How do I reverse this and regain the edge?

[desperatefather]

About a month and a half ago my wife and daughter went to my wife's parents for a one week vacation. Everything was fine as nothing had happened between us and we weren't even fighting. We talked on the phone and she agreed that it would be better for me to come and get them as her father had trouble with the three hour drive due to his knees. I came to OH to get them and stopped to see her first. She was going to stay two more days and I was going to spend two days with my mother before we went back to kentucky. When I saw her everything was still fine. That night she called me at my mother's and asked me to come to her Nanny's house the next day. I agreed thinking it was for dinner. I got to spend 30 mins. with my daughter before she was sent away and my wife preceeded to tell me that it was all over and she was never coming home. She claimed that one time she saw a look in my eye and was convinced that someday somehow I might become violent and hit her. She said that she could not live with that fear in the back of her head. Even though I have never done anything that would suggest that I could ever be violent. Her parents have been trying to convince her of this since I first met her, before I ever even met them. They did not even come to our wedding. They were the reason that we left ohio and came to kentucky in the first place. To get away from their constant accusations and constant attempts to split us up. But in a single afternoon they managed to reverse everything and now she can't seem to remember anything about our relationship or why we got married and planned our daughter. She was not an accident we were trying to start our family. A week after she decided that I came back and managed to get to see my daughter for two hours supervised at her Nanny's house again. I have not been allowed to see my daughter at all since then. That was a month ago. She has denied any attempt I have made since then. I asked if my mother and I could pick up my daughter this last sat. to take her to a heritage festival. She refused. Not even my family is allowed to see my daughter. I asked if I could at least come to her Nanny's again to see her. She sent me an email saying that Nanny no longer wanted it done at her house but that I could come to her parent's house to see my daughter. She said she would let me know when would be appropriate. I was in ohio all weekend and heard nothing back from her. Before I left kentucky I called the police in ohio to see if they would come as peace keepers so I could see her and they refused. Tues. I went over to her parents and knocked on the door and there was no answer. I called the house and got no answer. So, as I was about to leave when her aunt (deputy sheriff, k-9 unit) pulled up. I talked to her ( who lied to me) and as I was about to leave again another sheriff pulled in. My wife had called 911 on me for knocking on the door to see my daughter. I talked to the other officer and he immediately let me go. The next day (wed.9/5) she goes and gets a domestic violence civil protection order on me claiming that I was violent to her and my daughter and possibly stalking. The day after that (thur.9/6) her dad calls me to try to set up a time for me to come back up there and meet at their house to see my daughter and says that my mother can come to. He tells me to call back and work out the details with my wife. Today (fri 9/7) my wife calls me at home and tries to set up a time for me to come over next tues with my mom to see my daughter. I told her tues would not work for me so she said she would call me back tomorrow to see if we could work out a time sooner like sun. or mon. Not two hour after I hang up the phone with her the police show up to serve me with my domestic violence civil protection order with the date that I am to appear in court up there to face this. It clearly says that I am not allowed to see or contact my wife, my daughter or their house, place of business or even phone, fax, email any of them. She and her father both were deliberately trying to set me up so that they could have me arrested. But, dosen't that mean that she can't contact me either? Isn't this a violation of her own protection order with deliberate and malicious intent? How do I reverse this bogus claim that has absolutely no evidence and get my daughter back and keep this in kentucky courts like I was trying to do.?

[Littleacres]

You need to take your case to a lawyer. You need to stop relying on her to let you see your daughter. I really do hope that you were never physically abusive to your family, even if you were a court or judge will not deny the child access to see you, at a minimum you would get supervised custody. Besides it sounds like this situation is her word against yours and she would need to prove that you assaulted her or your daughter. The only problem I see is if you have prior assault charges in your criminal record.If you agreed to let her move in with her parents and aloowed her to move out of state, then the court proceedings may have to be done in her state. if not she will have to come back to your state to do the court proceedings. Do not expect her parents to take your side, do not expect her to follow through on her promises. GET A LAWYER, TAKE IT TO COURT!! You have let your wife go, do not let your emotions get the best of you, do not give her any ammunition, do not try to talk to her, let the your lawyer do that, thats what they are there for. tell your lawyer about the police letting you go. Keep a journal of everything that has been going, this is important to keep you on track of what has been going on and when it goes to court it will make it easier for you to recall all events surrounding the courts. Get loans if you have to , to pay for a lawyer, sell your house, your car, if you can't get a loan or afford a lawyer. Do what you must to get your daughter back. it all depends how important she is to you. a lot of men as soon as they see that they may go into debt trying to get there children back give up. so how important is your daughter? Is she worth going broke over? Or is money more important?

