Wanting to move out of province

I currently live in British Columbia. The children are 15 and 16 and have lived with me continuously since the father and I parted ways 14 years ago.
The father goes missing off and on due to drug problems, he is unable to maintain his own living situation and lives with his parents most of the time, in between staying with a girlfriend whom my children won't be near because of the volatile relationship between her and their dad.
I am remarried, and have two younger children with my new husband.
We need to sell our home soon and once we return my mother's portion that she invested in, we will not have enough left to buy a home here in BC, unless we move up north to a small town perhaps, which the kids do NOT want to do.
We have been thinking of relocating all the way out east to New Brunswick, because the money we get from the home here will almost completely pay for a home there, mortgage free, and the cities, such as Moncton have all the things one needs for a good life. Good schools/universities, hospitals, and there are actually jobs there. So,depending on emplyment, we would like to relocate.
I would be willing to fly the kids back west to their dad for the summer, or for holidays, IF we can find him, as he is often homeless. He of course says that there is no way in hell he will let us go.
Are the children at an age where if they really want to go, they may? And would it be so very awful to do this? I just really want a good life for the whole family, and if I give up starting a new life, and then their dad goes AWOL again for his addictions and unstable lifestyle, it would be so frustrating.

[Gbyte]

Candian courts and laws are different from that of the US. There are some candian posters here, but I'd advice you to post to the ask an attorney section. It's 10 US dollars.

Thank you, that sounds like it might be a good idea.

What exactly are you asking? Or are you simply venting about your ex-husband and slandering him in a public forum to bolster your own wonderful ability to parent? It is always suspect when one party begins their "question" by slandering the other side.

Move with your children if the man is as much a disgrace to society as you say he is. You mention no custody arrangement with the father, and I'm sure even if there were, and you can prove all of these horrible things about him, no judge would force you to remain where you are. Why in the world would you be willing to fly them back to see this guy if his lifestyle is what you claim it is? You say in one breath your children shouldn't be around him and his lifestyle's environment, and in the next you're willing to fly them all the way back there to stay with him, with you out of immediate reach should they need you.

If there is currently no court order regarding child custody and visitation, just move and be done with it.

[Gbyte]

Such an eloquent piece of advice.

NOT.

Originally Posted by Gbyte Such an eloquent piece of advice. NOT.

Feel free to jump in with your own instead of being snarky.

If the man is often homeless and an addict, he would be hard pressed to prove to the court he is responsible enough to care for the children. He says he will not allow you to move with the children. That is not up to him to decide, especially if he's missing most of the time and homeless AND an addict.

You are more than likely to get a judge to rule in your favor. You may request an ex parte hearing with the judge and present your case.

Good luck to you.

Originally Posted by Unregistered What exactly are you asking? Or are you simply venting about your ex-husband and slandering him in a public forum to bolster your own wonderful ability to parent? It is always suspect when one party begins their "question" by slandering the other side. Move with your children if the man is as much a disgrace to society as you say he is. You mention no custody arrangement with the father, and I'm sure even if there were, and you can prove all of these horrible things about him, no judge would force you to remain where you are. Why in the world would you be willing to fly them back to see this guy if his lifestyle is what you claim it is? You say in one breath your children shouldn't be around him and his lifestyle's environment, and in the next you're willing to fly them all the way back there to stay with him, with you out of immediate reach should they need you. If there is currently no court order regarding child custody and visitation, just move and be done with it.

If I was 'slandering' him in public, I would have given many more specifics. In fact, I thought I was being quite fair. I did not say he was a disgrace to society. Our children are 15, and 16 and when I spoke to a court counsellor, I was told that due to their age, they were not at risk in the way that younger children would be. I was told that I needed to allow them the freedom to have a relationship with their dad and that is what I have done. They have a cell phone, if there is a problem, they can call me and I will be there immediately to pick them up.
When their dad is staying with his parents, THAT is when I send them. His parents are great people and are heartbroken by their son just as much as myself, or his children are. It may have sounded callous, but after 14 years, the point came where I just stopped worrying about whether or not I sounded heartless. When I send the kids to his parents to see him, I know they are safe. They have been wonderful through all of this.
I worked as a single mom and raised these kids, kept a roof over their head, lived in the same neighbourhood for over a decade, was never evicted, or lost electricity, or allowed them to go hungry etc and made only minimum wage. And if it were a dad, doing the same thing for his kids, with an absent mother, I would be just as proud of him... I was not saying what I said out of some need to be a mean-spirited female.I was not trying to bolster my own 'wonderful ability to parent'
And, as odd as it may sound, even though we never went to court for custody, he does not need to prove that he can CARE for the children if we move away, he just needs to bring it to the court's attention that I PLAN on moving away, and in doing so, can have an order of stay brought on upon us. If that happens, we will not be allowed to move. And it can take years to fight in court.
I detect alot of anger in your post, and I am sorry if you have issues and perhaps have lost a child through something such as this, but do not deflect on me.

Consult with an attorney who specializes in Family Law in your province.

You've been given this advice here already.

You will be able to go under those circumstances and if you wish you may be able to get a court order without him even being in court if he is missing.

And if you have no existing order you can just go now...he will have a hard time prevailing and forcing you to stay especially if you will agree some visitation.