day) if he has this right. I also have primary custody of the kids, the only thing my paper says about visitations is what we both agree upon, other then that I have custody. I really need a solid answer, I am trying my best to keep my cool and handle this the right way, but another man that is 33 years old spanking my 3 and 5 year old daughter with a belt to the point where they are terrified has me pretty pissed. Thanks.

Edit - My sister also told me because my daughter spent the night over there the other night that when she walked in the room with a belt to discipline her kids my 5 year old ran and hid in the corner and started shaking, and it got to the point where my sister had to hide the belt and couldn't even discipline her own kids because mine were so scared.
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Old May 14th, 2012, 05:33 AM   #2
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Default Re: My ex's boyfriend spanking my child, is this allowed?

I wish to inform you that you may report the matter to law enforcement agencies. In this regard boyfriend can be held liable for domestic violence or assault because his action were unjustified. Further you can seek immediate orders of court for temporary custody based upon danger to child. Domestic violence includes family violence. As boyfriend is staying together therefore domestic violence penal provisions will be attracted. As the matter is criminal therefore you may report the matter to law enforcement agencies.

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Old May 14th, 2012, 05:44 AM   #3
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Default Re: My ex's boyfriend spanking my child, is this allowed?

I have custody now due to the fact last year she knew this guy for 2 weeks and left them (aged 2 and 4 then) overnight with him while they were at work, so I got emergency custody and it hasnt changed since. I am due to mediation today, but since hearing this news I dont think im going to agree to anything and just go to trial for full on custody where she has supervised or no visits. But other then that I can report this to law officials? Nothing is justified about it? Thanks

Edit - And he will face criminal penalties for his actions?
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Old May 14th, 2012, 05:44 AM   #4
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Default Re: My ex's boyfriend spanking my child, is this allowed?

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Originally Posted by Michael25 View Post
I have done some research and its confusing, though my ex isnt married to this person so its her boyfriend not a step parent. My 5 year old daughter told my mother the other day that my ex's boyfriend spanks them with a belt and it scares her, and that he also spanks my 3 year old daughter with a belt. She has also told my sister that he whips his biological kids so hard it scares her and she runs and hides. I live in North Carolina and I have already contacted CPS but am wondering if I can take legal action for assault/abuse since he is just a boyfriend and not a step-parent, and even still if he was a step parent (if they were to get married one day) if he has this right. I also have primary custody of the kids, the only thing my paper says about visitations is what we both agree upon, other then that I have custody. I really need a solid answer, I am trying my best to keep my cool and handle this the right way, but another man that is 33 years old spanking my 3 and 5 year old daughter with a belt to the point where they are terrified has me pretty pissed. Thanks.

Edit - My sister also told me because my daughter spent the night over there the other night that when she walked in the room with a belt to discipline her kids my 5 year old ran and hid in the corner and started shaking, and it got to the point where my sister had to hide the belt and couldn't even discipline her own kids because mine were so scared.

Since you have primary custody and, presumably, visitation rights are with the ex, what you can do is report the abuse to the police, to CPS and also move the court to suspend visitation until there is a full investigation of the circumstances in your ex's home with the abusive boyfriend. No one has a right to hit your child. While using a belt on a child some people find no problem with, it is abuse and all it teaches is rule by brute force and pain.

I suggest you move the court immediately to suspend visitation, with whatever affidavits and police reports you can gather, including one from your sister. And if the court chooses to modify the visitation, that it be supervised by a neutral (non family member or friend) third party. There are state/county institutions for supervised visitation where the parties arrival and departure times are logged as well as the interaction between the child and visiting parent.
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Old May 14th, 2012, 05:48 AM   #5
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Default Re: My ex's boyfriend spanking my child, is this allowed?

Thankyou guys for the speedy replies, you have been a great help, I have another question.

She claimed then on taxes this year when I told her not to, and I have the primary custody right now, is that illegal also?

Since as I understand only 1 parent can claim them per year?
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Old May 14th, 2012, 05:51 AM   #6
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Default Re: My ex's boyfriend spanking my child, is this allowed?

You are correct that only one parent may claim the child with the IRS. It is the parent usually with whom the child lives and provides more than half the support. A custody decree should spell out which is to take the deduction, but in its absence, then the residential parent usually claims. An exception might be the case where the custodial parent is supported primarily by the non custodial parent who is also paying more than 50% of support for the child.

The IRS has a publication on this point which would be worthwhile referring to. You can find it online.
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Old May 14th, 2012, 05:56 AM   #7
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Default Re: My ex's boyfriend spanking my child, is this allowed?

Ok yea their mother has been back and forth (mainly not here) for the past 3 years, even before the custody I have had the kids 90% of the time (when she was not here) she might see them every other weekend, or a few times a month. Even when we were together I supported the kids all through their life, she had 1 job that didnt last long, if it wasnt me supporting the kids it was my mother helping. I am on disability but still supported them a majority of the time, am just trying to see what legal action I can take with that also, guess I will be spending the day at the courthouse and getting all this straightened out, its a big mess, again thankyou very much.
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Old May 14th, 2012, 07:41 AM   #8
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Default Re: My ex's boyfriend spanking my child, is this allowed?

I found out my husband already had a first marriage in the US making him a naturalized US Citizen. I did not know this before we got married in the Philippines two years after the first marriage. He never brought me to the US, though. I am still a Filipino citizen. Now i want to file for bigamy against him. I learned that the first wife also filed for bigamy. Her case is ongoing right now. If i file for bigamy also, will my husband be charged for bigamy twice? Im planning to separate from him. Am I entitled to alimony, even if I am a second wife, because he asked to to quit my job and i became a housewife for 8 years.
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