Husband has Ex Parte Order request!

This is a discussion on Husband has Ex Parte Order request! within the Child Custody & Support forum, part of the FAMILY LAW, DIVORCE, CUSTODY category; Here is an interesting "novel" But is very necessary to know the back story. VERY necessary...to present my FULL case. ...

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Old Sep 4th, 2011, 01:15 AM   #1
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Default Husband has Ex Parte Order request!

Here is an interesting "novel" But is very necessary to know the back story. VERY necessary...to present my FULL case. I have to be completely honest...


I have been living in TX for the last 2 years. I lived there for 15 years before husband and me met down there. He was from up north in the mid west. Lived her 3 years and then we moved to the mid west and got married because of a great job. I hated leaving because my entire support system was there and I hate the north with the long winters. But i loved him and wanted him to be happy so I thought I could do it. he promised we would move back one day or somewhere south and in the meantime I could go visit a lot.

that never happened. After 3 years he lost his job and failed at a business of his own. He was out of work for years. We depended TOTALLY on his parents for MI for years. We lost everything in bankruptcy. Liquidated everything and ended up in a cheap town house. I had discovered during the marriage I was Bipolar. He didn't support me getting treatment because he didnot believe it existed. it was all BS and behavior and was just up to the person to snap out of it. Tom Cruise all the way...

On top of the horrible life I had (except for our beloved daughter) I was dealing with this with no support from him. i was shamed for trying to get treatment and meds were just for the weak in his opinion. So most of the time I went untreated and had to stay in denial to deal. But it only gets worse as time goes by. We were on medicaid (even though he was getting enough money with consulting work. If I wanted to get more food or medical insurance I had to apply. he made me do it if I wanted general treatment for anything. The entire marriage I was abused in every way possible. Even economically. I had to ask for every penny, a little bit at a time.

It was bad and we were sleeping in separate bedrooms. i found out by snooping on his computer (after major clues with his behavior) that he was having an affair. It killed me. i told him to end it and he did. But then found out later they had another date. Again he said it was over over over.

so then he said (with no input from me) we were moving up to his parents to stay for awhile to save money. I had no choice. I had been out of the work force for 8 years and had not kept up with any of the secretarial skills I had before. If I moved up there where I had no support if something happened and he wanted to kick me out to be with his mistress I would have nothing.

Then he offered a proposal". I was getting interested in getting training with hair extensions which is a very lucrative market if the market is there. There was nothing in that little town he came from. BUT there was a market from the large city I was from. LA type city. He said we would try an "experiment" how about I moved back down there and try to see if I can make this business work. With no formal education and skills to get a regular job I would be lucky to make $10 an hour where he was wanting to move to. I had a very very good chance on being successful down there.

The "experiment" gave it a temporary sound to it. But the catch was I had to leave our 5 year old with him.

it would be too hard to do all that getting it together with her. So TX had one of the only states that offered free mental health services so it would be a great way to show him "see if I live down here, having my friends and family around and getting healthier mentally, I would certainly make him love me again because if I was the one who changed and it was me who made him have the affair. this is what domestic violence victims think.

I was not allowed to take meds because he believe that was all a joke. No mental illnesses but psychosis or skitzo, you know?

So IF I agreed to this he would finance everything I needed until I got it together. I truly believed that it would KEEP our family together not rip us apart if I moved up there.

So i thought the risk (well no risk because we never been 2 weeks apart at a time)was worth it. He would be so in love with me more and miss me so much that they both would come back. He SENT EVERY LICK OF FURNITURE we had and signed a lease for me.

He had a job that was mobile and worked from home to send reports to the parent company. He could live ANYWHERE he wanted and work. It was entirely plausible. I was convinced. It just was going to happen!

So I went. I got better and better and my business was getting better and really had a chance to be great, I thought any time now. They would come there.

But time went by. Over 6 months went by We stayed in a very loving relationship and became closer atcually. Still had a lot of hope. Still never believed he would let me and our daughter live apart the rest of our lives. NO WAY! Just be patient....

Time went by, still getting along, plenty of visits, calls and video calls. My daughter and I have kept a very very strong bond. Each visit it was so hard to say goodbye. She started begging for them to move here. and begging and then finally said she dod not even care of HE went. She just wanted to go to live with me. I still wanted my marriage to work and get us down her, get some therapy and we would be happier than ever.

