modification order

My ex husband just served me with papers to modify his child support. He was fired from his job sor lying and taking money for long distance travel when he was not traveling! He got caught and fired. He is receiving unemployment now and will have a new job in a couple of weeks. He is supposed to pay 750 a month and was behind by 1100 dollars when the papers were served. We have three young children and live in South Carolina. My question(s) is, does the child support accrue while the order for modification is pending? Will he be held accountable for all of the support owed later or will no arrears accrue while the order is pending? What do I do? I can't afford to pay a retainer to a lawyer. He and his wife live in a 200, 000 dollar house and have 4 cars. His wife has a good income. What do I need to do to make sure he pays. I have not gotten any money in a while!

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Wow. He's out of a job. If you lost your job tomorrow...would YOUR spending HAVE to go down? When parents (or anyone for that matter) lose jobs, spending goes down...period. Fact of life.

The more you make the more you spend. Just because they have a more expensive house doesn't mean they have enough disposable income to deal with his job loss. When he gets a job again...YOU file for a modification. Or...give him a month (or more if you have any heart) to get back on his feet first.

His spending has to go down, I'd suggest you prepare NOW for YOUR spending to go down. Even if just for a while.

I have a heart. I also have three children that I have to support no matter what. And I do! I had to sell my house when my ex left us for his new wife. I could not support my children and pay for an expensive home. I cut my spending way down and live very modestly. Should he not have to sacrifice in order to support his children? He did get fired for stealing money from his previous employers. I never asked for an increase in child support when he was making over 100,000 a year, even though the support he was paying had been ordered when he was unemployed back then. I am not a greedy woman after all of his money. I am a responsible parent who goes to work every day to pay for her children. I don't have the option of telling a court I can't pay for them because I was fired! I also don't spend money on non essentials. I suppose your advice is to tell my children they can only eat 5 days a week instead of 7. Or maybe I should sell MY car so he can have a little time driving around in his 4 cars! He also stated on his order for modification that he pays 250 dollars a month for his step sons expenses. I just think that maybe he should be concerned about his own childrens expenses. His own youngest son has Cerebral Palsy and his special needs cost me more than that 250 dollars a month. He is an able bodied man who can work somewhere! Why do you assume I am heartless just because I thing he should be held accountable? He did not pay any support up until last year. He had been pulled into court numerous time for non payment. The last time, a warrent was issued for his arrest. He called me and begged me to "fix" it. This heartless woman called the court and arranged for him to make payments(he had not been doing any before). Now, he is not paying again. And once again, I am left taking care of everything. While he is protected because of people who think that there is ever an excuse not to pay. By the way, he did not ask for support to be lowered while he gets unemployment. He asked for it to be stopped.

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Yes, your first post comes across as heartless. Your second post explains some things...but also leaves questions. You state he'll be employeed again soon...you request a modification when he resumes employment. Oh...and YOU don't need an attorney. You work with the child support agency (call them on Monday). They will provide an attorney to make sure you are represented. Do not fail to go to hearings if they tell you it's not "necessary" to be there. Go anyway.

While your "dinner" statement was ridiculous...you CAN tell your kids that you'll be eating Totino's Pizza instead of Dominos. In otherwords, unless you are already living on store brand macaroni and hot dogs, you can find ways to cut back.

Well, I am a teacher and don't make much money anyway. We ARE eating store brand foods already. Have been for a long time. We will make it. I have for 5 years, for the most part without help. And even though the dinner statement was silly, your flippant advice was as well. There is only so much you can cut back. Some things have to be paid and are not cheap. Physical therapy and medicines are non negotiable. My problem is that I don't think it is fair for all of the burden to continually fall on one person. The only reason I posted was for advice on what papers to file as an answer to the mod. petition. I did not expect to be attacked by anyone.
As to cutting back, again. I already took my daughter out of dance and my son out of science club because we don't have the monthly payment. My kids are young and don't understand why they can't do these things. And I get the blame for taking them out. And I will not tell them that he has asked to stop paying their support. I don't want to make them feel bad. But have you ever gotten to the end of the month and not been able to buy yogurt for your children? Or cereal? No, I don't think so. Or you would be much more understanding. I also took all of my jewelry and sold it for the gold.
I am doing everything I can. Why shouldn't he have to? And before you say it, this is my work computer. I don't have internet at home. Can't afford it.

