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Dad was having sex with a new girlfriend in the same room as our 6yr old son

This is a discussion on Dad was having sex with a new girlfriend in the same room as our 6yr old son within the Child Custody & Support forum, part of the FAMILY LAW, DIVORCE, CUSTODY category; I am wondering my husband and I are seprated- He recently moved into studio flat. He had our 6 year ...

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Old Nov 4th, 2011, 03:26 PM   #1
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Angry Dad was having sex with a new girlfriend in the same room as our 6yr old son

I am wondering my husband and I are seprated- He recently moved into studio flat.

He had our 6 year old son stay with him over the holidays. I found out from our son that his dad had his girlfriend move in and that they are all sharing the same room. While I am glad he has new girlfriend but was horrified to find out that they all slept in same room. My son was told by his father to LIE to me and my family so "daddy" wouldnt get in trouble. He was so afriad to tell me he told school helper when he asked her - what the noises his father and new girlfriend where making (can only be explained as sex noises) I spoke to his father who was rude and self rightous that our son had been asleep and of course they didnt have sex while he was there for the week.... and that our 6 year old son was a liar.

I have told my son he is not in the wrong for telling me the truth now as he was afriad that daddy and I would both be angry at him.

Is there any legal stand on this.???
He has parental rights but our son lives with me full time - we have never had any access arrangements made thru court as I have always incouraged him to see his father as much as possible but on speaking to his dad- I have withdrawn ALL sleeping contact and am tempted to remove all contact until his father realises that tell our son to lie - is not right - at all...
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Old Nov 4th, 2011, 11:05 PM   #2
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Default Re: Dad was having sex with a new girlfriend in the same room as our 6yr old son

I wish to inform you that in matters relating to child custody best interest of child are kept as main consideration. At present as you are having child custody thus you may refuse father to have contact with the child. If father intends to have contact with child then father will have to seek court order where you may argue that father should not e allowed to have child at night because best interest of child are getting affected. All the acts of father may be informed to court.

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Old Nov 5th, 2011, 03:49 PM   #3
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Default Re: Dad was having sex with a new girlfriend in the same room as our 6yr old son

Exposing your son to having sex with his girlfriend in the same room is morally and psychologically abusive to your son. The court that made the custody decree needs to be notified. Yes, daddy SHOULD be in trouble for setting your son up for such a scene. Since he cannot exercise his visitation time with the child without controlling his libidnous urges, he needs to have visitation restricted -- no overnights and supervised.

You may file an action in court to modify visitation and the sooner the better.
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Old Nov 7th, 2011, 07:24 AM   #4
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Default Re: Dad was having sex with a new girlfriend in the same room as our 6yr old son

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I am wondering my husband and I are seprated- He recently moved into studio flat.

He had our 6 year old son stay with him over the holidays. I found out from our son that his dad had his girlfriend move in and that they are all sharing the same room. While I am glad he has new girlfriend but was horrified to find out that they all slept in same room. My son was told by his father to LIE to me and my family so "daddy" wouldnt get in trouble. He was so afriad to tell me he told school helper when he asked her - what the noises his father and new girlfriend where making (can only be explained as sex noises) I spoke to his father who was rude and self rightous that our son had been asleep and of course they didnt have sex while he was there for the week.... and that our 6 year old son was a liar.

I have told my son he is not in the wrong for telling me the truth now as he was afriad that daddy and I would both be angry at him.

Is there any legal stand on this.???
He has parental rights but our son lives with me full time - we have never had any access arrangements made thru court as I have always incouraged him to see his father as much as possible but on speaking to his dad- I have withdrawn ALL sleeping contact and am tempted to remove all contact until his father realises that tell our son to lie - is not right - at all...
Unfortunately, you have received answers that are grounded in emotion and personal opine rather than being based on legal accuracy.

For one thing, you have absolutely no proof whatsoever that the child was subjected to his father having sex in front of him. For another, unless the child was harmed physically or psychologically, there is nothing you can do about what goes on at the father's house.

If the child's father is smart, he will visit court to have his visitation formally set so that you cannot arbitrarily make the rules regarding the child. You must understand that this child is not your sole possession. The father has rights and what you are engaging in currently is called parental alienation.

You do not get the luxury of "removing all contact until his father realises (sic) that tell our son to lie - is not right". That is not the legally wise way to try to get your message across.

It would appear your dramatic reaction is more borne of a bit of jealousy that your ex has a new woman in his life and you are using your (and his) child to punish him for getting over you. For that you would be a better parent if you sought counseling to work on those issues so that you can focus on better parenting instead of using the child to exact jealous revenge on the father.
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Old Nov 7th, 2011, 07:28 AM   #5
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Default Re: Dad was having sex with a new girlfriend in the same room as our 6yr old son

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Exposing your son to having sex with his girlfriend in the same room is morally and psychologically abusive to your son. The court that made the custody decree needs to be notified. Yes, daddy SHOULD be in trouble for setting your son up for such a scene. Since he cannot exercise his visitation time with the child without controlling his libidnous urges, he needs to have visitation restricted -- no overnights and supervised.

