Parental Rights and Name Change

[djsteingrubey]

Hello, I'm new to this forum so pardon me for any mistakes. Down to the main question:

I lived in Illinois where my two children were born. It was in Illinois that I have a case against their "father" for child support and health insurance. This was established years ago, and has never been followed through. I have had major health insurance problems with my children in the future, and child support is rarely paid. He gets paid "under the table" so it looks as if he's never had a job. But when times have gotten rough for him and he needed a job, the minute they took child support out of his check, he ended up quitting a month- two months later. Last I checked, he owes between 5-7 grand.

Fast forward to present day: I am now married and just recently had another child. My husband has been with my two children (from previous relationship) going on 3 years. We both have provided health insurance for all three children, regardless of the "deadbeat father" NOT helping out. We have provided everything together for the children and would like to just get rid of the other father's "parental rights". The two children have neither seen nor spoken to their "real" father going on 2 and a half years. Their real father has another child after them and doesn't take care of him either from what I am told. We have no communication what so ever. I initiated a conversation about a year ago asking if he could just sign over rights, regardless of not paying or seeing them he "just cant do it" but would rather cause hardships on us.

May I have any and everyones opinion on this? What my husband I would like to do is terminate his rights so we can put the past behind us and not have this trouble hanging over our shoulders. We would like to get a name change as well. I have considered giving them my maiden name or their stepfather's last name since he has been there since they first started walking. But, on the other hand, I am truly scared that if I start another case, he will try to pursue a chance of seeing them, and I don't know that I could possibly bare the thought. Last I heard was that he lives with his mother (in a one bedroom apartment might I add) because of a lack of taking care of himself properly.

Another attribution to the fact is that my husband and I moved two hours from where my first two children and I previously lived, and I grew up from. We live in Missouri, no longer Illinois. Since my child support case was established in Illinois, does this mean I have to go back home to start this process? Or can it be started here in the county we have lived in for almost 2 years now?

Thanks for all your help!

[grim509]

It all depends on the court orders. Were you married to the father? Was there a custody order or just child support order?

Parental rights just can't be stripped. More than likely, you will have to file in court to get any of the things you wish to do accomplished, and more than likely, you will be denied the ability to "strip his parental rights" and probably the name change as well.

Parental rights can, indeed, be terminated. Every state has guidelines to go by to give a person grounds for it. Please check your state's criterion.

If you and the father of the children were never married, and his rights have never been legally established (either thru an Acknowledgement of Paternity or through family court), you have sole legal custody and he has no parental rights.

What this means is you can change the children's last names if you wish. You need to go to Probate Court to get the forms.

You'd need to provide a bit more detail regarding his legal status/parental rights to give a truly accurate answer, however. One thing is certain - nothing "grim" told you is accurate.

[djsteingrubey]

No. We were never married. He signed an acknowledge of paternity whenever the children were both a day old. But a year afterwards, I was cheated on and only found out because he had gotten the woman pregnant with his third child, from which I spoke to today. He doesnt see that child but once a week and barely helps out. I found my child support forms and made a call and its noted that he owes more than 7 grand. What is the best option to go about all of this without spending a ton of money? Im clueless but I know SO much weight will be over if I can get this accomplished.

When I took him to court for child support and him and I went into the b ack room together, he was asked if he wanted to set up visitation, but he told the lawyer we would deal with it together. Well, it was obviously never dealt with on his behalf.

[QUOTE=djsteingrubey;215043]No. We were never married. He signed an acknowledge of paternity whenever the children were both a day old. But a year afterwards, I was cheated on and only found out because he had gotten the woman pregnant with his third child, from which I spoke to today. He doesnt see that child but once a week and barely helps out. I found my child support forms and made a call and its noted that he owes more than 7 grand. What is the best option to go about all of this without spending a ton of money? Im clueless but I know SO much weight will be over if I can get this accomplished.

When I took him to court for child support and him and I went into the b ack room together, he was asked if he wanted to set up visitation, but he told the lawyer we would deal with it together. Well, it was obviously never dealt with on his behalf.[/QUOTE

Being cheated on has absolutely nothing to do with child custody/visitation/support/name changes. Just stick to the relevant facts please. I realize you're angry but venting all of your stored up emotions would be best done in a counselor's office.

