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Heroin addict and the way you obtained the information about drug usage

This is a discussion on Heroin addict and the way you obtained the information about drug usage within the Child Custody & Support forum, part of the FAMILY LAW, DIVORCE, CUSTODY category; Let's SAY... That you are the father of a child. The mother has never let you have visitation without her ...

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Old Jan 5th, 2011, 08:54 PM   #1
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Exclamation Heroin addict and the way you obtained the information about drug usage

Let's SAY...

That you are the father of a child. The mother has never let you have visitation without her around...for reasons such as "she will cry if I'm not there. you haven't proved you can take care of her. I'm not comfortable with her riding in a car with anyone if im not there" etc. etc.

Due to financial reasons you haven't been able to afford a lawyer as such. You tried visiting with child once a week for months with mother there, but she is volatile and impossible to deal with...i.e. tells you that you are not allowed to refer to yourself as "Dad" to the child, b/c her new boyfriend is "Dad" and if you do so...you will not be allowed to see her anymore.

etc. etc.

Eventually you give up on "visiting" and start trying to save for a lawyer, but again, finances are hard to come by...so a year goes by without seeing the child.

THEN...you find out that the mother's boyfriend has been a heroin addict for ten + years, and continues to use it on a regular basis. You see that he has totaled their Ford Explorer, The child has cut a huge chunk of hair from her head all on her own. BF also uses oxycotton, percosets, xanax, cocain, smokes weed, is a raging alcoholic...(where does he find the time??) and both bf and mother are "swingers" and have frequent orgies and things of that nature. Let's say you don't do any drugs what so ever-lead a fairly upstanding life, have two other children that live with you full time and you take the very best care of.

Bf and mother have 4 kids- 2 part time boys from the bf, your daughter, and a baby on the way between the two of them.

But here's the kicker. The way you obtained this information about the drug usage and swinging and what not was not exactly on the "up and up" and may have involved some hacking...having seen these things in their own words, you know it's true...but you don't know how to go about proving it without getting yourself into trouble...and don't know if it's substantial proof of such goings on.

However, now having this information you are concerned about the welfare of your child, obviously.

What do you do???
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Old Jan 6th, 2011, 01:08 AM   #2
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Default re: Heroin addict and the way you obtained the information about drug usage

First of all let me tell you both husband and wife has got equal rights on their child/children. From the facts it could understand that the mother is not cared to take care of the child. You have not mentioned whether they were divorced or not, whether the wife got child custody order? If the answer is no then the husband can file a petition for divorce stating all these facts. Similarly the husband can also file a petition for child custody. In that child custody petition the husband should highlight the fact that the welfare of the child will be good at his end. He should collect all possible evidence against the child's mother.Give evidence to the effect that her BF is a habitual drug addict.Remember court will always give priority for the interest of the child.So if the facts are true for sure the court will allow husband's child custody petition. But at the same time the husband has to satisfy the court that he has got enough means to take care the child. If the husband cannot afford a lawyer ,then he can contact with his County Bar Association and after hearing him they will arrange an Attorney or he can apply to the court stating that he want the help of an Attorney, Court will consider his petition and provide an Attorney's service to him.

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Old Jan 6th, 2011, 10:03 AM   #3
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Default Re: Heroin addict and the way you obtained the information about drug usage

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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Let's SAY...

That you are the father of a child. The mother has never let you have visitation without her around...for reasons such as "she will cry if I'm not there. you haven't proved you can take care of her. I'm not comfortable with her riding in a car with anyone if im not there" etc. etc.

Due to financial reasons you haven't been able to afford a lawyer as such. You tried visiting with child once a week for months with mother there, but she is volatile and impossible to deal with...i.e. tells you that you are not allowed to refer to yourself as "Dad" to the child, b/c her new boyfriend is "Dad" and if you do so...you will not be allowed to see her anymore.

etc. etc.

Eventually you give up on "visiting" and start trying to save for a lawyer, but again, finances are hard to come by...so a year goes by without seeing the child.

THEN...you find out that the mother's boyfriend has been a heroin addict for ten + years, and continues to use it on a regular basis. You see that he has totaled their Ford Explorer, The child has cut a huge chunk of hair from her head all on her own. BF also uses oxycotton, percosets, xanax, cocain, smokes weed, is a raging alcoholic...(where does he find the time??) and both bf and mother are "swingers" and have frequent orgies and things of that nature. Let's say you don't do any drugs what so ever-lead a fairly upstanding life, have two other children that live with you full time and you take the very best care of.

Bf and mother have 4 kids- 2 part time boys from the bf, your daughter, and a baby on the way between the two of them.

But here's the kicker. The way you obtained this information about the drug usage and swinging and what not was not exactly on the "up and up" and may have involved some hacking...having seen these things in their own words, you know it's true...but you don't know how to go about proving it without getting yourself into trouble...and don't know if it's substantial proof of such goings on.

However, now having this information you are concerned about the welfare of your child, obviously.

What do you do???
You don't need an attorney to petition the court for custody. But let's back up a bit.

Firstly, you are guilty of doing the same thing many men do....sitting back and allowing the woman to dictate your roll in your own child's life. You are dealing with a High Conflict Personality. (probably Borderline Personality Disorder). You must not bend to her outrageous and histrionic demands.

Secondly, is your name on the child's birth certificate as the child's legal father? Did you sign an acknowledgment of paternity? (I'm assuming you weren't married to this woman and the child was not born in wedlock).

Before any further advice can be offered, you must provide answers to the questions above.
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Old Jan 6th, 2011, 11:46 AM   #4
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Default Re: Heroin addict and the way you obtained the information about drug usage

yes...born out of wedlock. She actually "happened" to get pregnant 2 months after we split up...b/c she all the sudden couldn't afford birth control...(and decided not to tell me) I started dating someone younger, thinner, and better looking...and of course THEN the problems began. (first, my gf wasn't allowed around our daughter-then me)


yes, i was there for her birth and signed the affidavit.


"supervised visits" went on for 3 yrs. before i gave up on "we'll see" (when i can have her without mother around) no contact for one year


I was considering filing pro se' for visitation but mother comes from a rich background-millionaire parents who have given her and bf a house, bought them 2 cars, pay all of their bills...etc. etc. so i'm concerned about my NEED for a lawyer, and potentially a damn good one.
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