Child support (help please)

[shaymallow]

Hello I have a 5 year old son who has not been contacted nor supported by his father since his day of birth, the father's mother ( child's grandmother) has been sending support to the child over the past 5 years. I have spoke to her and explained that the child's father needs to step up and be responsible for his child. She wants me to send a letter to her stating she is paying the support and would like her son to start paying.
I was a bit taken back.. its as if she feels he should not pay back support for "his" lack of participation.
I would rather he pay the back support and be able to re-pay the child's grandmother for all the help she has put in. I am scared of him, he has expressed he has no feelings for this said child and would never send a red cent to help him. We were never married and he is on the birth certificate.
I would rather just go to the District Attorneys office and let them try to find him ... he moves from place to place, I do have his SS# state of license, and military (he is now out) record. So this letter she is asking for, does this take him off the hook for the past 5 years ? If you have any advice I would truly appreciate your time. Thank You

[shaymallow]

anyone ? Do it make sense to send a letter to the Grandmother ... so she can send it to the father ? She does not want me to do anything until he gets settled (so to speak) she has been so wonderful to us, I'm trying to oblige but I am very concerned about her retirement and what it has taken from her. He does not want contact w/ the child period. ( I had no idea until she told me he had not contributed anything to help her and now it's 5 years later)

Dont write her ANY type of letter, she has no rights in this. You can file with your state CFS office and they will find him and establish Child support. Ironically, NOTHING his mother has paid will be credited to him, it will be considered a gift to you. He doesnt have to be involved in the child's lfife but he needs to step up

[Gbyte]

And don't be surprised if he's all the sudden father of the year and files for custody/visitation. That happens all too often. If you bring up his lack of interest in the past...they'll say "but he's interested now". Good luck to you.

If it was me...I'd accept the grandmothers involvement and leave it at that.

[shaymallow]

I appreciate your posts .. I have been just going nuts w/ all this.. thank you guys for responding * now I have a bit of advice to work with ohhhhh hugs to you xoxoxo

[shaymallow]

we are in two different states as well... I have lived here for 30 years .. and the child was born here so his residence has been his entire life. .. and he is 5 .. im hoping that makes a difference. I do not mind his father being involved.. as long as its on our turf.. after the military he went a bit crazy.. and his military papers state that.. so i am in hopes that he can have a relationship w/ his son but monitored. Both do need it .. but the child needs to be watched around him .. again you guys are great..
can they find him if he is all over the usa ? i do have all his information.. and im not going to sign off on something that he has no input in .. just didnt know how to tell such a sweet retired woman that I just can't . ... with this post it has helped me see clearer.. xoxo thanks

I would accept the Grand mothers charity and leave it at that. I was in a simular situation and I filed for support. The nice thing is every now and then I get money. The bad thing is now that he pays he pretends to be a father and is in and out of the childs life. One day he wants the child every other weekend the next we dont hear anything for weeks. If he doesnt want to be a part of the childs life and you dont want to deal with him I would leave it alone. I would not put anything in writing.