Unwed teen mom in Texas

I lived with my ex (BD) for 3 months but when he lost his job and he solely decided we should move out instead of him looking for another job I was forced to move back in with my parents in Austin,TX while he lived in Fort Worth,TX. In the process of that we decided to break up and now him and his mother (who has been way too involved IMO with our relationship and our daughter the entire time and wants my daughter as her own) are trying to get joint custody. Our daughter is 8 months old and is going through separation anxiety at the moment and I have seen her react through how many times we have been forced to move since she was born and it's not healthy for her to go back and forth. They think that every other week I am supposed to drive her 4 hours away to stay in Fort Worth with her dad for the rest of the week and then I drive all the way back to pick her up. I am currently in school and the BD is supposed to be looking for a job so his mom would be watching her at their house.

He lives with his parents still and I temporarily lived there while I was pregnant and know they have rats, cockroaches, ants, and concrete floors for her to hit her head on. He also does not have a vehicle that is safe to put her car seat in and with no job he won't get one nor will he move out of his parents nasty house.

So far since the breakup he has rode the train to Austin and I have had to miss classes at school to pick him up and he sleeps at my parents house and eats their food and brings 20 dollars his parents give him to buy 1 can of formula.

But he wants custody? I'm not sure if he has filed paperwork or anything but I do not want my daughter to be in that living situation and honestly I don't have the time or money or feel that its necessary for me to drive my daughter 8 hours back and forth every week.

Her last name is hyphenated and his name is on the birth certificate if that makes any difference.

Does anyone have a more reasonable visitation schedule for our situation?

[Gbyte]

HE should drive to see your daughter. Granted - you moved, but this child is too young for this kind of regular travel time.

How long does he keep her when you go over there? At that age - overnights from the primary caregiver are usually not recommended. If they are - it's usually only one overnight.

HE needs to come to YOUR town every weekend for 1 day (he should find a way - you need not worry about it). Let him pick her up at say noon on Saturday or Sunday and keep her until 6. When she's a year old, allow 1 overnight - Like 6pm to 6pm (or 4-4 taking into account drive time) sat-sun once a weekend or once every other (in case you want a weekend too someday). You could also offer every weekend except the second weekend of the month when you will have her (again to give you Sat-Sun time too) - offer to split the drive every other weekend (he picks up from your home - you pick up from his). Then when she's two and 1/2, every other weekend fri-sun. Split transportation when the long driving starts (he will need a car seat - or maybe could borrow yours? Garage sales are a cheep place to find things like that).

Since she has already started overnights - you may allow the 1 overnight - if the travel isn't to hard on your daughter. Or...you may even do the Fri-Sun if that would work for your daughter.

You could offer him a couple of hours mid-week (say Wednesday) if he can make it into town. Tell him you want 24hrs notice if he plans on this.

You could address your concerns about his mothers home to social services and see if they will investigate.

I know $20 isn't much, but filing for child support seriously pisses off a lot of men and they start proceedings for full custody. If he doesn't currently have a job - the only thing child support would do is put him into arrears. You wouldn't even get the 20 dollars anymore.

You don't HAVE to drive to the train station. He doesn't HAVE to stay at your house. That is nice of you, but if you can't do that you need to tell him that isn't going to work out anymore.

Originally Posted by Gbyte HE should drive to see your daughter. Granted - you moved, but this child is too young for this kind of regular travel time. How long does he keep her when you go over there? At that age - overnights from the primary caregiver are usually not recommended. If they are - it's usually only one overnight. HE needs to come to YOUR town every weekend for 1 day (he should find a way - you need not worry about it). Let him pick her up at say noon on Saturday or Sunday and keep her until 6. When she's a year old, allow 1 overnight - Like 6pm to 6pm (or 4-4 taking into account drive time) sat-sun once a weekend or once every other (in case you want a weekend too someday). You could also offer every weekend except the second weekend of the month when you will have her (again to give you Sat-Sun time too) - offer to split the drive every other weekend (he picks up from your home - you pick up from his). Then when she's two and 1/2, every other weekend fri-sun. Split transportation when the long driving starts (he will need a car seat - or maybe could borrow yours? Garage sales are a cheep place to find things like that). Since she has already started overnights - you may allow the 1 overnight - if the travel isn't to hard on your daughter. Or...you may even do the Fri-Sun if that would work for your daughter. You could offer him a couple of hours mid-week (say Wednesday) if he can make it into town. Tell him you want 24hrs notice if he plans on this. You could address your concerns about his mothers home to social services and see if they will investigate. I know $20 isn't much, but filing for child support seriously pisses off a lot of men and they start proceedings for full custody. If he doesn't currently have a job - the only thing child support would do is put him into arrears. You wouldn't even get the 20 dollars anymore. You don't HAVE to drive to the train station. He doesn't HAVE to stay at your house. That is nice of you, but if you can't do that you need to tell him that isn't going to work out anymore.

