My 13 year old wants to change the visitation -- Michigan/ California

[Kelly5]

Hi - My 13 year old daughter has gone to her fathers in Michigan ( we live in California all custody issues are handeled here) every Summer since she was three, as well as all of Easter and one week at Christmas. These arrangements were made when she was two. Now she no longer wants to go the whole summer. Last year she asked if she could go for 2 weeks and he said all or nothing. She said okay nothing. Upon which he told her he is going to throw away all of her things and not allow anyone in his family to talk to her. And he did not call her for 4 months.

She has requested the same thing from him this year and he is not agreeing. His argument is all about me and I am makeing her do this and I am only doing it to get money from him. He even said that if she does not come out he has no reason to live.

My daughter wants me to help her and I have agreed. I still thinks she needs to see her dad in the summer (although threatening he has no reason to live is not a healty parental response)

My situation is as usual, I can not afford an Attorney but I have started paperwork with We The People (she helped me with my Divorce- custody was with a lawyer) But my daughter is supposed to leave on June 16th.

Also, will my petition to change the visitation allow her to speak to make her desires heard?

Is it possible under these circumstances to get a hearing before then?

I am in Santa Monica CA and that is the court the custody was decided.

Thank You

[AFFA]

I wish to inform you that you have to seek modification of child visitation. In this regard court will consider best interest of child as main consideration. Further, you may seek emergency hearing but for emergency hearing you will have to justify as to why you need child hearing at the earliest. You may thus have to show as to how interest of child will be affected by delay in hearing if you seek early hearing.

AFF

[Kelly5]

Thank you-

I will continue with the paper work for a hearing. Hopefully the reason will be important enough. I do not want to have this happen while she is with him. He is a bit emotionaly and verbally abusive towards me in front of her. Also he continually mentions "no reason to live".

How bad would it be if he sends the ticket and I delay her going?

[Friend In Court]

You are so correct that his response is totally wrong, emotional blackmail and your daughter should not be subjected to it. No doubt she wants to limit visitation because she has friends and activities near home and the months with him out of state are just not that interesting or entertaining.

Your ex has to grow up, a large task for a grown man but he MUST step back and see his daughter as she is now and involve her in a discussion of what she would like her summers to be like. It is important that she spend some extended time with her father, considering the distance. But he must make the time worth her while and not treat her as a captive to serve HIM and HIS needs, but make the time enjoyable for them BOTH.

Try to have a talk with him and your daughter separately before you go to court to modify. Find out how your daughter would like to spend her summers, the activities she enjoys and then talk with the father and see if he can arrange to make those weeks memorable for both of them.

If you can get some kind of agreement that your daughter will welcome, then the modification will be easier on all concerned.

[goddessoflubboc]

Her dad sounds extraordinarily manipulative and immature. Is this his usual mindset? Since you never see each other one can't help but wonder if something on his end changed if this is new behavior (drinking, drugs, illness even).

[Lexus]

You know Courts generally consider the wishes of the child when reviewing custody and visitation issues. A child's wish may be granted but it will be dependent on the child's age and maturity level, as well as what the court concludes is in the child's best interests. Courts also take into consideration the fact that the custodial parent may exert Undue Influence over the child's decision-making process and color the child's supposedly independent request. As children mature they may seek an order from the court changing custody and visitation arrangements.

[messyjessi]

Originally Posted by Kelly5 Hi - My 13 year old daughter has gone to her fathers in Michigan ( we live in California all custody issues are handeled here) every Summer since she was three, as well as all of Easter and one week at Christmas. These arrangements were made when she was two. Now she no longer wants to go the whole summer. Last year she asked if she could go for 2 weeks and he said all or nothing. She said okay nothing. Upon which he told her he is going to throw away all of her things and not allow anyone in his family to talk to her. And he did not call her for 4 months. She has requested the same thing from him this year and he is not agreeing. His argument is all about me and I am makeing her do this and I am only doing it to get money from him. He even said that if she does not come out he has no reason to live. My daughter wants me to help her and I have agreed. I still thinks she needs to see her dad in the summer (although threatening he has no reason to live is not a healty parental response) My situation is as usual, I can not afford an Attorney but I have started paperwork with We The People (she helped me with my Divorce- custody was with a lawyer) But my daughter is supposed to leave on June 16th. Also, will my petition to change the visitation allow her to speak to make her desires heard? Is it possible under these circumstances to get a hearing before then? I am in Santa Monica CA and that is the court the custody was decided. Thank You

sorry whatever the court order says goes. if dad is supposed to have her all summer then shes going all summer. she is legally a child and doesnt get to dictate when she see her father untill shes 18. dad's vistation trumps your daughters social life and activities, it is just that, an order not a suggestion. if she refuses to go, you can find yourself held in contempt, and done enough times, a switch in custody.you have no business letting her decide when she is going to see him and for how long. either follow the court order, or prepare for the consequences.

[Friend In Court]

While courts may consider a child's wishes, usually beginning about 14 years of age or older, with the distance between them, I doubt the court would limit visitation at this point in time. Convincing the father to plan a more enjoyable summer with the daughter would be far more productive for all concerned.