It had been a year and a half. Way too late for my to do anything and with him living there and no money what could I do?

He was never abusive to our daughter. He was never abusive to my step son. but he had really abused me in front of all our kids (our youngest does not remember) I had to call the police years ago.

But then it started with our daughter. I saw it and heard all the psyc abuse over and over. I yelled to stop and she started telling me stories about him spanking him so hard, throwing her and instilling fear all the time. He is very scary when angry. VERY scary. I saw torture too. Doing things to her while he laughed. THEN she started telling me that her grandparents were abusing her while he was on business trips. Grandpa slapping her in the face and mentally ill GM verbally abusing her. He did nothing. did not want to lose his meal ticket so no rocking the boat. he goes on trips a lot.

I had it. I knew my marriage would end but I HAD to figure out a way to get away. i took all of her shot records, birth cert out his files so later when I had her I had it to enroll her here.I saw an attorney in May and she told me to wait til the summer when I had her in my possession and not give her back. No order, no requirement. Hire her and we would file emergency juristiction, get a restraining order and get the fight here.

So I waited and had my long visit with her and he was going to come down the last week which was her BD and they would go back. I had to have her father at her BD so I planned it the day after and one day before they were to leave.

I told the atty I did not have the $5000 retainer yet so what do i do? "just don't give her back. No order so no police would get involved. Just let her know when I had the money. He was so violent so I know he would come over and grab her or stalk me and grab her so i went out of town to the beach and made it a little vacation for us. she knew something was up and said "don't send me back, just hide me"

Well he called and called and harassed all my friends to tell him where I was or they were going to be arrested. I still needed some time and found an atty for half of what the other one wanted. I needed a couple of more days. he said stay where I was at and see him as soon as I got back and we would begin the process.

So after 4 days away I went back and would see him the next day. I got served as I got back and he filed in MI.

The complaint said he wanted a RTO for "past child abuse and assault"!!! ME? I never laid a hand on that child! EVER. I an against hitting!

But as far I know it is easy to get those signed so I did not want police involved and them forcing her back. idid not want any drama at all so I let her go back.

I had 28 days to answer or he would get everything, including custody if I did get it up there in MI. He knew and I thought I was screwed. I could not hire an atry up there and do it. I thoght that was it. I would lose it all.

BUT I found an org that would help and got that answer in on the 25th day. Aboutthechildren.org which does not represent you but helps with all the processing and stuff like that. It was all I could do. We have a "Case Management" conference in about 2 months. So long!

Well now he changed and it is on. He lies that she is home when I call and doesn't even answer. I had a hard time with contact.

She told me about more abuse. Him and the GP again. I never called CPS because unless they are BEATEN and burned I did not think this stuff would be enough. But then I finally did and to my surprise they opened a case and made a visit.

they all denied and told them I abandoned her which was NOT all the case. Remember there was CONSTANT contact and visits every 4-6 weeks. Skype and all that!

Well now that he is pissed and we are 2 weeks away from the case closing he has filed for an EX PARTE CUSTODY ORDER!!!

HOW is it irraparable harm with me 1200 miles away??? He is just doing this for tactic and strategic reasons to help gain leverage.

My daughter was interviewed the 2nd day after their visit and I know they manipulated her into not revealing much. They live in a very affluent area and surely NO ONE from there would do such things right??? I doubt they will do much. I don't want her yanked out of there but I need a report that says there is SOME risk to her to help me help her in my case.

I do have a GOOD case with all the evidence of past abuse on me, my oldest daughter, medical records of my PERMANENT injury, he had 57 tardies for her 1st grade. He travels too much leaving her with those abusive people. she is traumatized every time he leaves and still tells me she wants me. I tell her I am trying really hard.

She told me she had $11 from allowance and wanted to help me pay.

BUT NOW with this emergency order and I live here, 1200 miles away. Can he just tell a judge he needs it and even though I am so far an no immediate threat can he just get it because he won the "race to the courthouse"?

I asked for attorneys fees and temp maintenance during this process so hopefully I get at least get some real representation. But I am worried about this order and the fact that he is there and makes $14 K a month and I make $3K

I have no help from any attorneys so for now it is just me, by myself.

Do judges take this irreparable harm with me getting heard seriously? doesn't he have to PROVE I am a danger? He has nothing! I have all the documentation for his being unfit. But will I ever get to get it to the judge? And I cannot let this go on too long because she is taking so much and he is so horrible because he CAN.

