Shared custody: Does my custodial status give me any power?

[morgan441]

Hi,
This is a bit confusing, Divorce took place in Flordia. I, according to unchanged Div. decree, have custodial rights to both children although my son is living in Florida currently with his father for over a year. I, and dtr, live in VT. I felt he needed his father while going through puberty. It's not working out.
My son told me he wanted to come home. After multiple ignored phone calls, I began to drive to Florida to pick him up myself. I got a hold of my son finally when I reached Va. He agreed he wanted to come home. His father got on the phone and mentally broke down stating "he might as well go kill himself then." My son called me back five mins later and said he wanted to stay. I feel he is there only because he feels his father will lose it if he doesn't. He needs help as he was troubled when he went down. Can i bring this up at a child support hearing coming up on the 8th of June? Does my custodial status give me any power?

Father is more concerned about himself and not our son. He has not confronted him about the Va situation to make sure that is what he really wants, and he isn't cooperating with me when i sent for a plane ticket to visit, because he knows deep inside that our son will want to stay with me. I need to know if i can bring this problem up at the child support hearing, as it will make a difference in the outcome if he comes home with me. His father has stated he would get him help of a pyscologist type since he went there, i've been pushing since Jan of this year, with excuse after excuse. My son has had behaviroal problems in school and my ex still does not have him set up with some type of help for the poor boy. I'm worried and I don't know where my power in this lies to help him.

[AFFA]

I wish to inform you that as per the court order, you have the custodial right to both the children and as per the court order your son can stay with you. However, your son is presently with his father as you felt that it may be better for your son. This is with your permission. Now, it is your feeling that it may be better for your son to return and stay with you. You have also stated that your son may need counselling due to his behavior in school and father is not providing it. You may bring up all these matters at the child support hearing. You may also try mediation to seek a solution with the father of the child. Both your son and daughter must as far as possible be brought up under the care of both the parents. The court will consider the best interest of your children and decide the matter.

AFF

This moron is using guilt trips to keep your son with him. No good parent would pull a stunt like that.

Go get your son. You have legal custody of him and he should not be living with such an unstable parent.

When your court dates arrives, inform the judge of your ex's highly unstable mental well being and ask that only supervised visitation be ordered.

To place such a heavy burden on your son is reprehensible of your ex to do. He should not be parenting anyone. He can't even take proper care of himself.

You do have all the legal rights, and you can go pick your son up. I would recommend you take your court order with you in case you have to involve the police.

[morgan441]

Thank you for your replies, I so appreicate it. Now it gets a bit more complicated.

Ok, so the court did not aknowlege my plea for help. I wrote a 2 and a half page overview of what was going on, that my son may be manipulated and has been subjected to additional emotional pain due to his fathers actions.
They did not aknowledge my written statement in any way shape or form. What the heck happened?
Please help, I don't know what to do.

This is the warped and illogical way the court system works. If you present clear evidence that the child is in a a dangerous or an unhealthy situation, judges sit there and rub their hands together in glee because this means the child will keep him and the entire legal system in jobs for years to come as a result of being psychologically damaged.

Contrary to what some people believe the best interest of the child is NOT the main factor in determining custody/visitation, or anything else related to family court matters.

You wrote in a fashion that was misinterpreted by the court as you trying to alienate the child from his father. Now that is not to say that is actually what you were doing. Obviously you are a concerned parent trying to protect your child. But courts LOVE it when one parent has a problem with the other. It allows them to make criminal-like decisions about the situation, which in turn makes the predicament for the child even worse.

Incidentally, did you go get your son and bring him home? Did you take the advice offered and take your court order with you to prove your legal status as his custodian when you went to pick him up?

First you can't jusst send the court a letter. You must file motions, supply affidavits and such. Your ex had the right to respond. If you have an Order already stating the child resides with you then you can enforce that order. It's not as simple as going and getting your son in most cases.

I think you have Joint Custody and an Order that says your daughter lives with you and your son lives with his father? Is that correct? Any time you are concerned about the mental or physical safety of your child, as a parent you must contact the local Child Services Department and make a report. They will investigate, talk to the child, his father and teachers. If they determine the child is not safe or your ex is not stable then they will make a report to the court asking that your child be removed from his care.

This report if they find an issue will carry weight with the court and will go a long way to protecting your children in the future and will ensure your ex gets help before he sees the chilrden again.

