A true story... young man needs your help. If you are an attorney please read

To those of you who may be listening,

This forum is my last resort. The story I will communicate to you is the abridged version of a very long ordeal beginning this past February. I did a thorough search of this forum, and that is why I am posting this. To all attorneys reading this, if you have any advice and significant expertise in this field, please contact me. I will pay for that expertise.

Background: I am a pharmacy student in my final year of training. She is a nursing student
We met this past november, she worked the day shift and I worked the night shift of the same hospital. She was initially very sweet- a little on the wild side but seemed very genuine. I am a nice guy- I am looking for someone to establish a long term relationship with and perhaps one day start a family. We both worked hard through the year, so we didnt spend a ton of time with each other. Our relationship lasted throughout november. We only slept with each other once as our schedules were incredibly busy and we never had a "normal relationship." Both times she was on birth control.

After the second time I had rotations at another hospital, and we lost touch. I called a few weeks later and another guy picked up her cell phone (Strange right?) I essentially wrote off the situation, as I thought it was pointless to try to continue a relationship with someone like that.

I saw her once in a while. To be completely honest a few weeks after we were together she complained of a stomach ache. Approximately 2.5 months later, I receive a text message out of the blue, saying "I missed my period for the past two months. Im pregnant. It's yours" I called her up, and strangely she said "I dont want to talk about it." The next few weeks I did everything I could to get in contact with her, without ever being angry, rude, etc. I offered to take her out to dinner, lunch, hang out at my place. She refused every one of my offers. She would only meet me at the hospital for a few minutes during her breaks at work. She never wanted to talk about the pregnancy. The one night we did, she said “you can afford it, and if u cant Ill get your parents to pay.” Then she started laughing at me on the phone, it was obvious other people were in the room. My parents are retired, and I am 100k in debt from undergrad and graduate school. In addition, it is 8 months before I will have a real job. I explained this to her, and told her it was it was not logical to expect support from me when there was no way I can pay as Im in school and rely on loans. She called me every expletive, told me it was better if I was dead, and slammed down the phone.

At this point, my performance in school began to decline. I still passed everything, but i felt i was just going through the motions. She decided on a whim to move to Florida (yes, thats right) from Ohio where we met. She blocked me from all social network utilities. Her myspace profile picture, however, for the past 4 months has had pictures with another man.
Last month, she called me out of the blue. Didn’t mention pregnancy. I knew that she would avoid the issue- she enjoys playing games with me. I texted her, asked if she was still pregnant. She texted “no, we’re not pregnant.” I asked what happened, no response. She ended the text conversation with, “is that what u wanted to hear?” I asked her if it was the truth, and she said “yes.”

I called her up at 11pm one night after my shift, to which I got a text message of “why the f*** are you calling so late? You woke me up….i hope you fu**ing die.” I must note I never used any expletive with her, and never raised my voice. This type of treatment honestly creeped me out.

So I thought I was off the hook. The other day, I checked myspace, and saw she was coming back to ohio. I texted her, she said yes she would be in “for my baby shower….leave me alone”. I was stunned. A few days later she changed her myspace photo, and she is definitely 6 months pregnant. It was obvious from the past few months she used pictures that hid her pregnancy.

I am at a loss. I want this girl out of my life. I have two sisters, and have the utmost respect for women. This girl I had a relationship with is obviously into playing games, even mockingly laughing at me on the phone when I called her to talk about her pregnancy. I think she has some underlying mental problems. At this point whether or not this is my child I want her out of my life. This sounds callous, but I know she would enjoy ruining my life. I thought women who were pregnant would want to talk about it, send ultrasound pictures, discuss options etc. She just insults me, threatens me, and laughs at me. I have never known a girl like this.

Note: We only had intercourse once

Questions

1.) I know “signing off” is an impossibility in Ohio. Nevertheless, even if I do have to pay child support, I want to make sure to have no contact with her or the child. I know the child is mine, but I also know that this child would be a pawn in her “games” with me. Is this possible?

2.) I do not want her contacting my family. My parents are good people, and would help her if the child was mine. She would abuse that trust. Can I get a restraining order against her?

3.) I have spoken to a few attorneys in my states. They say that if one party agrees to no parenting time whatsoever, that can in some cases DECREASE child support. Please comment if you know anything about this

4.) Should I contact her? Or wait for her to contact me? Previously she has said she wanted to raise the child by herself, without me. She even texted to my phone “just sign off your rights.” Naturally when I inquired about economically supporting our child , she got very quiet.