You may file an action in court to modify visitation and the sooner the better.
The above response is absolutely grounded in personal reaction and opine and holds no merits in law. The author assumes much and doles out her own slanted point of view without knowing the whole story.

The mother would be remiss to visit court over this. She will appear as vindictive, controlling and engaging in parental alienation. There are no merits to her accusations based on the scant information she's provided her on this forum.
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Old Nov 16th, 2011, 08:35 AM   #6
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Default Re: Dad was having sex with a new girlfriend in the same room as our 6yr old son

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Unfortunately, you have received answers that are grounded in emotion and personal opine rather than being based on legal accuracy.

For one thing, you have absolutely no proof whatsoever that the child was subjected to his father having sex in front of him. For another, unless the child was harmed physically or psychologically, there is nothing you can do about what goes on at the father's house.

If the child's father is smart, he will visit court to have his visitation formally set so that you cannot arbitrarily make the rules regarding the child. You must understand that this child is not your sole possession. The father has rights and what you are engaging in currently is called parental alienation.

You do not get the luxury of "removing all contact until his father realises (sic) that tell our son to lie - is not right". That is not the legally wise way to try to get your message across.

It would appear your dramatic reaction is more borne of a bit of jealousy that your ex has a new woman in his life and you are using your (and his) child to punish him for getting over you. For that you would be a better parent if you sought counseling to work on those issues so that you can focus on better parenting instead of using the child to exact jealous revenge on the father.
I do believe that the mother have no proof whatsoever, BUT, the kid is a 6 year old there are no chances he could lie about something like that! As the mother stated he was afraid and obviously his mind is all confused due to what's going on and what's happening, You have also seen the father's reaction when the mother informed him, have you?

Surely i agree that maybe there is nothing she can do in court and she has no proof but i would not go and blame the innocent kid for lying and blame her for using the kid to revenge on the father, chances are zero that the kid is lying, he is a 6 years old for heaven's sake, don't push!

and Again you have no right to blame the mother of being 'jealous' and trying to revenge the father for having a girlfriend by using her own kid! Because a man is unaware of his child and had sex with his girlfriend in the same room, that proves to you that he is lying and his ex wife is trying to pay back for a girlfriend?! That mother only wants the well-being of her child and being exposed to sexual activity at that age is so very irresponsible, i hope he was wearing a condom because he is no way responsible of having kids and raising them but on the other hand just go wondering looking for ways to pleasure him self.
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Old Nov 16th, 2011, 11:21 AM   #7
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Default Re: Dad was having sex with a new girlfriend in the same room as our 6yr old son

I'm not sure what part of the planet the poster above me lives on, but 6 year old's lie. So saying they're "zero chance" the child is lying" is not only inaccurate, it's nonsense.

It's also unclear where the poster above gets off saying others don't "have the right" to suspect (not accuse) the mother of jealousy when it's evident she is and is using her child as a pawn to exact revenge. Frankly, I have the right to suspect anything I want and nobody here can stop me.

The OP's story doesn't sound true. If it were, why would she be here plastering that type of news all over the internet instead of getting her ass to an attorney? I wouldn't be wasting time on a forum like this telling that kind of woe. I'd be at an attorney's office faster than you could blink.
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Old Nov 16th, 2011, 11:47 PM   #8
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Default Re: Dad was having sex with a new girlfriend in the same room as our 6yr old son

First of all let me remind you that both the parents have equal rights on the child. But in the case of child custody/visitation matters best interest of the child is taken as the main consideration. If the facts are true, for sure the father will be liable for violating the terms of his visitation rights. You may approach the court for revoking the fatherís visitation rights. You may argue before the court that the visitation rights allowed to the father may be revoked in the best interest of the child. But remember you have to adduce cogent and convincing evidence before the court. It is better advised that you may consult with a Family law attorney who can give a proper guidance in this regard.
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Old Nov 17th, 2011, 12:14 AM   #9
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Default Re: Dad was having sex with a new girlfriend in the same room as our 6yr old son

Two things, as discussed above, as certainly true. First, such matters are emotion laden, so hard as it is, we have to temper things with a cool head. Secondly, the best interest of the child is the numbe one concern above all else. So, if it happens again and you have some actual proof, pursue it. Otherwise, explain to the child that nothing was wrong with the noises (reassurance, no one was being hurt, etc.) and stress appropriateness to your former spouse.
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Old Nov 17th, 2011, 12:22 PM   #10
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Two things, as discussed above, as certainly true. First, such matters are emotion laden, so hard as it is, we have to temper things with a cool head. Secondly, the best interest of the child is the numbe one concern above all else. So, if it happens again and you have some actual proof, pursue it. Otherwise, explain to the child that nothing was wrong with the noises (reassurance, no one was being hurt, etc.) and stress appropriateness to your former spouse.
Exactly. The child is not going to be psychologically damaged from this. It's the mother of the child who is bothered at the fact that her ex has moved on with is life.
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