SC-Custody, *horrible* mother

My husband's ex-wife and himself have joint custody (they just went to court a few months ago, after a 3 yr drag out, due to her). He has primary placement. The kids go to her (technically) 3 weekends a month. Although, there are always "battles" for that to happen. She doesn't have food, or has to work, or whatever...always some drama.
About 6 weeks ago, (she has a son by another man; after the divorce) she had her son (spliting joint custody with the father one week on, then he has a week, and so on). She turned over the child for the week, as usual but he was incoherent and the gmother took him to the hospital bc the father was at work when the child was turned over. He was drug tested and positive for benzos and pot. There was an immediate order of prot. placed against her and the father remains with emergency custody right now. The apartment was disgusting, she used moldy bottles. Claims to admit smoking pot but denies giving him any pills. She says that she just "didnt' know how to clean her apt". When i say disgusting: there are moldy bottles all over (he usually picks up and messes with), dirty diapers, dirty and clean clothes EVERYWHERE, dirty dishes, etc etc etc. There are 2 girls in my house, what about them? How do we provide their safety? Does the order of protection protect them until we go to court?
Btw: we are filing for full custody and no visitation or ONLY supervised visits like once a month?! We feel we have no choice. She is the no. 1 suspect in the arson investigation for her and my husbands' old house in tn. Case can't be proven. She has had d.s.s. called on her several times. She has upset people, lived with crackheads, and has random people watch the kids or leaves them at home alone at the ages of 5, 11, and 1. What can we do? D.s.s. hasn't been in touch with us and thank God I am in contact with the paternal grandmother or I would have no idea what was going on.
Since the confusion of what our "rights" were to deny her visitation while the invest. is open; we have stated she can't take them over to the apt., but she picks them up for a few hours each sunday. Recently (a few days ago) She had a long conversation with the kids, and said she was fighting custody of the girls.She also stated she wants to move them to oklahoma whether she wins or not. So, what are our rights to ensure the safety of the kids and THEIR well-being? We are looking for a lawyer, but personally is there anything else?
We have numerous reports on this woman for harassment, abuse, lying about the children, there are pictures of how horrible the apartment was, there are the reports of child abuse, she's been arrested for trespassing on my property and disturbing the peace. What is the next step? & what are our chances?

[130smartchick]

First, there is no "we". There's two parties - mom and dad. Everyone else is a legal stranger.

Dad has no right to change or put conditions on mom's visitation without a court order. Mom can sue him for contempt.

Much of what you bring up, child services will ignore. In an apartment where the entire floor was ankle deep in clothes, the crib was full of dirty laundry, baby bottles were pulled out from under furniture after who knows how long and simply re-filled and the baby was strapped into the car seat 24/7, cps did nothing. Because it's a house-cleaning issue, mold and all, and frankly their bar for interference is set much higher.

Much of the rest of your post is hearsay, rumor, and perhaps just plain gossip.

Of course the really *big* question here is, if mom's place is so hazardous to her kids health why hasn't dad filed a motion of his own before whatever the situation is with her son came to light? What happened when dad called CPS because mom was leaving his kids with "random people" or in an unsupervised situation, while presumably these "crackheads" were around?

Originally Posted by mas2010 My husband's ex-wife and himself have joint custody (they just went to court a few months ago, after a 3 yr drag out, due to her). He has primary placement. The kids go to her (technically) 3 weekends a month. Although, there are always "battles" for that to happen. She doesn't have food, or has to work, or whatever...always some drama. About 6 weeks ago, (she has a son by another man; after the divorce) she had her son (spliting joint custody with the father one week on, then he has a week, and so on). She turned over the child for the week, as usual but he was incoherent and the gmother took him to the hospital bc the father was at work when the child was turned over. He was drug tested and positive for benzos and pot. There was an immediate order of prot. placed against her and the father remains with emergency custody right now. The apartment was disgusting, she used moldy bottles. Claims to admit smoking pot but denies giving him any pills. She says that she just "didnt' know how to clean her apt". When i say disgusting: there are moldy bottles all over (he usually picks up and messes with), dirty diapers, dirty and clean clothes EVERYWHERE, dirty dishes, etc etc etc. There are 2 girls in my house, what about them? How do we provide their safety? Does the order of protection protect them until we go to court? Btw: we are filing for full custody and no visitation or ONLY supervised visits like once a month?! We feel we have no choice. She is the no. 1 suspect in the arson investigation for her and my husbands' old house in tn. Case can't be proven. She has had d.s.s. called on her several times. She has upset people, lived with crackheads, and has random people watch the kids or leaves them at home alone at the ages of 5, 11, and 1. What can we do? D.s.s. hasn't been in touch with us and thank God I am in contact with the paternal grandmother or I would have no idea what was going on. Since the confusion of what our "rights" were to deny her visitation while the invest. is open; we have stated she can't take them over to the apt., but she picks them up for a few hours each sunday. Recently (a few days ago) She had a long conversation with the kids, and said she was fighting custody of the girls.She also stated she wants to move them to oklahoma whether she wins or not. So, what are our rights to ensure the safety of the kids and THEIR well-being? We are looking for a lawyer, but personally is there anything else? We have numerous reports on this woman for harassment, abuse, lying about the children, there are pictures of how horrible the apartment was, there are the reports of child abuse, she's been arrested for trespassing on my property and disturbing the peace. What is the next step? & what are our chances?

OUR chances are zero. you as the stepmpther has no standing in this, or any other matter concerning your husband's kids-you are a legal stranger, not mom. this is dad's issue to deal with.

