Me

can i refuse my ex husband to see our daughter if he did not have contact with her since july 2008

[Gbyte]

Not a good idea to refuse, but don't rush into a Friday through Sunday overnight.

How old is the child? Start a re-introduction process. Say every Wednesday evening and every or every other Saturday or Sunday (length of time could depend on age and adjustment).

I know it sucks that he can just pop in and out of her life - but in the long run, even if he hurts her again and disappears, she knows it wasnt' all your fault, you tried.

what do you mean by no contact? Do you mean they haven't seen your daughter or there has been no contact, no phone calls no visitation?

[lori509]

I've ran into these issue myself quite a bit. There are some laws you can look into concerning abandonment but I think they differ by state. (Washington is 2 years) Basically no contact whatsoever for two years and you can actually change the parenting contract concerning visitation. I'm not sure about your state tho....

[tbyte]

No, you cannot unilaterally change the court orders without the risk of being held in contempt.
And your chances of claiming abandonment are very slim if the father is making any attempt to contact his child.

[lori509]

Originally Posted by tbyte No, you cannot unilaterally change the court orders without the risk of being held in contempt. And your chances of claiming abandonment are very slim if the father is making any attempt to contact his child.

Actually I agree. However what I meant is simple... you need to go to court AND if the father has had NO CONTACT whatsoever or any attempt at contact with a child for two years. Then you can go to court and file abandonment. By no contact the court is very specific, no phone calls, no emails, no visitation, no attempt at contact with mother, grandmother etc... none. In that case you most certainly can go to court and ask the court to shut of any visitation with the father and they (if they suspect no foul play in the matter) may agree.

[Gbyte]

Originally Posted by tbyte No, you cannot unilaterally change the court orders without the risk of being held in contempt. And your chances of claiming abandonment are very slim if the father is making any attempt to contact his child.

I love your use of "unilaterally". He unilaterally decided to change court orders (or ignore them) by NOT being involved with his child. She can unilaterally schedule a reasonable "phase in" time and I know of NO judge that would punish for ramping up to the previous custody agreement over a two or three month period.

[tbyte]

No, he did not. He may be irresponsible, but there is no legal requirement that the non-custodial parent exercise visitation.
You recommendation that she intentionally violate court orders is extremely poor advice. A court very well may hold that against her. Judges have extremely short patience with such behavior.

[Gbyte]

Whatever.

The judge would probably ORDER a phase in period.

[tbyte]

Seriously...the court would not even get around to having a hearing for two or three months.
If you are going to work out a "phase-in", you will have to do it with the father's cooperation.