OR Granted leave of remove by UK court, ex intefering!

[chrissic]

Hi

We recently emigrated from the UK to US, we being myself and my two children. We live my parents and are settling in really well.

The children's father/my ex, resides in the UK with his fiancee and her two children. He was abusive to me and my children, enough to cause significant psychological damage to the children resulting in them having counseling to work through their fears/issues. He was a father when it suited him and didn't have a lot of involvement with the children and on two occasions had contact stopped with him because of abuse and child protection issues. He does not pay child support and likes to flash around his 'I-phone and I-pad instead. I financially supported him and my children even when we were married as his earned money was 'his own'. He fails to acknowledge that he has done anything wrong and claims he is the victim because he is 'losing his children'. Although he had little to do with them, he decided that he still wanted to exercise his controlling behaviours when it came to asking permission to take the children out of the country. I therefore had to apply to the court for a 'Leave of Removal Court Order'.

Even after the way he has treated us I have ensured that contact is maintained through various methods via computer and phone and have told him that should he wish to visit, he wouldn't need to worry about the cost of accommodation just his flights and spends. He informed 'his children' that he is having his second holiday this year back in Tenerife, where he stays all inclusive and he will also be visiting his brother in Italy as a holiday. He tells me he cannot afford to come and see his children and that I should be footing some of the cost. I would obviously have considered this had he had made child support payments/maintenance in the past and currently, but he never contributed to my children and was even reluctant to feed them on contact visits!

Before emigration, I secured school placements for the children and also a college course for myself plus a job. He is annoyed that he no longer has any element of control in our lives as he used to have (to abusive levels) and has started intefering and causing trouble. He has been emailing the children's new school principle and demanding that he receives school reports/progress updates from them and is included in decision making etc etc.
MY QUESTION... Does he have a right to do this???? Surely as the court saw me fit to make these decisions and were happy that I satisfied all their criteria with regards to making arrangements for schooling etc, then any updates and reports should come from me and he shouldn't be emailing their school? This has un-nerved the children in that they feel as if they are still 'being watched' by him. I can't find any other information pertaining to this and would appreciate a little help with the answer. Even 7,000 miles away he still manages to cause stress and anxiety!! Grrrrrr!

[AFFA]

I wish to inform you that as the non custodial parent, the father of the children has a right to be informed of the progress of the children in school and can contact the school for the information. The provisions of Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA) and your State laws would apply. It would be prudent for the school to inform you about the requests for information made by the non custodial parent. However, if it is written in a court order that no information is to be provided to the non custodial parent then you may inform the school, accordingly.

AFF

[chrissic]

Thank you for your reply and advice. I'm sure the school will notify me and discuss with me any requests made by him and act accordingly. I don't mind him having the info, I just don't appreciate his underhand ways and sneaky ways of doing things as he can also be quite 'aggressive and unreasonable' in his 'requests' as he was with my children's previous school in the UK. The headmaster there chose not to deal with him and I provided him with any info he needed to know. He was also very underhand in asking the headmaster to write a letter to the court telling them it would be detrimental to remove the children from the school to go abroad...headmaster didn't comply as he thought it would benefit them greatly.

As said, he doesn't bother with them at any other point until decisions like this are made.

Thank you again for your advice

[Friend In Court]

I concur wholeheartedly with AFFA's advice. You should feel free to inform the school authorities of the deleterious effect this man has had on the children which resulted in their needing counseling and that you prefer he not be allowed to contact them at all while at school. Doing so in writing would be wise for it will become a part of their record, available to any new personnel.

[whimsical]

Chrissie, I am a solicitor in the UK, and I have come across leave to remove cases where the mother has moved to another country because of their implacable hostility towards the father. This is devastating to the father, and in the long term, the children also. Let me give you an example of one such recent case. On this case the mother claimed the father never bothered to phone the children twice a week until he knew about the emigration. After paying for 9 months worth of itemised bills going back prior to the leave to remove case, this was shown to be a lie. She also produced a crime reference number, to back up her claim that her ex (my client), had once been arrested for trying to strangle her. When I saw this in the statement I thought oh dear, but my client insisted it was a lie and said she was always abusive towards him. I was very skeptical but true to his word my client applied through the freedom of information act for the full crime report it turned out this woman had physically assaulted my client, biting him and scratching his face. A neighbour had heard noise and called the police (not the wife as she had claimed) but then the police ended up arresting my client to prevent a breach of the peace, because he did not want to press charges and they did not feel they could ask the wife to leave as she was the mother of a 3 year old. They also stated in the report they felt they had to arrest my clients as he repeatedly told them he had no where else to go. There was no mention of an attempted strangulation. The wife had no injuries. There were so many lies in her statement it would take me all day to list them, but when I applied to the court for the case to be thrown out for litigation misconduct, the judge dismissed it. You can lie all you want in a family court. They honestly do not care. As well as all the lies, almost all her emails to him going back over a ten year span were hostile and aggressive, and full of lies regarding him not paying maintenance, or contacting the CSA regarding informing them of new employment. My client was able to prove all of these were lies. He had also had to secure a contact order in the past as she stopped over night contact because he switched from paying her mortgage to making child maintenance payments through the CSA. But she still was granted leave to remove her children to Australia, and even Cafcass stated that the mother saw contact as a nuisance, a view that was reiterated by the Judge. The ex wife was also extremely hostile towards my clients wife. for example when my client went up to tell his children he had got engaged, which was meant to be a surprise, the ex wife found out (because she refused to let the daughter out because she had not tidied her room), and screamed and shouted in front of the children, calling my clients fiancee a ***** and floozy, etc. She had never met the fiancee. But the ex wife was granted leave to remove, as 91% are simply because her children told Cafcass they wanted to go, and the son even went so far as to say if leave to remove was not granted he would cut the father off. My client tried to make the case that his children are scared of the mother due to her rages, but even though the daughter mentioned in her cafcass interview that the mother would get really upset and angry if she did not get leave to remove, when my client asked the Cafcass officer in court (he represented himself in court as he had run out of funds), whether he had explored with the little girl how the mothers anger manifested itself, the answer was no. When leave to remove is granted it is not confirmation that you are right to emigrate. Leave to remove is handed out like sweets in a sweet shop in the UK. So although you may be telling the truth, there is something about the tone you write that reminds me of my clients ex wife, You even use the same phrasing. So please look into yourself and ask yourself are you being honest about your motives for emigration, and if you are not, please get some help, as it will be your children who will suffer in the long term.