What should I do? My ex wife wants to move...

[see_mack2006]

I live in Ohio and my ex wife is wanting to move from they Dayton area to Cleveland. When we divorced, she & I agreed that she would be the primary care giver but if she was wanting to move(which I figured she would want to.) to Cleveland where her family lives, she would have to take it back to court and prove that it is in the best interest of the child. The deal is this...let me give you a little info on Cleveland. All of her family lives in Cleveland and recently her mother passed away and left her dad with a large amount of debt that he wasn't aware of(personal loans, credit cards and refinancing the house) until after her passing. Now he has had close to $75,000 in debt dropped into his lap in the last couple weeks and now he is afraid of losing his house. He is 60 years old, not working at the present moment and taking care of his son who is 28 and has some fairly serious health issues. My ex wife wants to sell the house she is living in now, and buy the house that her dad lives in for the amount of debt he owes to all of the bill collectors and live happily ever after. She gets to live close to her family, her dad gets to erase all the debt left to him by his wife and he will still have someplace to stay. The only hang up is this...she and I have a child together. An 18 month old son to be exact. I told her I shouldn't have to suffer from this and have my child taken to a place that is close to 4 hours away because of something that isn't my fault. At times, I feel I am very selfish for not just allowing her to go up there but at the same time, that is my son! I have suggested moving him down here and saying screw the debt and the house and file bankruptcy but she asked me "Why should I expect my dad to leave his family, friends and all that support him to come move with me?" which in my opinion is exactly what she is expecting from her son. We agreed that this is where we wanted to start our family...and because things aren't the way we expected...I shouldn't have to pay the ultimate price. I have told her that there are 2 main things that our son needs and that is his mother and his father and there are going to be things that our son is going to need from his father that his mother just isn't going to be able to provide him with. He isn't going to understand why he cant see his dad, when in the end its all about erasing some debt. I just don't know what to do...I am really in a confusing and tough situation. What would you do if you were in my situation or better yet, her situation?

Also, I have 2 other children(a 9 year old & a 4 year old) in this area so moving up there would be a very hard thing to do.

Did the mother leave a will or did she die intestate? If she died intestate, someone would have to be appointed personal representative of the estate. Is the house owned as joint tenancy with right to survivorship? If there is not enough money in her mother's estate to cover all the bills, then it's tough cookies for the bill collectors. Nobody else is responsible for those bills after she died. Creditors get any portion they can out of an estate and that is it. After that, no surviving family member is considered responsible. Unless, of course, all of these bills were in the mother and father's name jointly.

You can always file for physical custody of the child. You can't stop people from moving if that is what they really want to do but you don't have to allow your child to be taken from you either. She's making a decision that is more revolving around her childhood family than it is her new young family. It's not for the best interest of the child that she is moving. This is why I would file for custody. Do your 9 and 4 year old children live with you full-time?

[see_mack2006]

That is just it...

Her mother went behind her fathers back and took out a $25,000 personal loan in his(my ex wifes father) name. Along with several other credit cards she applied for in both of their names. She also, kept borrowing from a home improvement loan that they took out in 1996 for $20,000. She racked up a total of about $95,000 that he was unaware of(or atleast that is what I am being told.) but they were able to get $20,000 of that erased because 2 credit cards were in her name only. The bottom line is that she made A LOT of crooked decisions and left others to deal with it. As far as her moving, I told her if that is so important to her and she wants to basically make the decision that leaves one of the parents out of the childs life for the most part, then let me have custody and she can move whereever she wants. But she thinks that type of suggestion is just ridiculous. I have raised my 9 year old and didn't start seeing my 4 year old until she was close to 2 years old...but I am very much in both of their lives. I have no abuse problems, no drug or alcohol problems. Not long before we were married, she bought a "fixer upper" house and the strain of working on the house and the fact that I am not the best when it comes to keeping the house clean(i.e., dishes, laundry, typical housework) is what doomed our relationship. It led to a lot of stress on both parts and with stress comes arguments. The reason she filed for divorce was because she didn't want to raise our child in that type of environment, and I completely agree. I don't deny if I would have done some things differently, we would probably still be married to this day but even so, we still couldn't just up and leave our home to go up there. Since divorcing, she & I have gotten along great...not necessarily enough to where we are ready to jump back into a relationship with each other but great enough to where we can hang out and do stuff together with our child and not have problems. My son & I are just about 2 peas in a pod...when we are together, you do not seperate us and you can see that he is VERY happy to have me around.

[see_mack2006]

Also, the mother had no will and believe it or not she was on oxygen & breathing treatments and in and out of the hospital 2-3 times every 6 months for emphysema(and still smoked right up to her last breath). Her life insurance plan was also for a whopping $5,000 so that didn't even touch half of the funeral expenses.

File for custody. You may ask for joint custody with physical residence with you.

It really doesn't matter why she's moving. Airing her family's dirty laundry on here doesn't serve any purpose. It's really a matter of whether you want her to move away with your son and infringe on your right to be in his life.

[see_mack2006]

Didn't mean to air the dirty laundry, just wanted to show why she would have needed a will. As far as the life insurance policy, just wanted to point out that it didn't cover the funeral expenses which led to more out of pocket expense on his part...not looking to bad mouth...just trying to get all of the facts out there.

[see_mack2006]

As far as my 9 year old & 4 year old living with me...

No, I have the 9 year old every other week and standard visitation on the 4 year old. I hear it a lot...3 different kids by 3 different moms. Sure, I have made some bad decisions in the past but the outcome(3 beautiful children) is better then I could have asked for!

I understand. But it really has nothing to do with your custody issue.

Since you have an amicable relationship, perhaps you can set aside some time to talk with her about this and let her know how this affects you. She appears to be making a drastic decision based on her family's crisis. That is, however, not her burden and she doesn't appear to be moving the child for any real benefit to either him or herself. She's really going to make it a worse financial hardship for both if she moves.

You may be able to come to a resolution without involving the courts. That would be the best outcome. If you can't, and you really don't want to be separated from your son, you will have no choice but to file with the court for physical custody.