visitation: not seen father in three years

My child hasn't seen his father in three years. He pays child support (three times a year)but my 15 yr. old hasn't wanted to visit in three years so I haven't made him. I was told by friends that he is old enough to make the decision if he wants to visit or not.

His father threatened to take me to court for contempt but hasn't done anything yet. I won't get in trouble will I? He doesn't want to see his dad. He hates his step mom. He called his father a year ago and told him he didn't want to see him anymore.
Shouldn't that be enough?

His dad has a wife and other kids so they have a happy family already.

He pays child support three times a year, all in one lump sum each time which makes it impossible for me to get help from the state for food stamps or medicaid for my son.

Can anything be done to help this situation or is it a lost cause?

[AFFA]

I wish to inform you that you may apply to court for modification of child custody and visitation. In this regard court considers best interest of child and as child is 15 years of age court will give due consideration to wishes of child. However till the court does not modify fathers right of child visitation existing child visitation will be followed. As child custody is an order from court the person cannot deny to follow it unless child faces some danger or similar other reason.

AFF

Originally Posted by Unregistered My child hasn't seen his father in three years. He pays child support (three times a year)but my 15 yr. old hasn't wanted to visit in three years so I haven't made him. I was told by friends that he is old enough to make the decision if he wants to visit or not. His father threatened to take me to court for contempt but hasn't done anything yet. I won't get in trouble will I? He doesn't want to see his dad. He hates his step mom. He called his father a year ago and told him he didn't want to see him anymore. Shouldn't that be enough? His dad has a wife and other kids so they have a happy family already. He pays child support three times a year, all in one lump sum each time which makes it impossible for me to get help from the state for food stamps or medicaid for my son. Can anything be done to help this situation or is it a lost cause?

untill your son is 18 he has no say in the visistation matter if dad has a court order( and thats exactly what it is, an order not a suggestion) allowing your son to refuse to see his dad can get you hauled into court for contempt, and done enough times, your son will be living with dad and visiting you. you best follow the order, or you could find yourself in hot water.

Originally Posted by Unregistered My child hasn't seen his father in three years. He pays child support (three times a year)but my 15 yr. old hasn't wanted to visit in three years so I haven't made him. I was told by friends that he is old enough to make the decision if he wants to visit or not. His father threatened to take me to court for contempt but hasn't done anything yet. I won't get in trouble will I? He doesn't want to see his dad. He hates his step mom. He called his father a year ago and told him he didn't want to see him anymore. Shouldn't that be enough? His dad has a wife and other kids so they have a happy family already. He pays child support three times a year, all in one lump sum each time which makes it impossible for me to get help from the state for food stamps or medicaid for my son. Can anything be done to help this situation or is it a lost cause?

What have you done to help it? Have you encouraged your son to love and respect his father regardless of the family dynamic? Or have you facilitated in alienating him from his dad? Have you told him his father loves him regardless of his "new and happy family" or have you implied his father doesn't want anything to do with him anymore since finding a new life beyond you?

You can do a lot to help this situation. Firstly, you can try to build the bridge between father and son so that when your son is an adult, he'll have a healthy relationship with not only his father, but you as well.

This is not solely your ex's burden to bear. You share just as equally in the way things have become.

The father may not know that he can take you to court on contempt charges since you don't "force" your son to spend time with his father, per the court order. That is not something you or your child can supersede over a judge's order.

I'd recommend fostering a better relationship between the two, and keeping your own feelings about your ex and his new family out of the equation.

Surely since he doesn't want to go they won't make him go?
I don't usually say bad things about his father or his new family, I try really hard not to.
Bottom line is that he is old enough to make the decision so why should he have to be forced to go somewhere he doesn't want to be?
I know I won't get in trouble. My friend had the same thing happen to her, and she kept her kid away from the father and they don't do anything but keep telling her not to do it again. She's never been in trouble.

Originally Posted by Unregistered Surely since he doesn't want to go they won't make him go? I don't usually say bad things about his father or his new family, I try really hard not to. Bottom line is that he is old enough to make the decision so why should he have to be forced to go somewhere he doesn't want to be? I know I won't get in trouble. My friend had the same thing happen to her, and she kept her kid away from the father and they don't do anything but keep telling her not to do it again. She's never been in trouble.

Surely they will. Children are minors. They don't get to decide. That is why court orders regarding custody and visitation are in place. If you had no intention of abiding by the court order, why did you bother to obtain it?

You "try really hard not to" implies you have, indeed, caused much of the rift between your son and his father. That is bad parenting. Children only have two parents. Both should show respect to the other around the child so the child does not have to choose out of guilt which parent they "like" more or who they want to live with.

"I' know I won't get in trouble". Ah, the calling card of the typical female with a child today. You're a bad parent, plain and simple. You have psychologically damaged your child's mind and emotions. I hope it was worth it.

One case is not like another. "She kept her kid away from the father". You just admitted that is exactly what you've been doing. Shame on you.