You people really need to stop with this "there is no we"
No kidding she has no legal rights but she is standing by her husband and those kids are apart of her life as well. Seriously, if you can't offer any advice keep your comments to yourself...how many post can you answer with "there is no we, you are a legal stranger." Yeah no kidding.

I agree. Unfortunately, especially for one person in particular who even goes back YEARS looking for posts to respond to in such a manner (hint, the poster directly above yours), these people have no self control to refrain. They use this forum as their personal therapy session.

It's too bad this forum is not more closely monitored and structured a bit more professionally. For instance, close threads that have gone stale and are over 6 months old. That would be a huge beginning.

People come here looking for advice. Being told by sanctimonious people that they are overstepping their boundaries is a good insightful look at where those responders are in their own lives. Ignore their "advice". It's not advice at all. It's pure drivel.

Originally Posted by Unregistered I agree. Unfortunately, especially for one person in particular who even goes back YEARS looking for posts to respond to in such a manner (hint, the poster directly above yours), these people have no self control to refrain. They use this forum as their personal therapy session. It's too bad this forum is not more closely monitored and structured a bit more professionally. For instance, close threads that have gone stale and are over 6 months old. That would be a huge beginning. People come here looking for advice. Being told by sanctimonious people that they are overstepping their boundaries is a good insightful look at where those responders are in their own lives. Ignore their "advice". It's not advice at all. It's pure drivel.

they wouldnt respond this way if mom or dad's significat other would know there place, instead of thinking they have a right to get involved in things that dont concern them. let these people think they have say in anyhting regarding their partners child/ren, and see how fast they get ripped one by the judge for sticking their noses where they dont belong.

You're the poster most guilty of handing out "know your place" offerings. How many times before you finally get it out of your system? Stop. It's not helping anybody. These people know their place, but perhaps you've heard of emotional involvement? Emotions aren't that easy to put aside for these families.

Your therapy should not involve deliberately trying to sock others in the gut with your low blows. Go find another hobby. You don't belong here.

[130smartchick]

I have never pulled a post out of the dead file. I have posted on threads where someone else has done so, bc I don't look at dates - it's not an issue on any other forum I frequent. I actually only post to those that pop up on the "new posts" list, so it's not possible I ever pulled up an old one.

That said, I *did* give advice to OP which she chooses to ignore at the father's peril. No one can change a parent's visitation parameters but a JUDGE. I don't give a rat's a$$ how many pictures you have, or how much rumor, gossip or insinuations you attach to it. The judge will admonish DAD - not mom.

I've seen it happen.

It wasn't very sound advice, I must say. In a situation the OP describes, CPS would be grossly remiss to "ignore" such appalling living circumstances for children. They will, indeed, get involved. They can even be called to testify in the custody case.

The courts will likely award sole custody to the dad in this case and minimum supervised visits to mom. It's clear she is not a fit parent.

Wow, where to start with you guys...
1st of all. I would like to say, enough with the drama. Get real. Smartchick, obviously you're not. You are prob a pissed off mom who abused and neglected her kids and hate your husbands new wife/kids stepmom bc you cheated on him and he left you (probably for HER).
2nd, if you're not...be a little kinder since you don't know all you think you do.

Let me first off, let you all know that we have already (YES, "WE" BECAUSE I TAKE CARE OF "OUR" KIDS EVERYDAY. I FEED THEM, BATHE THEM, LOVE THEM, KISS THEM, DO HOMEWORK, THEIR CLOTHES, THEIR DISHES, CLEAN THE HOUSE, AND TAKE THEM OUT AND HAVE GREAT EDUCATIONAL AND EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY EXPERIENCES WITH THEM. I DO SCIENCEFAIR, BOOKFAIRS, YARDSALES, BBQS, HOBBIES, FRIENDS, FAMILY, HOLIDAYS, ETC ETC ETC)
SHE DOES ***NOTHING*** ABOVE WITH THEM. SHE *LITERALLY* doesn't even feed them when they are there. it's up to the 11 yr old.

We have already been to court. A few months ago; yes we (again, the judge didn't say **** to me when WE went to court except to ask why WE weren't filing child support against her...) we didn't get cs bc we don't feel she would pay it. We KNOW she wouldn't pay it. Waste of time. We *gave* her 3 weekends a month to visit with the children, but no more. She couldn't even handle that. She is a massage therapist making $40,000 a year, but can't afford to buy her kids clothes, food, or a dam vaccuum to clean her house? PATHETIC. But, it's all changing now.
Recently her (like i said) other child by another man was poisoned with benzos and marijuana. He was taken to the er by his paternal gma. The child was put in emergency custody and there was a protective order placed against her from DSS (department of social services).
She finally (after 4 weeks of avioding it) took a lie detector 2 days ago. She failed it. The paternal gma also took one (just to clear her own name) and passed it.
She tried to kill her own son, she has left them home alone, alone with 50 yr old crackheads, and starved her kids whenthey were there.
The 2 (girls) that live with me have been too afraid to tell us what was happening (although we provide a nourishing and open loving home). Because she has brainwashed them so bad.
She will be officially charged friday and hopefully will go to prison for 100yrs.

I want to know what we have to file to get emergency and full custody with no visitation. Will she still have to pay child support if she has no visits? Will she be able to fight for custody from jail or will it just be "handed" to us? What past cases can we quote to make a stronger case?
This psychotic woman has skirted around the law for years. She has tried to decieve my husband, burned down her own house (with live kittens) *still* the number 1 suspect in that arson, and even pawned her wedding rings for crack cocaine. There is NOTHING she won't do.
Is there anything that she can say/do to hurt our case? Please help, don't use my thread for your issues.