indiana, 8 month old, never married, court question

I'm in the state of Indiana, I have an 8 month old, and I've not been married. Recently my ex and I got together and wrote out an agreement amongst ourselves that we thought was fair for our son, child support, visitation, it all...we were going to take it to court and get it legalized. Supposedly a couple days later he had gotten an attorney. He called me and said some things we just didn't agree on and he just thought it was was best to meet with an attorney for joint custody for the both of us and our son. The attorney would talk to both of us for a half hour and ask us questions and what we didn't agree on we'd come to an agreement and a legal document of it all would be typed up. When he told me all of this he said if I didn't comply a cop would come to my house and "serve" me. I'm going back to school in January full-time and I work nights and he said I'd have to start working through the day full-time (or minimum wage) and that my son would have to get his own room. I know my son getting his own room isn't true; I just have to prove he has a place to sleep, food, clothing. I'm sure he's saying all of this because he wants to scare me, but...what if I don't comply and agree? He hired and is paying the attorney so they'd be looking out for his best interest not mine. When we were together we had full costudy together, but I still had the baby all of the time. Now that we're seperated he wants joint? We were never married, so what could I do? I want things to be fair and I want my son to see his father, but...all of a sudden this fell into my lap and I'm not sure what kind of upper hand he's trying to get out of this. I know they all are walking on egg shells and being nice because they don't want me to not let our 8 month old not be around him. I've let him have him more than what I've been told I have to. If I didn't comply and a cop did serve me and we had to go to court what would happen? If I did have to get my own attorney would he have to pay for it? He walked out and like I said I had our son all the time and now he's trying to get him 50/50? How is that fair? I don't trust him with our son. What he does with him is his business and vice versa for me, but I know when I have my son, I have him...I don't pawn him off to my parents, which I know that he does a lot of the time. So, I really think it's his parents that have gotten him into all of this for their benefit too. Which, I can understand, but I don't agree.

Originally Posted by Unregistered I'm in the state of Indiana, I have an 8 month old, and I've not been married. Recently my ex and I got together and wrote out an agreement amongst ourselves that we thought was fair for our son, child support, visitation, it all...we were going to take it to court and get it legalized. Supposedly a couple days later he had gotten an attorney. He called me and said some things we just didn't agree on and he just thought it was was best to meet with an attorney for joint custody for the both of us and our son. The attorney would talk to both of us for a half hour and ask us questions and what we didn't agree on we'd come to an agreement and a legal document of it all would be typed up. When he told me all of this he said if I didn't comply a cop would come to my house and "serve" me. I'm going back to school in January full-time and I work nights and he said I'd have to start working through the day full-time (or minimum wage) and that my son would have to get his own room. I know my son getting his own room isn't true; I just have to prove he has a place to sleep, food, clothing. I'm sure he's saying all of this because he wants to scare me, but...what if I don't comply and agree? He hired and is paying the attorney so they'd be looking out for his best interest not mine. When we were together we had full costudy together, but I still had the baby all of the time. Now that we're seperated he wants joint? We were never married, so what could I do? I want things to be fair and I want my son to see his father, but...all of a sudden this fell into my lap and I'm not sure what kind of upper hand he's trying to get out of this. I know they all are walking on egg shells and being nice because they don't want me to not let our 8 month old not be around him. I've let him have him more than what I've been told I have to. If I didn't comply and a cop did serve me and we had to go to court what would happen? If I did have to get my own attorney would he have to pay for it? He walked out and like I said I had our son all the time and now he's trying to get him 50/50? How is that fair? I don't trust him with our son. What he does with him is his business and vice versa for me, but I know when I have my son, I have him...I don't pawn him off to my parents, which I know that he does a lot of the time. So, I really think it's his parents that have gotten him into all of this for their benefit too. Which, I can understand, but I don't agree.

he has just as much right to joint custody as you do- the child is HIS son too. unless you can prove hes a danger to the child, he will get joint custody and visitation. you chose him to be your child's father, and like it or not, he has as many rights as you

Originally Posted by Unregistered he has just as much right to joint custody as you do- the child is HIS son too. unless you can prove hes a danger to the child, he will get joint custody and visitation. you chose him to be your child's father, and like it or not, he has as many rights as you

I want him to be around his father - I had no problem with that. I've let him stay there 3 nights a week, I've been fair, I've been civil. I don't get him threatening me though and telling me false things to get me to joint custody. I have not once threaten to take his son away, I've never told him he couldn't see his son; nothing...and so I'm supposed to meet with this "attorney" that is completely not even on my side? I was just looking for guidance on what to do...not told that he has just the same amount of rights. Everything we've done thus far has been joint. He's the one going behind my back telling me on a Friday night that Monday morning if I don't comply and meet with him then and talk to the attorney that I'm going to get served? How does that even make sense? It's just...fishy to me. Why did he even agree to talking it out with me and going to an attorney and getting it legalized? And then go behind my back and all of a sudden I have to do this. It doesn't make sense.

