Wondering what I can do to protect my son... single mother in Missouri

[SingleMom807]

I am a single mother in Missouri. My son's father - insert acerbic comment about unwed parents here - lives in Kansas. He has not seen our son since September of 2009. My son, who is autistic and has a receptive speech disorder, is two and a half now, and has no recollection of his father. Never asks for him, or looks for him, and there really wasn't much of that even when he first left.

My son's paternal family has never had anything to do with him, going so far as to say I "made a child up" in order to mentally abuse my ex (I wish I was kidding). Recently, my ex began seeing a woman who had her daughter removed from her custody after the military concluded that she and her ex-to-be were responsible for her child's severe brain damage and physical handicaps. Obviously, I am less than comfortable with these people being around my child.

My question is, is there any way to be sure that these people have no contact with my son? His father is allegedly working with a lawyer to find a way to ascertain that I am "mentally unstable" (which makes no sense, but to be fair, my ex is a few fries short of a happy meal at times) and to sue me for sole custody. I know that I cannot get a restraining order against the girlfriend, as she has done nothing to my son or I, but in a custody battle could I hypothetically use her history of abuse to keep her away from my child?

Thank you in advance for any advice or thoughts on the matter!

[AFFA]

I wish to inform you that the court considers best interest of child as a main consideration. In present situation you can bring out the past acts of father and his girlfriend. In this you can argue that the past acts of father and his girlfriend represent that they can cause harm to the child and it is interest of child that he does not meet his child. You can further argue that there is lack of affection towards child by father. He has never considered to know about whereabouts show that father does not intend to know or have contact with child. You can also show where the child has been neglected by other parent in the past. Lastly you basically have to show that it is in the best interest of child that he does not meet other parent or his girlfriend.

AFF

[130smartchick]

Dad and son are entitled to a relationship, regardless of how fleeting it may be to your son.

You can however go to court and have visitation amended, if this woman truly has such a record (did dad tell you this?). Ask the courts for no visitation when she is around.

Traditional long distance visitation may be very difficult on your son. I would consult his doctor before going to court.

[SingleMom807]

I agree that my son's father has a right (and a RESPONSIBILITY) to be in his life. Unless he was actually causing some sort of harm to our child, I would never keep him from him. In the past, my ex actually WAS responsible and seeing his son - now, he's dating this woman, and helping raise her newest baby, and our son has sort of taken a back seat.

And actually, I used to be friends with this woman. The story is absolutely true, as it came from her own mouth. She ascertains that it was her husband and not herself who was at fault, but as I have learned for myself - there is her truth, his truth, and the ACTUAL truth somewhere down the middle.

He lives about 70 miles away. I'm more concerned about the fact that, being autistic, my son does NOT handle new people or places well, and that I will be expected to allow him to spend time with these people who have been nothing but acerbic and combative, not to mention abusive enough that I had to get a restraining order against a few of them - and all without me there. The whole situation just makes my skin crawl.

[130smartchick]

I completely understand as I have an autistic son myself, but learning to deal with new situations is something he is going to have to do in order to move forward with his life.

This is why I recommended getting something from his doctor. Seeing dad can be his new routine, but it must be brought on gradually and dad must understand then how important keeping the routine will be.

Perhaps if dad understands how important this can be to himself, he may be more cooperative.

If your son never reaches a stage where he can live independently, you will be taking care of him and dad will be paying child support forever.

Remember that this woman is a legal stranger to your son and has no rights to see him or interfere with the situation at all.

I do not have austic children, but i do have children. I would not let my child around these people. If YOU got a restraining order and did not even have to be present, I would DEFINENTLY not let me child go there.
IF this woman has abused her own child, what makes you think she would hesitate to hurt yours? of course she would, and OF COURSE you have the right to deny this woman a right to be around your kid.

This man obviously has forgotten about the care of his kid. I would sue him for full custody with no visitation, absolutely i would mention her and her past faults.
I would also put a clause that if he was to get visitation, they will be supervised (at all times).
The dr. is a great idea. Autistic kids are super-sensitive and although-it IS imperative he learn that he has to adapt to new enviro's, that bad situation does NOT have to be one.
Putting his health and safety (and psyche) in danger is not the way to teach him new life skills.

I'm going through some similar, and worse things right now with a psychopath, but the only way to prove your truth and their guilt is to fight with all you have. proof, proof, proof. take notes, pictures, and record conversations. It will all help.
good luck.