Ex Won't Allow Me Vacation Time

I am the father of a wonderful 12 year old daughter. We live in Florida and I have 'shared parental responsibility' with my ex-wife. Her parents live in Virginia and she takes at the very least 4 weeks per year of vacation time.

I have tried to be understanding because I want my daughter to spend time with her family too, but whenever I ask for vacation time she either makes up excuses or just says "I don't think it's a good idea". The problem is, there is no vacation time specified in our court papers at all, so my ex feels that she (being the residential parent) is the judge in all matters regarding visitation.

Do I just need to file for a modification to the original judgement or is there another avenue I should pursue.

I really would have preferred to work this out between my ex and I, but she is not a person you can have an adult conversation with and I feel I have given her the benefit of the doubt long enough.

Originally Posted by Unregistered I am the father of a wonderful 12 year old daughter. We live in Florida and I have 'shared parental responsibility' with my ex-wife. Her parents live in Virginia and she takes at the very least 4 weeks per year of vacation time. I have tried to be understanding because I want my daughter to spend time with her family too, but whenever I ask for vacation time she either makes up excuses or just says "I don't think it's a good idea". The problem is, there is no vacation time specified in our court papers at all, so my ex feels that she (being the residential parent) is the judge in all matters regarding visitation. Do I just need to file for a modification to the original judgement or is there another avenue I should pursue. I really would have preferred to work this out between my ex and I, but she is not a person you can have an adult conversation with and I feel I have given her the benefit of the doubt long enough.

There are many women who feel that they are the judge in all matters regarding custody and visitation.

File a motion in court and ask the judge to specify a vacation schedule. Tell the judge of your ex preventing you from seeing the children when you ask for vacation time.

In dealing with high conflict people like your ex, you must ask the judge to make the child custody order as specific as possible (so that even a 5 year old could read and understand it) so they (the high conflict ex) cannot reinterpret it to mean what she wants it to mean.

What does the custody order state regarding when you are to see the child? How is that worded?

We have the same problem at our house. The ex either plans a big party during my visitation Then tell the kids all about how they are going to miss out on whatever it is she planned and then the kids are calling me to cancel and as many time as I have brought it to the courts attention they have done nothing. This last thanksgiving I did not get my kids because "she made other plans" and I only got to see my kids on Christmas to drop of their gifts because " she didn't not have time to share her time with the kids" even though it is in the divorce that I get thing for half the holidays. When I wanted to take the children on vacation she convinced the children that we were kidnapping them and running off with them and they would never see her again. This cost me $2000.00 to answer in court and ended up with a temp order loosing most of my weekday visitation that has yet to be reversed. I have been an officer of the law for over 20 year and feel that I have brought justice to hundreds of people over the years yet can't find any for myself

Originally Posted by Unregistered We have the same problem at our house. The ex either plans a big party during my visitation Then tell the kids all about how they are going to miss out on whatever it is she planned and then the kids are calling me to cancel and as many time as I have brought it to the courts attention they have done nothing. This last thanksgiving I did not get my kids because "she made other plans" and I only got to see my kids on Christmas to drop of their gifts because " she didn't not have time to share her time with the kids" even though it is in the divorce that I get thing for half the holidays. When I wanted to take the children on vacation she convinced the children that we were kidnapping them and running off with them and they would never see her again. This cost me $2000.00 to answer in court and ended up with a temp order loosing most of my weekday visitation that has yet to be reversed. I have been an officer of the law for over 20 year and feel that I have brought justice to hundreds of people over the years yet can't find any for myself

First, thank you for your service as a police officer. Second, you need to document EVERYTHING. Give her enough rope to hang herself. My ex tried the same garbage with me and I documented everything for a little over a year and took her back to court. She was found in contempt and the judge was all over her for being so selfish! Believe me, she has never messed with me with my visitation or vacation again because she has no desire to go back in front of the judge. Good luck!

No need to thank me I love helping people... I have been documenting everything... I even talked about how her boy friend made my 12 year old daughter drink out of the dog water dish and had 14 year old boys sleeping in my 14 year old daughters bed room. Nothing was done. I have never felt so helpless.

[amatua]

I have a similar situation, but I am the custodial parent. I was under the impression vacation time was meant for exactly that - that if either one of us was planning to go on vacation we have a week to do so. My sons farther is requesting his "vacation time" to have my son just stay a week with him at home, in which he will miss out on a week of football practice to stay at home and do nothing. Am I wrong for denying him his "vacation time"?

[Friend In Court]

Originally Posted by amatua I have a similar situation, but I am the custodial parent. I was under the impression vacation time was meant for exactly that - that if either one of us was planning to go on vacation we have a week to do so. My sons farther is requesting his "vacation time" to have my son just stay a week with him at home, in which he will miss out on a week of football practice to stay at home and do nothing. Am I wrong for denying him his "vacation time"?

Yes, you are totally in the wrong for denying your son the chance to spend a week with his father. Football is not eveyrthing, as Penn State has learned. Do not book up your son's entire summer so he does not have time to spend with his father -- a relationship that lasts a lifetime - and is built now, either on solid bricks of trust and love -- or upon cinders.

You should have a parenting plan where the vacation weeks are to be designated long enough in advance, e.g. several months, if known.

You son can practice football any time. Let him spend the week with his father.

[sandyclaus]

Originally Posted by amatua I have a similar situation, but I am the custodial parent. I was under the impression vacation time was meant for exactly that - that if either one of us was planning to go on vacation we have a week to do so. My sons farther is requesting his "vacation time" to have my son just stay a week with him at home, in which he will miss out on a week of football practice to stay at home and do nothing. Am I wrong for denying him his "vacation time"?

You are absolutely WRONG.

You do not get to dictate how Dad chooses to spend his court-ordered vacation time with his child.

Deny him that time, and you'll likely find yourself on the losing end of a contempt petition that Dad may be filing against you.