What are my chances of winning custody? I am the dad.

[fob505]

I have a six year old boy that I mutually share with my Ex. She has the full custody, gets monthly payments and claims him as dependent on her taxes. I don't want to say she's a bad mother but I honestly can't say she's a good one either. She is 27, I know she smokes pot like the light smoker smokes cigarettes,is a heavy social drinker and I would bet a drug test would show positive for narcotics but is that enough to make a case for custody in the courts that favor mothers?

It is the fact her and her mother share a house together that my son gets the caring that he has. My Ex has a quick mouth and fiery temper. I cannot mention anything or suggest anything without getting her wrath 95% of the time.

I want the best for my son and there are many reasons why it would benefit my son if I had custody. I do not wish to take him away from her but I want the authority the make the important choices for him and also set some ground rules for her conduct and who is allowed to be around my son.

For example, My Ex's cousin has a problematic boy who has violent outbursts and has on occasion been rough with my son. She agreed to not have this boy around but my son has told me a different story.

Another example I found two rounds of 9mm ammo and my son informed me one of his Mom's friend was showing a gun and gave those to my son.

His third, fourth and fifth birthday parties were at his mom's which turned into adult drinking fests. For his sixth I respectfully celebrated separated from being a part of that but had our own. My son hates beer and alcohol due to this behavior at my Ex's home.

And I could go on and on but much of it probably will not hold up in court or be hard to prove.

With the conflicts we have in the past I feel helpless and at her mercy.

I don't know if it matters but my son is aware of the caring that I give him is much better for his welfare. If asked he would choose his dad to be responsible for him.

As of right now I get him Saturday evening through Tuesday or Wednesday morning. I am thankful it's gone this long without legal intervention but I feel as he is getting older this arrangement is becoming very fragile. The last argument we had she threatened to limit my time with him.

Eventually I will get legal help but for right now I am getting as much free info as I can.

I apologize for the poor grammar. English is my second language but I am just looking for insight into my situation.

Feel free to speak your mind. I really need to hear all sides.

[Lexus]

First of all let me remind you that both the parents have equal rights on their children. If the facts are true, for sure you will get the custody of your son. In custody petitions court will consider the best interest of the child. If you could convince the court that the mother is a heavy social drinker, smoker and addiction to drugs, and she is neglecting your son, then the court will consider your request and pass appropriate orders. You have to prove that you are petitioning for the custody in the best interest of the child. It is better advised that you may consult with a Family Law Attorney ASAP, who can give a proper guidance in this regard.

Don't be so quick to believe the statement "if the facts are true, for sure you will get custody". That is far from accurate.

The fact of the matter is, women are looked upon by the courts as goddesses of sort who can do no wrong or who should not be separated from her children regardless of what horrors she's visiting upon her own kids.

You will have to find an attorney who will really fight (most family law attorneys are lazy at best and incompetent at worst) and you'll have to keep after him to do his job.

You have an uphill battle but with perseverance you can win at least in getting joint custody.

[Friend In Court]

Originally Posted by fob505 I have a six year old boy that I mutually share with my Ex. She has the full custody, gets monthly payments and claims him as dependent on her taxes. I don't want to say she's a bad mother but I honestly can't say she's a good one either. She is 27, I know she smokes pot like the light smoker smokes cigarettes,is a heavy social drinker and I would bet a drug test would show positive for narcotics but is that enough to make a case for custody in the courts that favor mothers? It is the fact her and her mother share a house together that my son gets the caring that he has. My Ex has a quick mouth and fiery temper. I cannot mention anything or suggest anything without getting her wrath 95% of the time. I want the best for my son and there are many reasons why it would benefit my son if I had custody. I do not wish to take him away from her but I want the authority the make the important choices for him and also set some ground rules for her conduct and who is allowed to be around my son. For example, My Ex's cousin has a problematic boy who has violent outbursts and has on occasion been rough with my son. She agreed to not have this boy around but my son has told me a different story. Another example I found two rounds of 9mm ammo and my son informed me one of his Mom's friend was showing a gun and gave those to my son. His third, fourth and fifth birthday parties were at his mom's which turned into adult drinking fests. For his sixth I respectfully celebrated separated from being a part of that but had our own. My son hates beer and alcohol due to this behavior at my Ex's home. And I could go on and on but much of it probably will not hold up in court or be hard to prove. With the conflicts we have in the past I feel helpless and at her mercy. I don't know if it matters but my son is aware of the caring that I give him is much better for his welfare. If asked he would choose his dad to be responsible for him. As of right now I get him Saturday evening through Tuesday or Wednesday morning. I am thankful it's gone this long without legal intervention but I feel as he is getting older this arrangement is becoming very fragile. The last argument we had she threatened to limit my time with him. Eventually I will get legal help but for right now I am getting as much free info as I can. I apologize for the poor grammar. English is my second language but I am just looking for insight into my situation. Feel free to speak your mind. I really need to hear all sides.

If you can prove to the court what you recite in this post, the chances are good that custody would be modified. The gun thing is scary! As are your allegations of her drug use.

Thankfully, testing for drugs using hair now is very revealing. Everything one has taken is deposited in the hair and from the growth rate the technicians will be able to tell about when.

You will need legal counsel in order to have a well prepared motion so you are on the right track.

[fob505]

Originally Posted by Unregistered Don't be so quick to believe the statement "if the facts are true, for sure you will get custody". That is far from accurate. The fact of the matter is, women are looked upon by the courts as goddesses of sort who can do no wrong or who should not be separated from her children regardless of what horrors she's visiting upon her own kids. You will have to find an attorney who will really fight (most family law attorneys are lazy at best and incompetent at worst) and you'll have to keep after him to do his job. You have an uphill battle but with perseverance you can win at least in getting joint custody.