[desperatefather]

I did not allow her to move away. I let her go on a week vacation that was all. This was not up to me. I have not even raised my voice through all og this. I have stayed calm and rational which is something she has not been. I have no criminal background. Arrested once at 19 for minor consumption. That's it. The only other background I have is an honorable discharge from US Marine Corps. I have never done anything but bend over backwards to try to keep my family happy. I have done more and sacrificed more than any other guy would have. But I could never do enough to keep her out of her parents control. I have already gotten a lawyer. I had just left his office when her dad called me (Thur9/6) with the first attempt to set me up. I was filling out the divorce datapack when she called me (Fri9/7) with the second attempt. Now that I have this protection order I will not answer the phone when she calls again. But, I will be taking in my caller ID when I go to court to show their calls to me after they got the protection order. There is no evidence to support or substantiate any of her claims. She had to lie in order to get the protection order in the first place. I don't know how she can even legally claim possible stalking. I live three hours away in another state. I have only been to her house since she did this once and she called 911 then. I have been to her Nanny's twice. The day she told me it was over and the one visit I had with my daughter after that a week later. I have made two extra trips to ohio that I was not able to see her. All in a month and a half. Can that really be considered stalking? I don't call more than once a week. I don't email more than twice a week. I have only been in the state 4 times in the last month and a half and I am still her husband and the father of our daughter. I even tried to get help from the police the last time before I came up predicting that she might try something like this. I have remained calm and polite through all of this. Because I am NOT a violent person and I do not have an out of control temper. She used to laugh at her parents and how ridiculous it was to think that I would even be capable of hitting her. Now, somehow she believes them. And it only took them a single afternoon to change everything about her mind. This goes against everything my wife has ever believed in. I know it sounds crazy or like a psyfi movie but they have her brainwashed. Her mom is a psychiatric nurse that is what she does for a living. Under different names of course and with the help of drugs. I know they are all against me. I would never expect any of her family to side with me. They are the only reason she is not siding with me any more. I cashed out my only stock investment to buy her $6,000. wedding and engagement rings. I rented the top half of an old historical mansion for us to live in when we got married. But, that was never enough. Their accusations and attempts to split us up just got worse and worse and after my daughter they tried to use her and convince my wife that if she stayed with me I might do something to her. That was when she had enough and decided for us to move away. But being farther away just made it easier for them because my wife could not cut them off. And being so far away meant it was easier for them to get her to stay the night the weekend and eventually a week. They would always try to get her alone because they knew she would never listen to them if I was there. I am not trying to let my wife off the hook here. But, I know that this is not her and she is a victim too. She just can't see what they've done to her. This is all her parents' doing. But, the question now, is If I already have to go to ohio court to contest this protection order can I still get this in kentucky courts or is it already too late for that? She hasn't even been there long enough to re establish residency. Or does that even matter any more? I am not giving up. My daughter is worth every dollor it takes to fight this. I am selling off everything I had for extra money. The car I'm still paying on so I can't sell it. I don't own a house and I don't have much of my own. I never got much I always spent all of my money on her and the baby. But, I am selling what I can to do this. She had to get loans in the past that always ended up in my name. And she left me with all the bills. I pay $2,000. dollors a month in bills because of her and I only make $2,711 a month for my VA Compensation. I am a disabled veteran. It is very hard to live and come up with lawyer's fees. But, I am doing it. I am NOT EVER giving up on my daughter.

