Got pregnant by a cheating Married Man (unaware until after birth)

[Kipling]

I am a Maryland resident. Now a single parent of a wonderful baby girl. I got pregnant by my then boyfriend, unplanned. He lied throughout our relationship. I did ask if he was married. He did not ever wear a wedding band nor did he have a ring tan line. He was gone after being informed except for the random called. I informed him when I had the baby. He did not respond. Then 15 days after giving birth, I was contacted by who I believe was his mother turned out to be his wife. She informed me that they had a child together and that he had two children prior to her plus her one. In total, he has four children, not including the one he had with me. He lied to her about the situation and even stated that he wanted to do marriage counseling according to the wife. I did inform him that I would seek child support

She also informed me that she was pregnant around the same time as myself, and he convinced her to abort. However, she lost the baby a day before or the same day. She stated that she wanted another little girl. My daughter is now 4 months old. He has never seen her nor has he called to ask about her or ensure that she has what she needs. I have many questions:

1. What are his rights?

2. What can I do to protect my daughter, I am afraid that his wife might try to take or keep her?

3. Do I have any grounds to get sole legally custody based upon his deceit?

4. If not, can I request that all visitations be supervised by a member of law enforcement?

5. How do I ensure that his wife is no threat to my daughter?

I am desperately in need of help! Any advise will help. Should I get a lawyer now or can I wait until after my child support hearing? Please, I am begging and pleading for help! Thank you!

[Gbyte]

Children aren't just interchangable. She can't just "keep" your child.

A built in step mom from birth would be a little difficult to swallow....but that's what she is. You are going to have to swallow your motherly pride.

No, you will not likely get supervised visits. Has the FATHER requested them yet or filed a court motion? Sole custody/Joint custody is decided on a whim these days. There are "things to be considered", but courts often think the parents in the most opposing parenting relationships are the best for joint custody (not). There is no way to guess outcomes.

The man's wife has no legal claim to your child whatsoever, so don't worry about her taking your child from you. That is not going to happen.

This is a case where it's better to simply cut your losses. Don't acknowledge him as the biological father, don't put his name on the birth certificate and don't agree to him signing an Acknowledgement of Paternity. Don't file for child support and basically, just move on with your life as if he doesn't exist.

If you don't, your life will be a nightmare for the next 18 years and then some. It's not worth it. Once a cheat, always a cheat. God only knows how many other women he's knocked up under the same false pretenses. You and your child will be better off without him in either of your lives.

Soak him for child support! That will show him.

Oh yes. "soak" him for child support so he can have the right to seek full custody of the child. That is just the type of mentality that keeps the vicious cycle turning.

[sunlover]

Until paternity is established no one can claim child see support custody or whatever except Mom. You can name the Father if you choose but unless he signs birth acknowledgment he is not legal Father. After child is born either you or Dad can seek court ordered paternity. Once he is established as Father either party can seek custody then of course support and visitation. His wife has no role in this she is a legal stranger to child. You and this man are forever bonded by the choices you made when you had unprotected or poorly protected sex with a man you really didnt know. The first step is in your hands. Do you want to name this man Father? If yes he does not have to sign birth acknowledgment. If he does he is now "legal" Father and can seek custody, visitation etc. If you fail to name Father he can choose to ignore this which gives him no rights. If he wants rights then he will need to seek court ordered paternity test. Then of course the visitation, custody, support issues.

[Gbyte]

Originally Posted by Unregistered Soak him for child support! That will show him.

My guess...a man posted this - to make women look bad. Grow up.

[sunlover]

Originally Posted by Gbyte My guess...a man posted this - to make women look bad. Grow up.

Your bias is showing again

[Gbyte]

This board is filled with men that bash all mothers at every turn and blame them for anything. There is very few mothers here...and those that are have not shown that kind of attitude. Granted...could have been a once in a lifetime post by someone who is not a regular visitor here.

If you call bias trying to stand up for mothers (and fathers) when I feel it is right to do so, while all women under all circumstances here are being constantly bashed by fathers...then I guess I'm biased.

with all the kids this man has i doubt he'd be interested in keeping any of them. he is married to his one wife and cheats on her constantly it seems. make him take responsibility and pay child support. i know it's hard but try to be open to joint custody. if you have to, make friends with this woman (his wife) you are all going to be in this for a long time together. just get over it and make do. But please do not step away from what your child needs and deserves just to save yourself from having to deal with him. i turned my back for an entire year before i got up enough courage to even consider filing for child support. now i'm going hard. not once has the father of my chils tried to contact me. he has anothe son that is only months younger than our child. i'm doing what i have to do. wish me luck, but no matter what, that is still his child and he needs to pay child support. i understand your huge hesitation with just handing over your child to strangers for visitation but you have to get over that and have faith in the law that your child will be safe and returned. things will smooth out. just know who you are dealing with and if you can get on a civil level try to know who your child is with and where at all times. if all else fails... tracking device. i've considered it. no joke. i do not know my son's fathers family, friends, where he works so i am taking a chance with visitation and i do not intend on leaving it all in someone else hands to locate my child. just keep an open mind and handle your business.