You confirm what I think is true. And I am not even sure I can prove anything either except by hidden party video and drug tests. I don't want to have my son testify against his own mom as he would be the only honest witness. Isn't there an age where children get to choose?

She is not addicted to narcotics as Lexus has put it, she's that "party girl" that wont grow up or change her ways. I don't take that lightly either but if I felt she was addicted, I would most certainly have acted much earlier. She still tries to be a good mom or at least what she feels is good enough.

If we settled with joint custody, do i still pay child support?

Originally Posted by Unregistered Don't be so quick to believe the statement "if the facts are true, for sure you will get custody". That is far from accurate. The fact of the matter is, women are looked upon by the courts as goddesses of sort who can do no wrong or who should not be separated from her children regardless of what horrors she's visiting upon her own kids. You will have to find an attorney who will really fight (most family law attorneys are lazy at best and incompetent at worst) and you'll have to keep after him to do his job. You have an uphill battle but with perseverance you can win at least in getting joint custody.

This is completely untrue. It depends SOLELY on the situation and what type of judge you are put in front of. I am currently going through a custody battle with my son and his father who was absent through the pregnancy until the end, then was in his life for about 2 months and disappeared for 3 months. I tried to work things out for our son since I was pregnant but i was constantly bad mouthed and threatened. When he finally contacted me I let him see our son, and the next day i received a call about an emergency hearing claiming i was an alcoholic. He gathered pictures from my (private) Facebook and falsely arranged them stating i was "drinking while pregnant" "always out partying". I have had maybe 5 drinks total since i gave birth. He also has two arrests, a suspended license, disgusting and threatening texts i submitted to the court from the time I was pregnant until my son was 2 months, and unfortunately much more. Somehow the judge made me look like the crazy person keeping my son away from his dad, and he got starting: 2, 8 hour days every week. in 2 months 1 overnight every week plus an 8 hour day. then 2 months from then 2 days every week plus his 8 hour visit. Mind you our son has seen him a hand full of times he is not even 1 yet and i still breastfeed him. So clearly woman are not all treated like goddesses in the court room. Because, I have been a single mom for almost a year, don't drink, don't do drugs, financially support myself and my son, go to school full time, and don't have one red mark on my record.. CLEARLY I was not treated that way and HE still won.


***You should really see a lawyer to find out more information. When I eagerly needed legal advice and didn't have the funds to get a lawyer I found a lawyer who does free legal advice at the local court house. I waited in line at 4am and got in at 7am.
If you cant afford it, look at your local court house and find out if they have anything similar. It's worth the early wake up and long wait.. It's how I got most of my advice until i found the money for a lawyer.
Just know.. You can be put in front of a judge who is more on your side or more on her side.. But ultimately they decide wether its fair or not. And don't go in without a lawyer if she has one.. That's how I got screwed in the beginning.

[Friend In Court]

Originally Posted by fob505 You confirm what I think is true. And I am not even sure I can prove anything either except by hidden party video and drug tests. I don't want to have my son testify against his own mom as he would be the only honest witness. Isn't there an age where children get to choose? She is not addicted to narcotics as Lexus has put it, she's that "party girl" that wont grow up or change her ways. I don't take that lightly either but if I felt she was addicted, I would most certainly have acted much earlier. She still tries to be a good mom or at least what she feels is good enough. If we settled with joint custody, do i still pay child support?

Children are not usually called upon to testify against a parent. When age 14 or so the court may interview them privately about there preferences where to live, and then only take a child's preferences as one factor.

Getting the proof of your allegations is the key to modifying custody. I mentioned hair testing because it is the most accurate means of determining what drugs one has taken and when. Even bleaching and perming hair does not destroy that evidence.

Consultation with a family law attorney in your area will be of the most help for they know the judges, what the judges need to see, how they rule, and what evidence they will need to see to modify custody.

The total expense of raising a child are submitted to the court and each parent pays their proportionate share according to their income. Joint custody means that both parents have legal right to determine the child's upbringing; make medical, school, religious education decisions -- cooperate as if they were still getting along well as a married couple in the welfare of their child. It has no bearing on support. Apportioning residency, however, does. For example the child living half of the time with one parent and half with the other, necessitating each parent provide housing, utilities food, daily costs are shared equally by the parents.

The situation you describe is unhealthy for a child and anyone should share your concerns. But see a lawyer and plan to get the evidence the lawyer needs to modify custody in your favor.

[grim509]

When you file in court, ask for a guardian ad litem. The child will not testify, but what the child reveals to the guardian ad litem can be used. Hidden video would likely not be used, and could put you in trouble for violating privacy laws.

The anonymous poster who rambles on about women being treated so much better in court is a repeat poster in this forum who obviously has an axe to grind and has zero unbiased advice to give. More and more fathers are being granted custody.

Originally Posted by grim509 When you file in court, ask for a guardian ad litem. The child will not testify, but what the child reveals to the guardian ad litem can be used. Hidden video would likely not be used, and could put you in trouble for violating privacy laws. The anonymous poster who rambles on about women being treated so much better in court is a repeat poster in this forum who obviously has an axe to grind and has zero unbiased advice to give. More and more fathers are being granted custody.

Better it be you who rambles on and on huh? If you have a problem with what other people write here, feel free to either ignore their posts or leave. Unless you own the site, put up or shut up. Those are your choices.

[forum_admin]

Originally Posted by Unregistered Better it be you who rambles on and on huh? If you have a problem with what other people write here, feel free to either ignore their posts or leave. Unless you own the site, put up or shut up. Those are your choices.

Please everyone, follow our forum rules and avoid overall rude behavior, threatening other members and name calling.

Thank you!