If you pursue child support, you are giving him the window of opportunity to pursue child custody or more visitation than he currently has.

If he signed an A.P., then you are going to have a bit of a battle in getting the children's names changed. You must research your state's criteria for petition to have his parental rights terminated.

Nobody can give you a figure on how much this is going to cost because nobody knows what it's going to cost.

Until you petition to have his rights terminated, there's really nothing you can do. The children's having his last name is not hurting anything. It's just your pent up emotions that are trying to find an outlet. There's no gain in them having anyone else's last name legally.

[djsteingrubey]

Actually you are wrong. Maybe my putting him cheating may be a little too much information, but no, my feelings are not involved at all. There has been no communication for quite some time and that hardens everything. The name change will indefinitely hurt my children in the long run. I would know from personal experience. And if I can keep that from my children, I will feel a lot better. How fair is it to have a man wanting to adopt children and let them have his last name, versus two children whom have done nothing wrong but still have the last name that of which no one (with that last name) has seen them. That's where my feelings come in- my children. When I ask for help this means I have NO clue where to begin. When you say search my state, ok, which one? Where they were born? Where child support was established? Where they live now?

Yes obviously I know filing child support meant opening a window for visitation, which he indefinitely did not want or pursue to care about at the time. Please tell me something I don't already know.

Hint as to the obvious fact. I have two children on a medical card but insurance with both of our jobs is horrible. WHY should my husband get so much money taken out of his paycheck all because some guy wont sign over parental rights or pay up, like he should? But, my husband does it regardless of the situation because he knows what's best for the children, unlike they sperm donor. All I am doing is what's best for everyone's feelings. The name change does hurt whenever you realize two amazing children have a last name with people they have never met. and Yes, when this happened to me when I got older, my feelings were unexplainable and it hurt. It hurt knowing you had a true blood family out there who didn't care a thing for you. My pent up emotions found an outlet years ago. Thanks.

[djsteingrubey]

And what I meant about the medical card was that we lost it due to our "requirements" and because my job doesnt offer insurance because i don't work 40 hours, i still have to get insurance because of the amount of income. Losing their medical cards costs us a couple hundred a month and with this economy, you all know how much they can hurt a family!

Originally Posted by djsteingrubey Actually you are wrong. Maybe my putting him cheating may be a little too much information, but no, my feelings are not involved at all. There has been no communication for quite some time and that hardens everything. The name change will indefinitely hurt my children in the long run. I would know from personal experience. And if I can keep that from my children, I will feel a lot better. How fair is it to have a man wanting to adopt children and let them have his last name, versus two children whom have done nothing wrong but still have the last name that of which no one (with that last name) has seen them. That's where my feelings come in- my children. When I ask for help this means I have NO clue where to begin. When you say search my state, ok, which one? Where they were born? Where child support was established? Where they live now? Yes obviously I know filing child support meant opening a window for visitation, which he indefinitely did not want or pursue to care about at the time. Please tell me something I don't already know. Hint as to the obvious fact. I have two children on a medical card but insurance with both of our jobs is horrible. WHY should my husband get so much money taken out of his paycheck all because some guy wont sign over parental rights or pay up, like he should? But, my husband does it regardless of the situation because he knows what's best for the children, unlike they sperm donor. All I am doing is what's best for everyone's feelings. The name change does hurt whenever you realize two amazing children have a last name with people they have never met. and Yes, when this happened to me when I got older, my feelings were unexplainable and it hurt. It hurt knowing you had a true blood family out there who didn't care a thing for you. My pent up emotions found an outlet years ago. Thanks.

I'm not going to argue with you over whether you're acting on emotional impulses or not. Self awareness is something we all have a blind spot about, so that's left for another day.

Your children's last names are for legal purposes more than the parent's emotional purposes. But that's another kettle of fish altogether.

To reiterate what you'd need to do: You need to research your state's guidelines for terminating parental rights. After that, you can proceed to have another man adopt them, change their name, sell them to the circus, or whatever else you wish to do as a result of having sole legal custody and sole decision making powers.

Good luck to you. Your questions have been sufficiently answered. Nothing further is necessary.

Since there was never a custody order from any county's jurisdiction, you must search the state the children reside in currently.