Does't he have to provide FACTS and something to really prove she is in such imminent danger???

Aside from "get yourself a lawyer" what do i do? I CANNOT AFFORD A LAWYER.

HELP!





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Old Sep 4th, 2011, 05:02 AM   #2
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Default Re: Husband has Ex Parte Order request!

I wish to inform you that ex party order may be given in the circumstances when you are not appearing in court. In this regard court will decide issue on the matters of facts presented before court. If your views are not presented then court may decide e party as the fact that you are staying 1200 miles away and there is no danger may not come in the knowledge of court. It is necessary that you present your views in court so that court could determine all the facts and decide the matter. You may contact legal aid in your support or may have a lawyer based upon contingency who may recover fees from costs award to successful party in the case.

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Old Sep 4th, 2011, 12:01 PM   #3
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Question Re: Husband has Ex Parte Order request!

I understand what COULD happen and how it works. IN REAL EMERGENCIES.
But wouldn't the judge's first question be "where is the other party?" "Why do you feel there is a danger?" Simply because i am not there it would not be discovered?

There is a code that judges SHOULD follow wth regard to Ex Parte Orders.
www.in.gov/judiciary/jud-qual/docs/adops/1-01.pdf


Indiana had to put together this advisory of the code T.R. 65(B)because of ABUSE to the EP system. Very good read if any of you are dealing with such a thing.

I appears that under code, the judge's SHOULD scrutinize the party's petition.

But I am wondering how often a judge really does that. It is a CRIME if such scrutinization is not done properly.

How NOT could the question on where I am not come up? HOW can I defend myself if I am not even given enough notice to get myself up there?

THAT is what it is about!!!

The advisory stresses the entire petitions are about "irreparable harm if such notice IS given"

His petition is asking for very extraordinary relief. It does not seem right that simply because you are at the courthouse first, you just get simply because you ask.

I have never hurt that child in her life! HE has a CPS case open on him right now. He has not one piece of evidence showing I am any danger at all. It is only a tactical and strategic move to help with this custody case.

The advisory says when there is a dissolution involved or any child custody case pending, then the judge really has to make sure this is damn serious enough to grant!

HOW CAN SOMEONE JUST LIE IN COURT OR ON AN AFFIDAVIT ABOUT SUCH SERIOUS MATTERS WITHOUT GIVING HARD COLD FACTS TO SUPPORT THE ACCUSATIONS?

That seems to be violating my rights if I am just not allowed and no valid reason is given to get such relief.

Anyway, for those of you dealing with an Ex Parte, either you are having your attorney get one or you are the victim, read the advisory. Hopefully I get a fair judge who will demand SUPPORTED facts and my husband will be completely discredited. AND some sanctions brought against them.

But I guess that is in a perfect world....
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Old Sep 5th, 2011, 08:20 AM   #4
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Default Re: Husband has Ex Parte Order request!

Ex parte orders made without the other party present are followed by a full hearing. You may qualify for help from Legal Aid or pro bono help from your state's bar association. You will need to condense the facts for a lawyer to best have the person serve you. Abuse of the children is the strongest case you have for custody with you -- rather than keeping them in the present situation.

A custody investigation needs to be done before any final determination. You will need to present enough of a case, strong enough allegations to influence the court to have one ordered -- rather than just summarily return the children to your husband.


Ex parte orders can be used in some courts to settle such weighty matters as child custody. It will be up to you and your lawyer to convince the judge that the children will be in danger by returning them to the father. If they are old enough, not only will court appointed case workers interview the children, but in some cases the judge as well.

I cannot stress too strongly that you condense your presentation to any attorney and to the court, keeping only to what is relevant, eliminating minor details.
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Old Sep 5th, 2011, 11:34 AM   #5
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Default Re: Husband has Ex Parte Order request!

How long before the full hearing? And can the judge just deny his request for an order based on lack of evidence? Just an affidavit seems insufficient. It would have to be fabricated. Does he even have to be there? Or can the attorney just be there with an affidavit?

This is a county with a city where SERIOUS emergencies occur and hopefully the judge would feel he is wasting her time. i mean I am a small woman, 1200 miles away and he is a large man. I mean they don't always just give it to anyone just because he can get there first and simply ask. i know women can but what about a man? Its absurd!
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