You would be well advised NOT to meet with HIS attorney. You are under absolutely no obligation to do so anyway. The attorney would be his representation, not yours. If you wish to consult an attorney of your own, that would be wise, if your ex is going to bring attorneys into the equation. But you don't have to do so, nor do you have to meet with, comply with, or agree with anything regarding the attorney.

Further, neither of you need an attorney to file for custody of the child. If you are unwed, you, by default, have sole legal custody anyway, so you cannot file for what you already have.

You do not have to do anything you feel uncomfortable with. You don't need to "comply" with your ex's demands, as it's you who has sole legal custody of the child. If he wishes to challenge your custody status, he must file for custody with the courts. I hope you kept a written record of your mutual agreement that he has since had a change of heart over, thereby consulting an attorney, so you can show the judge how reasonable the arrangement was, and wondering aloud what could have caused him to take such a drastic change in course of action.

It's likely he will get court ordered visitation, but it's highly doubtful he'll obtain physical custody of the child.

Originally Posted by Unregistered You would be well advised NOT to meet with HIS attorney. You are under absolutely no obligation to do so anyway. The attorney would be his representation, not yours. If you wish to consult an attorney of your own, that would be wise, if your ex is going to bring attorneys into the equation. But you don't have to do so, nor do you have to meet with, comply with, or agree with anything regarding the attorney. Further, neither of you need an attorney to file for custody of the child. If you are unwed, you, by default, have sole legal custody anyway, so you cannot file for what you already have. You do not have to do anything you feel uncomfortable with. You don't need to "comply" with your ex's demands, as it's you who has sole legal custody of the child. If he wishes to challenge your custody status, he must file for custody with the courts. I hope you kept a written record of your mutual agreement that he has since had a change of heart over, thereby consulting an attorney, so you can show the judge how reasonable the arrangement was, and wondering aloud what could have caused him to take such a drastic change in course of action. It's likely he will get court ordered visitation, but it's highly doubtful he'll obtain physical custody of the child.

He says he hasn't gone behind my back, but it's almost like he just bought himself time meeting with me and discussing an agreement. We were going to get that legalized and then he goes and gets himself an attorney. He said we meet the attorney, we each talk to the attorney for a half hour while she gives us the same questions. What we don't agree on, we'll come to an agreement and then it'll be legalized. I'm not sure if that means he's filed for joint custody and that's why I'll be "served" if I don't comply or what. I do have the written record.

Once again, you are under no obligation to meet with HIS attorney.

You have sole legal custody right now and the only way he can "serve" you with any type of legal documents is if he hires the attorney to draw up the court documents and file them with the court on his behalf.

He DID go behind your back because you stated that you two had already ironed out details before the attorney became involved.

You will be given notice that he has filed for custody/visitation, but that does not mean he will prevail. It's highly unlikely he will be given full custody of the child. Even if you were to meet with his attorney and agree to whatever scare tactic terms she puts forth (this is why you a) need your own attorney to represent you, of b) not partake in meeting with his attorney on your own), you are still under no obligation to agree to anything. If he wishes to retain an attorney, that's his choice, but right unless there has already been a court order regarding custody, visitation, you don't even have to allow him to see the child. Right now he has ZERO right to the child.

I will reiterate this one more time. YOU have sole custody of the child. He is in no position to try to coerce you into agreeing with anything. The attorney is a scare tactic, that's it. If you fall for it, that's your problem.

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Do NOT meet with his attorney. Get your own to review the docs. If you then agree, they can be filed with the courts.

You don't even need to do that. You don't have to agree to anything. If he wants to take you to court for full custody, he will have to do that himself. As it stands, you don't have to agree to anything currently put forth in any documents.

Even if you did agree to everything that his attorney suggests, it's not a legally binding contract, as he does not, at this time, have any legal rights over the child. Has it even been established that he's the legal father? Is his name on the birth certificate and did he sign an Acknowledgement of Paternity when the child was born?

His parents have zero legal rights. You don't have to even allow them to see the child if you do not want to.