Read your court order, talk to a lawyer, contact children's services and tell them about your ex's threats to kill himself. If your son tells them it's not true then you will most likely not get the court to listen to you. If you file a motion to have your child returned to you or to change the order so that he now lives with you ask that a children's lawyer is appointed to represent your child. They will do thier own investigation and make thier own report to the court.

My ex did something similar and my daughter would not tell the social worker her dad said he would kill himself if she left. The social worker said that there was nothing to support my claim and did not make her come home. We went to court and the judge said he would not force her back if she didn't want to leave her father, despite it was only to keep him from killing himself (I had no proof), I was granted time with my child and after about 6 months of visits she felt safe enough to talk to the social workers and now lives with me.

Get Social services involved, you must make sure he doesn't hurt your child if he decides to kill himself.

Originally Posted by Unregistered First you can't jusst send the court a letter. You must file motions, supply affidavits and such. Your ex had the right to respond. If you have an Order already stating the child resides with you then you can enforce that order. It's not as simple as going and getting your son in most cases. I think you have Joint Custody and an Order that says your daughter lives with you and your son lives with his father? Is that correct? Any time you are concerned about the mental or physical safety of your child, as a parent you must contact the local Child Services Department and make a report. They will investigate, talk to the child, his father and teachers. If they determine the child is not safe or your ex is not stable then they will make a report to the court asking that your child be removed from his care. This report if they find an issue will carry weight with the court and will go a long way to protecting your children in the future and will ensure your ex gets help before he sees the chilrden again. Read your court order, talk to a lawyer, contact children's services and tell them about your ex's threats to kill himself. If your son tells them it's not true then you will most likely not get the court to listen to you. If you file a motion to have your child returned to you or to change the order so that he now lives with you ask that a children's lawyer is appointed to represent your child. They will do thier own investigation and make thier own report to the court. My ex did something similar and my daughter would not tell the social worker her dad said he would kill himself if she left. The social worker said that there was nothing to support my claim and did not make her come home. We went to court and the judge said he would not force her back if she didn't want to leave her father, despite it was only to keep him from killing himself (I had no proof), I was granted time with my child and after about 6 months of visits she felt safe enough to talk to the social workers and now lives with me. Get Social services involved, you must make sure he doesn't hurt your child if he decides to kill himself.

Hi thank you so much!
We have shared custody but I am still custodial parent for BOTH children, by law, according to our unchanged divorce decree established in 2003. I've had both children all their life (with the exception of this one year and a half) I sent him there to foster a relationship with dad because he was suffering from abandonment issues terribly, among other things.
He is supposed to send him up here for "summer visit" on the 21st. This would be the easiest way to deal with things, so i'm waiting to see if he follows through. If he does, I will simply not allow him to go back. This seems the best way to do things with the least amount of negativity for my son.

I just met with a couselor, working with my daughter - who also worked with my son when he was up here and in gradeschool. She knows him and knows that he needed and still needs extra couseling. She is going to write me a letter to help me in this case. Thank God for her!

RE the motions... lol i have learned this the hard way. LOL I have downloaded several forms for filing motions, one of which is emergency child pick up.....should he not follow through with sending him up here. another is to change juristiction to VT. Since i am still cusodial parent, i shouldn't have too much problem keeping him here in VT, right?
Wouldn't it be up to him to go to court to try and make me send him back? in which case I will already be filing motions to log what has happened, or shall I say what his failures have been the last year and a half.
Upon his arrival to VT, i will at some point have a nice heart to heart with my son and really get to the bottom of his feeling and desires. I will eventually get to the bottom of how he truely feels.

Hopefully this will just be a matter of simply keeping him here when he comes up. Say a prayer for me please. I appreicate your response and active concern for my case. I can't tell you how it's helped me.
You've got a friend for life in me. thank you so much
what do you think will happen once i "keep" him here?

[tinkster44]

You cant just write letters to the court, you must file motions, and or Petitions and then you must have them served on the other party. This begins a court case. How old is your son? If he is a teenager, the judge will take his preferences into account, however, I understand what you are saying about his dad possibly manipulating him. Did you officially change custody of your son? Did you give the dad permission to keep him? If not, I would notify him that he is to send your son home or he is in violation of your Court Order.