My Son lives in another state (visitation rights, paternity test)

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Old Aug 6th, 2010, 01:17 AM   #1
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Default My Son lives in another state (visitation rights, paternity test)

Hello ,

I am living in another state as my child. The Mother and I have never been together and we always agreed we would do this fair. Since he was born I have sent money every Month and flown to visit him multiple times. I don't have a great job and enrolled back in school but still manage to come up with $350-$500 a month PLUS I purchase other items he needs. She has said that the money isn't good enough and the few times I am/was able to go down there she had told me I am lucky for my situation and how "good I have it" compared to others she knows. I have tried to go see him but been told he is "booked" for months without an answer to what my own child is up to. I have no problem with her but when I try and speak my two cents it turns into me supposedly giving out false accusations (defending myself and wanting to know what my child is up to)

I hold no negative feelings towards her and have wanted to remain civil but now I don't know what to do. It is really painful and impossible at the moment to move down to Oklahoma where my child is. I am in NJ and she just tells me with no reason that "he is not coming to NJ anytime soon" after telling my family she will bring him. The only responses I usually get are when he needs something. I am unsure if I have any rights or even if it would be possible to get my Son here or to be able to spend ANY Holidays with him. He is 16 month's old now and so far Fathers Day (half the day) I was able to spend with my Son. I love him and since day one I have wanted nothing more to be in his life and what seems like a personal grudge against me has prevented it but I always wanted to keep the peace so I never reached out for legal advice. I am not on the birth certificate and don't even know really anything about this so I am looking for some help in what seems to be a matter that has turned into nothing but a nightmare for this side of the family. Any help would be greatly appreciated

Thanks ,
Dominic
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Old Aug 6th, 2010, 06:01 AM   #2
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Default re: My Son lives in another state (visitation rights, paternity test)

I wish to inform you that you can have visitation rights from court. In this regard, you will first have to prove paternity and after this you may exercise your father's rights. You can take permission from court and can have paternity tests. After this you may be granted child visitation. The court considers the best interest of child as main consideration and you may argue that best interest of child is when child grows in love and care of both the parents. The court will consider all the facts and decide the matter keeping in consideration the best interests of the child. The court of jurisdiction in this matter is the court of Oklahoma where the child resides.

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Old Aug 6th, 2010, 06:54 AM   #3
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All I can say is go get those papers from the court and fight to see him. The mother doesn't know how nice she has it. I live in South Africa and have a ten year old son, the father lives in Kentucky and boy oh boy I just can not get him to support his child. He has made it clear that there is no way I can get him to pay unless I fly down to Kentucky which is impossible financially for me to do. So be proud of what you have done for your son and keep it up. Trust me when your child reach the age that mine is now he is gonna wanna know why his father is not sending any kind of support and why he has never seen his dad. Good luck, I hope you get the time you deserve with your child.
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Old Aug 6th, 2010, 08:27 AM   #4
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Default re: My Son lives in another state (visitation rights, paternity test)

Thanks for all your input.

She does let me see him but only really when it is sort of convenient for her and not every Month. I would LOVE to move down there but since he was born I have enrolled in College around here and trying to get on my feet so I can give him everything he wants. I am living with my Parent's now to save so I can send her what she ask's for plus I have to pay for school and my flight's down there which is getting really expensive and impossible for me to do every Month.

So basically for him to come to where I am would she have to agree on it or is this something I can ask for in the court? He is only 16 month's old. I wish things were different but this is how it is for now and it is such a shame he can't get the time with me just because i can't afford to do everything right now. I think some costs should be split for when I see him.
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Old Aug 6th, 2010, 09:18 AM   #5
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Default re: My Son lives in another state (visitation rights, paternity test)

Bad news. since you are not on birth certificate I will assume you have not signed birth acknowledgment either! This means you are "not" the child's "legal Father" and therefore have "no rights" You cannot visit with Mom's consent since you are nothng but a "legal stranger" to child. On other hand it also means you do not have to pay her a dime! It also means all the monies you gave her ar enothing short of a "gift" and she could seek back child support once you are established as Father. Your first action is to seek court ordered paternity test. Until then you pay her nothing and she can refuse any visitation
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