5.) Paternity Testing- I know there are some real questions about this. Nevertheless the dates make sense. I hear this is a double edged sword. In what way? Can my money be garnished from my paycheck without a paternity test? Please explain this

6.) If you are an attorney with expertise in these areas please contact me. I set up a special email for this purpose. It is needlegalhelp84@hotmail.com It sounds generic, but I didn’t want to give away my own email.

I think you should email world law on their home page or at info@worldlawdirect.com if you want direct private communication with an attorney that can assist and answer you privately.

You can avoid seeing her and the child but you will have to pay child support, if she files for it in court.

You cannot get a restraining order for a third party--you can get one applicable to you if YOU don't want to talk to her etc. and she keeps contacting you.

What your parents do is up to them.

I would think you would just want to avoid her 100% and hope she never contacts you again!...unless at some point you decide you do want to be a father to the child...

however, other responses are appreciated....not necessarily those of attorneys

Ultimately, it is your decision whether or not you want to be a father to this child. If your excuse for not wanting anything to do with the child is your fear your ex will use the child as a "pawn", that is a cowardly excuse, as children need all the love and protection they can get, especially when they need protection from a parent.

It sounds like you are too immature to face this situation and perhaps cannot think cognitively about it. So therefore, it's probably best that you leave well enough alone. Don't contact her in any way and don't admit to paternity in writing or even verbally. If she files against your for child support, she will first have to prove you are, indeed, the father via DNA testing, which you are under no legal obligation to submit to.

It does sound as if this mother and this child will be much better off if you remain out of their lives. Life is tough enough without having to deal with cowards. I pity this poor child for the father she had the misfortune to be born to.

Since she is in FL now, she'll have to go through their child support system - check out their website for information on how their system works so you know what your rights are. I would assume you would be summoned to court at which time you could request a paternity test. I would assume the guy she is with now most likely assumes the child is his as well ,especially if he's in recent photos with her and they are coming in for a baby shower. So if you don't want to be involved just stay away and take her off your friend list. If the child turns out to be yours, you may have to pay, but the courts decide what you can afford and she'd have to file for child support.

If it is determined that you are, indeed, the child's biological father, you are obligated to financially support your child so other people don't have to. You will have to pay child support. You don't, on the other hand, have to be in either the child's life or the mother's, but consider that children should not be punished for the irresponsible acts of the parents. This child deserves to be financially supported by BOTH parents. As does every child.

Right on!

Old post, I realize, but perhaps some answers will help another.

Questions

1.) I know “signing off” is an impossibility in Ohio. Nevertheless, even if I do have to pay child support, I want to make sure to have no contact with her or the child. I know the child is mine, but I also know that this child would be a pawn in her “games” with me. Is this possible?

2.) I do not want her contacting my family. My parents are good people, and would help her if the child was mine. She would abuse that trust. Can I get a restraining order against her?

It is not your decision to disallow your child to have a chance to know and have a relationship with his/her grandparents. It is also not your place to make that decision FOR your parents. So, no, you cannot force her to not contact them. No, YOU cannot get a restraining order against her unless it is on your behalf only. Your parents are grown adults who can assess and make decisions for themselves.

3.) I have spoken to a few attorneys in my states. They say that if one party agrees to no parenting time whatsoever, that can in some cases DECREASE child support. Please comment if you know anything about this.

Your child support will do the opposite, in fact, and INCREASE, since you have the child at no time at all. The only way your child support would DECREASE is if you had frequent visitation or joint custody of your child. The attorneys you spoke to have obviously not brushed up on Family Court Law.

4.) Should I contact her? Or wait for her to contact me? Previously she has said she wanted to raise the child by herself, without me. She even texted to my phone “just sign off your rights.” Naturally when I inquired about economically supporting our child , she got very quiet.

First you want to get a restraining order and want nothing to do with her, the next you're asking if you should contact her? She will likely contact Child Support Enforcement, who will then begin the process to prove the likelihood that you are the father, thus beginning your child support obligation.

5.) Paternity Testing- I know there are some real questions about this. Nevertheless the dates make sense. I hear this is a double edged sword. In what way? Can my money be garnished from my paycheck without a paternity test? Please explain this

Many times, Child Enforcement does not need to establish paternity by paternity test, but if they, or she petitions the court to order you to submit to one, then you must submit. Yes, your money can be garnished from your paycheck.

I will keep my opinions about your values, morals, and scruples to myself.

Helpful post!! thx