Child Custody HELP!!

[muhlbauerj]

Hi my name is Jen and from Iowa. I have a boyfriend of 2 years and he has a son, who is 2 1/2. I love his son and he calls me "mom" and I only wish he was my son because he is truly so special. Anyways, my boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend (the boys mother) separated when he was just a couple months old. She moved out of the house they were living in to an apartment in the same town, and then a half year later moved back to her old hometown. My boyfriend has had one girlfriend in his son's life, (me) and the boys mother has had several guys in and out of his life. My boyfriend's son has become very attached to me and cannot leave a room with out his father being there. He loves his dad so much and his father would do anything for him. My boyfriend took his son's mother to court to get full custody of this son, but after a year of trying, we lost and we're granted even less time with him then we had before! We were granted every other weekend while the mother was awarded physical care, BUT even though we were only granted every other weekend, the mother decided that she didn't want her son growing up without seeing his father all the time, so my boyfriend gets to see his son at least every 2 days, AND every other weekend. So basically my boyfriends son has been with his dad more in the past year then he has been with his mother. 5 or so months has gone by since we have found out about court and now the son's mother told us that she is getting marriend in the next couple months, after dating a guy for a month. She told my boyfriend a couple of days ago that she is moving to north carolina, with her soon to be husband, and taking their son with them. Is the court system really going to let this happen? Are we still going to be granted our every other weekend? I can't imagine a 2 1/2 year old being flown every other weekend back to Iowa for a weekend and then back to north carolina. More than likely, the visitation is going to change. Are we going to lose him? Or will they make the mother stay in the same state? My boyfriend would do anything to try to fight this, but I don't know if we even have a chance, since the mother has physical care? The court system just can't take his son away from him like that after being emotionally attached with his father for the past 2 years? Please help! and give advice please! You can email me at jen06@hotmail.com Thank you and am hoping to hear from someone!

Jen I think your are very selfish in your attempts to replace this childs mother.
The child being two and a half years old calling you "mom" is a sign that you you are trying to replace someone that the child needs to ensure emotional well being. Imagine(and this can happen to you in this relationship) if you held a baby in your stomach for nine months, felt this amazing being form from your body and heard "mom" only to have your husband replace you. I hope that it does not proceed to motherhood that it dawns upon you, what you have done. You have an opportunity to make things right for this child as they don't stay children forever and what you do now is what you will reap later in life. Let this mother go and start a new family you can both make contact after relocation. She will respect you for that and so will this child when he grows up.

[looloo86]

Jen,
my husbands 1st wife moved his daughter 7 hours away and we hardly see her. The catch i think was that he should have put a restriction in the original divorce papers that she couldnt move off so many miles. thats what his lawyer said anywho. see if yawls lawyer cant file a motion real quick to change that so that she cant. and i dont think its wrong the baby calls u mom. thats what i tell my step children that they have 2 mothers and thats better than 1. =)

o! check out my post about fathers rights!

This poor child. He is going to be so confused. He does NOT have 2 mom's. He only has one. The one who gave birth to him and the one who takes care of him and the one who is NOT selfish but is willing to let the father be a part of this childs life. You need to be very careful because if it is brought up in court that you have this child call you "mom" it can be held against you as if you are turning the child away from his mother.

His mom isn't doing anything wrong by wanting to get married and move on with her life. His father did, with you, right?

[dreammaker]

It is a shame that some one can tell you its wrong that you let a child call you mom,the child is young and spends a lot of time with you and his father ,and most people that live together or are married let the child know that (he ) is the step father or (she) is your step mom,a child won"t walke around holler stepmom or step dad,they will enterduce you as there step parent but at home they my call you mom or dad,and yes a child who has two sets of parents can be very lucky to have this people who care enough for them,If the mother does move all you will be able to do is make arrangments thru the courts to set up some kind of visitation for you and hopeful it will be for the childs best interest ,as i have said before people should not treat the children as thow they are ping pong balls ,they should not be used to hurt one another because when the ball backfires then it has done nothen but hurt the children, good luck

[looloo86]

Originally Posted by Unregistered This poor child. He is going to be so confused. He does NOT have 2 mom's. He only has one. The one who gave birth to him and the one who takes care of him and the one who is NOT selfish but is willing to let the father be a part of this childs life. You need to be very careful because if it is brought up in court that you have this child call you "mom" it can be held against you as if you are turning the child away from his mother. His mom isn't doing anything wrong by wanting to get married and move on with her life. His father did, with you, right?

actually 'unregistered' my step son has only one mom and thats me cuz his real mother died. u dont have to give birth to a child to be their mother. when u bathe, feed, care for and love a child everyday i think thats enough qualification to be called 'mom.'

and thank u dreammaker for backing me

[waiting for justice]

You are whacked. Start a new family and let this child go. Hell no!!!!!!! I would fight tooth and nail to get cutody of this child. Go to court and tell the judge how much visitation the mother gave to the father after the court hearing. The problem in this country is that the judges always think the mother has the best interest for the child and that is so not true. I dont think she is trying to replace this childs mother but he is comofrotable with her and he obviously loves her as she loves him. And his biological mother is being very very selfish. I hope to god they dont let her move out of the state. and having physical custody means nothing other than the child lives with her. if he has joint custody he has just as much rights as she does. FIght FIGHT FIGHT

Maybe we need to elaborate. It varies from state to state. The parents need to come to an agreement on visitation. The court can order custodial parent not to take the child out of state under certain conditions. The child is not a ward of the state, then there isn't really a problem. I took my children out of state to live, but I also made sure they had weekly two - three day un supervised visits with their father.

[roshan435]

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[angelrose]

As much as I hate for two adults to use a child as a pawn because they can't get along, I would say, yes you can file a contempt charge but since north carolina is a "mother first" state or so it seems, chances are they won't do anything to enforce a Iowa request. If you are paying support, you might suggest to the court that you will put future support payments in a court held account and that mom doesn't get anything until she returns to face the charge. Remember she thumbed her nose at the court not you.