Thank you! This plan I can do, but like you said she is too young for overnights right now! Maybe I can draw something up, go over it with him, and get it approved by the courts without having to get a lawyer then? And about the child support; his mom said that he needed to file for it so he would "look good" but he's horrible with paperwork and I'm not positive he actually did it so I filed it for myself anyways. Yesterday I told him me and my family don't feel comfortable with him staying at our house anymore but he is more than welcome to stay at a hotel and let me know when he wants to drop by for a few hours and see her and I even offered once when he was here for him to borrow my car w/ carseat to take her to the park or something and he just sat on the couch and watched tv while our daughter played in the jumper. : /
Could I say no overnights at his parents house until it's proven fit for a baby? Ugh I just hate the idea of them watching her, and I know it's something I will have to get over but the things her grandmother mentions doing or thinking is OK even when I am around scares me to death! Her father never remembers to bathe her or brush her teeth, her grandmother almost gave her a cupcake at 6 months but continued to say "noooo your mommy would get mad at me" 'cause I was giving her a look like seriously? they've talked about not using a car seat when it's "just down the street" or how she always forgets how many scoops of formula to do even though the instructions are on the can and every time her father and grandma were left to watch her I always came in the door to her whining and having a soaked diaper and nobody had changed it while I was gone. So what in the world is she going to be put through if I'm not there to fix these things within a few hours? : (

[Gbyte]

http://www.co.hancock.oh.us/commonpl..._Relations.pdf

Here is a link to a counties standard schedule. This says one weekend a month IF drive time is under three hours, summers, some christmas and spring break.

It's something to look at. You can google your counties custody schedule - they vary and are often posted online. That would be the best to submit to the courts for approval if you both sign - but this schedule I posted the link to is for older children. Not infants. This is something likely age 3 and higher. Your county may or may not directly address infants in the long distance schedule.

I would probably say no to overnights in general right now. At the age of 12 months - if you want to start 1 overnight a month (or a weekend), you may want to call childrens services and express your concerns about the condition of the home and ask if they can investigate.

Mediation is another way to determine custody without laywers.

Found this online:
http://www.enoslaw.com/PracticeAreas...tody-Texas.asp

Thank you for all of this information! I will research it some more.
I called child services and expressed my concerns of their house being unfit for a infant and they filed it but can not take action until she is actually been court ordered to be at his house. But, a report has been filed.

He keeps begging to "make this easy on him" and allow him to stay at my house for my parents to give free room and board and internet and tv which is what he has been doing but we fought last time and he did not help out with our daughter at all. So I said he needed to find a hotel but he started whining to me about not having a job and he just wants to see his daughter but if someone wanted to see her that bad isn't it HIS responsibility to take action and look for a job and buy a new car and carseat so HE can take her places? That doesn't sound like it needs to be my responsibility?

He keeps saying "we'll see what the courts say" "I can't wait to go to court"
but really, are the courts going to tell me "make this easy on him, come on he's got no job!"

I just thought of something as well, he keeps saying he filed court papers in HIS county, but doesn't everything need to be filed in the county the child is living in?

[Gbyte]

depends on how long the child has been living there typically. It would normally go on where the child has lived the last six full months. So if you had lived with him in one county for six months - but only in your current county for 3 months, it wold go by his county. But at this age - It doesn't sound like there has been a home of 6 months. There would be something called a change of jurisdiction - but it sounds like you may need to consult with a lawyer. Consults are usually free - there is also an ask an attorney section here for $10.00.

An attorney could probably file for a change of jurisdicton and mediation (to hopefully avoid HUGE attorney fees). Not sure though...