child custody

My ex and I have shared custody of our 2 children age 11 and 17. While my kids are with their dad, he tells them I do not need to know where they are or what they are up to. He encourages them to not answer my calls or texts when i try to check up on them because they are on his time and in the past few weeks I found them lying to me on their whereabouts. On weekends when he is working all day I know he leaves them unsupervised all day. My 11 year old wont answer my texts or calls and my 17 yr old is out and around all day when she is supposed to be watching my son while their dad is working. If they could just text me back or call and say they are fine i would have no issue. This torture of their dad having being irresponsible by leaving them unsupervised all day and encouraging them to iignore me all day when he knows i get worried is unacceptable. I feel any responsible decent parent would tell their kids just to let their mom know they are ok knowing how i worry about them. Is there anything I can do about this? What would be my chances of gaining full custody of my kids in a situation like this? I live in NY state. I believe my kids would side with their dad because they are liking the no supervision rule right now. I find it hard to believe that the irresponsible parent and the kids would have more rights to a judge than a concerned parent.

[Gbyte]

I would guess the fact that the KIDS are ignoring you when the dad isn't there indicates that you may "hen peck" a bit too much. I'd say don't call next time...or the time after - tell them you miss them and you look forward to seeing them soon (leave the word "talking" out of it). I bet they might call you.

You can say - so what did you do this weekend? If they say "nothing"...say "must have been a boring weekend" and leave it at that. I bet they might tell you not too long after.

At 11 - some kids are ready to be left home a bit...

I know what your're saying. Im probably going thru some kind of anxiety separation thing because i was always the protective one. Not having them here all the time is hard and I do worry. If they would just answer or text me back and say "mom, we are fine everything is ok" i would be ok with all this. I dont condone the lying about there wherabouts. At 11 boys tend to get themselves into trouble and at 17 girls tend to as well especially on a few sunday mornings when my son did tell me her boyfriend slept over and they were unsupervised while dad was working and my son was upstairs on the ps3. As a mom i want them to be more respective and responsible in knowing right from wrong. I think their dad is trying to play the hero and win them over by giving them all this freedom right now so they will resent me for being the strict one.

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And if you don't back off a little - ignore THEM and make them worry - they may be soon asking to live there. You have to let go a bit (REALLY serious on the no call no txt next time they have extended time w/their dad). Hope and pray you've done a good enough job.

this is a family LAW board, why is it always GBYTE counseling people without any legal advice?

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Because I'm not a lawyer and her issue doesn't require the assistance of a lawyer. That's why.

Sometimes it takes talking to someone in a similar situation to find a solution to a problem...or at least try. Getting another perspective. Not EVERY issue should or could be handled by an attorney and a judge.

Actually this can be answered by a attorney or judge. As long as the children are returned as per the custody schedule, mom has NO Right to know where they are.

This should be moved to the Oprah message board. She is not seeking legal advice, just someone to tell her that her ex is a jerk and she's Mom of the year

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Yes...a worried mom. How HORRIBLE!

I will not engage in further conversation with you.

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Oh...to the mom...

I noticed now you said the daughters boyfriend may have slept over?? I'd discuss birth control with her now if you haven't already and get her on it! I'd also buy her a box of condoms and give them to her discretly (in a bag). Tell her to open the bag in private.