[Littleacres]

She is living with her parents, so it sounds like she is not a legal resident of that state and will have come back to your state for court proceedings. You need to get on the ball with the child custody. You two may not be divorced, but are seperated. Push your lawyer for a child custody agreement. your wife will then be served papers on when she will have to attend court, but you must do this before she does. Don't worry about her, I know this sounds harsh, worring will only slow you down. Do not send her email, unless they are to ask for a visit with your children. save them. save her replies. If you save any recorded messages make sure that they are from the original recording device. If they must be transferred, let your lawyer do this or she could fight that you tampered with it. Get yourself into some parenting courses, it will work in your favor. Get into counselling to better yourself, it will work in your favor. Don't let your emotions get the best of you. I know it's hard. This may sound harsh, but you have to forget about her problems and put yourself first, your needs first. she will find her own way, trust me.
You can not worry about what is on her plate, you have the family between you and your daughter to save. If you get to a point where you feel like giving up, write this forum and get some reassurance that you are doing the right thing,I will personally reassure you,Thats what counsellors, families, friends, etc are good for too. It will give enough strentgh to head the next battle.

[annjd]

I would agree with the advice here...just fyi

[desperatefather]

So this domestic violence civil protection order that I have to contest on the 18th of this month doesn't change anything as far as divorce, custody, or state residence? She called me again last night trying to get me to come and see my daughter so she can have me arrested and invited my mother to come and see her too. I can't believe she is trying to drag my mom in this too. I don't know if she thinks she can have her arrested too or if she just wants her to have to watch me get arrested. It doesn't matter though. Because I am smarter than she thinks and I am not even answering the phone when she calls. I am saving the caller ID entry and the voicemail messages she leaves. If nothing else I figure they will help me show a judge that she is not really afraid of me if she is still calling me after she got the civil protection order. She has no evidence to show that I could or would ever be violent. Because I never have and never will be. My mom thinks that is why she is trying to set me up to be arrested because she has nothing and is trying to build a case against me. But, I'm not falling for it. I didn't think that she was allowed to cantact me either after she got the protection order is she?

[Littleacres]

your right, she is not to contact you if she hae a protection order against you. The only way she can contact you is if she does through a member of the law society, ei.. a lawyer, the police. Saving those messages is a good idea, just remember for them to stand up in court, the messages must be from the original recording device or she may be able to fight that they were tampered with. The protection order has nothing to do with the other cases, well unless she wins and then she can use that proction order against you in family court, still no judge even if you have a protection order against you will not totally deny access to your child. So go and apply for custody now, because thay have to give your wife I think it's like 30-60 days notice for court. Please take a parenting course, this is important!! Do whatever you can to prove to the judge that you have your childs best interest at hand. Apply for a divorce at the same time, it is important that you get the ball rolling now!

[desperatefather]

Ok, apparently she got herself a lawyer and she filed a motion for continuence. I got the call a couple of hours before we were supposed to be there. I don't know what a lawyer could do for her for getting a civil protection order. I am trying to get my lawyer to get on the ball. I was supposed to have divorce papers filed before I went up there, but then he said he would get it drawn up and have it ready for me to sign when I got back. Now he says it was still on his desk and he would get to it. He asked me to give him a few more days and he would have it ready early next week. My new date for the hearing in Ohio for the protection order is Wed. The 26th. Now I'm not sure if I will even have anything started by then. I wanted to have it filed and her to get papers before the hearing. I thought it might help with dropping this as I am not still chasing her and I am not stalking her if I live in another state and have already asked for the divorce. So how could I still be any kind of a threat to her or my daughter? I never was. I think she only got the continuence to keep me away from my daughter as long as possible. This is all so wrong. She waited until the day before the hearing and then got a lawyer. I'm not sure what to do now. It seems too late to try to look for another lawyer as he has already wasted all my time and I don't have any extra money. His fee was non refundable. I am worried about what I am up against in Ohio and hope I can still get everything else in Kentucky courts. Does this waive her residence requirements to be able to file papers sooner? Can a lawyer make a difference with getting a protection order? I can't afford a lawyer in Ohio for myself does that matter since now she has one? She doesn't even have any money, her parents are paying for it. But, they will pay any price to try to make me dissappear.Please give me some advise and reassurance.