Harassing ex husband, I do not have the resources for a lawyer.

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Old May 18th, 2011, 08:27 PM   #1
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Confused Harassing ex husband, I do not have the resources for a lawyer.

My husband and I divorced under nasty circumstances. He had been mentally abusive for years and had a track record with other wives for the same thing. He had been physically abusive the day we split up and told me to leave, so I did. He battled me over trying to take our toddler with me and threatened more violence if I didn't get out of his house, so I called a friend to come and get me. Our divorce took almost a year and was brutal. He kept my child from me for months because I refused to give him an address. I was truly scared after hearing testimony of what he did to his ex wives. The judge appointed joint legal custody with him being the custodial parent. Things went ok for a few weeks, but soon turned sour. Now he threatens me over being a week late on child support, says things like he'll have me thrown in jail for arrears, he's going to call social services, he's taking me back to court, he calls me a ***** on a regular basis and my child comes over on visits calling me names like "fat a**" and "mommy's nasty". He will also say things to intimidate me into doing what he wants, and I am so afraid he will keep my child from me, so I do them. There have been worse things said that I can't post in this forum. He also refuses to help with the transportation of our child, even though the parenting time guidelines say other wise, and the final divorce decree states that visits are per the guidelines.

I have never been in trouble and I have kept a steady job, but I have no family or witnesses to back me up on any of this. I know it may sound ridiculous, but it's true.

I do not have the resources for a lawyer, I had to apply for help to get a divorce lawyer.
Is there anything at all I can do about this harassing behavior? After EVERY visit he does this. Please, any advice would be useful.
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Old May 18th, 2011, 10:48 PM   #2
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Default re: Harassing ex husband, I do not have the resources for a lawyer.

Is it possible for you to get some of this behavior on tape? Whether audio or video? You have to get some proof because a your word vs. his is not going to work. You need to get tape. Also you must stay under control and don't do anything emotionally. I know it's hard but you have to remember in the long run a guy like this will shoot himself in the foot. Most of all keep your faith and do what you are supposed to do.

If you are ever in a public place where you have to meet with him get a friend to video tape your interaction without him knowing. You have to be the one who stays level headed so that you continue to provide a stable example for your kid.

Also you have to start doing some soul searching. Why did you marry a person like this. What attracted yourself to someone who has this within him. It's time for you to get answers so you never get involved in a relationship like this again.

No matter what I wish you all the best and I hope things turn out for the best for you and your kid.
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Old May 19th, 2011, 07:04 AM   #3
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Default Re: Harassing ex husband, I do not have the resources for a lawyer.

Being divorced, you are no longer isolated but free to make friends and build a support system. If you do the work, you will be able to get out from under his thumb. My recommendation is that;

(1) You do not deal with him one on one, but have a friend around to witness what he does and says, like when you are picking up the children for visits.

(2) Have a friend around to hear what the children say that had to have come from him, his brainwashing and alienating them against you. Parental alienation is grounds to reverse custody, but there must be the evidence.

(4) Keep a detailed log; dates, times, what was said and done. You will need it for court later on. And if you have other people who have witnessed his actions and words, you will have witnesses,.

(3) Contact your local domestic violence organization for they have support and educational groups you can attend and learn a lot about how to deal with this abusive man. Networking
them you may also be able to find an attorney who will help you pro bono.

With time and some work erasing the memories of abuse, the programming he did to destroy your self confidence, getting the help rebuilding your sense of who you really are and not who he tried to define you, you will be strong enough to fight back. In court to save your children from the psychological abuse he is inflicting on them. Alienating a child from his parent, stealing the love he should have for his parent is considered one of the worst forms of psychological abuse a parent can inflict on a child. Make some supportive friends and you will find your life has turned around and eventually you will be strong enough to turn this situation around, too. Good luck to you.
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Old May 19th, 2011, 08:01 PM   #4
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Default Re: Harassing ex husband, I do not have the resources for a lawyer.

I can't help wonder how it is that he ended up with primary residency of the child and joint legal custody to boot. Judges rarely give that to the father. They generally give primary residency to the mother.

Something just doesn't add up.

The best you can do about the "harassing" behavior is to ignore it as best you can and see your son as much as possible.

Unfortunately, without the financial resources, it's a losing battle to fight him in court over everything he (allegedly) does.
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