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He won't get to stop paying support per the court order, but he will likely get a reduction. You take him back for a mod when he gets a job. And again, contact the child support agency to ensure you are represented and go to every hearing/meeting you can regarding it.

I think its unfair to assume there won't be a modification when a parent becomes unemployeed. Unless that parent is a serial job hopper to avoid child support - then there shouldn't be a mod.

I have had times where I couldn't buy yogurt. I then filed for child support and he filed for custody as an "answer" (after wanting next to nothing to do with her since she could crawl). $15,000 later....I should have found a different way to buy my yogurt.

I have not relied on his support for the last five years. That does not mean that I don't think he should be held accountable for the support. Why shouldn't I want him to help out? I did not choose to leave and start a new life. But I always thought that you had to take care of your old life, too. He helped to make the children, he should be expected to help support them. He has lost 5 jobs in the last 5 years. I don't know if he loses them to avoid paying or if he is just a loser who can't keep a job. I just wonder if he should not be expected to find a way to pay his share. It may not be his ideal job, but it would pay his bills. Why does it always fall on the one who has custody and takes care of the children full time to pick up the slack of the other? At one point he owed over 8,000 dollars and I had to work 2 jobs just to take care of my children. My opinion is that someone who is unemployed due to their own stupidity should have to get the 2 or three jobs to pay for his children. Considering he did not even ask for any formal visitation and sees them maybe 2 times a month, it would certainly not interfer with his spending time with his children. He would not then have to pay someone to babysit like I do. I have come to see that there is no justice for the faithful. And I also realize that people like you think you have the answers. You know so much more than than anyone! My thoughts are to tell these deadbeats to get up off their duffs and take responsibility for their actions. If I can sell everything that I own that we don't need to live, then I think a loser like him can do the same. I find ways to take care of my kids. My motto is "whatever it takes" and I have stood by that for the past 5 years. I just wish that he would feel the same. And that people out there would feel the same.
My mistake here was coming to this place for advice.

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You are WAY too defensive. I'm offering you advice here. You went from your first post decscribing a father slightly behind and appalled that he might get a reduction, to a deadbeat job hopper (that did some MAJOR catching up in past due support) that lives in a 200k house with 4 cars.

Todays courts aren't so kind to even allow a custodial home. Todays courts may award 50/50 custody with no or VERY little support to you and YOU still have to pay for expenses (I say this because courts order this type of custody even when the parents can't work together, so the parent MORE interested in how the child is raised - ie cloths and activities - is stuck with all the bills and no support). Truely...no matter how hard things get, be thankful for what you have (the children).

You will likely have to accept a temporary reduction, if he doesn't file for this all the time.

I've offered you good advice and you keep fighting back as if attacked. Relax. Stress is a killer - and I suspect your stress level is REALLY high.

Of course, if would be nice if people looked at themselves before laying all the blame on someone else's doorstep.

He should work 2-3 jobs to pay? He should support his child, as should you. Most people know beforehand that children require money to support. It is his responsibility to pay his obligation, just as it is yours. Perhaps it's you who should work 2-3 jobs?

I do agree with the last poster. They did give you good advice and you are railing against it like she said something that was offensive. I see nothing offensive. Either take it or leave it. Or are you simply here to gripe?

The guy got somewhat caught up on his arrears. Give him credit for that. Most of the time the arrears never gets paid and the compounded interest builds up so that some mother can take all the glory of saying " he owes me $xxxxxx. Nevermind its with compounded interest and the mother lied for years on what she actually makes. Ok, he has had 5 jobs in 5 years. So what? That's a job a year. In certain fields, jobs are contracted or end upon completion of a particular assignment. He's unemployed now and naturally he is going to seek a modification so he doesn't run up the support arrears that he can't pay while unemployed. It sounds like you are upset that you spend most of your time catering to your children. There are no guarantees in life that things are going to turn out the way you expect. If you want relief and time for you, let him know that he needs to man up and start spending more time with the children. Men start becoming better parents and caring more when they actually get to spend MORE time with their children. It's true.